Updates from August, September, & October

‘The time has come,’ the Walrus said,
‘To talk of many things:
Of shoes – and ships – and sealing-wax -
Of cabbages – and kings -
And why the sea is boiling hot -
And whether pigs have wings.’

Life just keeps changing on me. No, I am no longer at Barnes & Noble. And no, it isn’t by choice. I don’t really want to discuss it though and I hate having to tell people… especially my parents. Aside from feeling like a failure (having been with a company for 7 years and getting fired), I knew they would try to fix the situation, which isn’t what I want. I can generally solve my problems… my way. I don’t need to do everything their way. And that is a tough conversation to have. Ol’ confrontational me will never say anything.

Mind you, I do appreciate the advice, but the quick fix to my problem is irritating.

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead -
There were no birds to fly.

The world seems open with possibilities now, which is nice. I recently referred to B&N as a family, stating that families are good for two things: creating a sense of security and keeping you tied down. And that is true. I feel so free of the concerns I had at work. I don’t need to care about any of the day to day crap I dealt with there, but I shall deeply miss a lot of the people, not to mention making my own schedule. :pleased:

I have kicked around the idea of going back to school. I am interested and I am starting to gain focus on what I want to do, but I really dread doing it. I am interested in several things. Mainly, I want to work with the mentally ill (those with a chemical rather than physiological disorder) and their families. I would like to work in either a counseling, social work, or advocacy role for these individuals. This has been a calling of mine for a long time — since high school. I really feel that I can do the most good in this field. My other interest, which is totally unrelated, is Interior Design. It doesn’t have the human side that the other does, but it is likely to pay better, use my creative talents, and be very fun rather than challenging. I doubt that I would get the same satisfaction out of that.

I have been applying for any retail management jobs I can find. So far, I have been to Foley’s, Bed Bath & Beyond, Pier 1, & Borders. I have applied online at Babies R Us, Cracker Barrel, IKEA, Schurman Fine Papers, Blockbuster, & GameStop. Hopefully something will work out.

I am also trying to organize my people to create my web based business. I really want it to be successful, but I just need to people to do the work. I have been doing everything, which can take quite some time. I will release more information about it later… when I feel like I have a firm grasp on the concept.

Lastly, I want to be published. It doesn’t require a degree, but doesn’t pay anything until a publisher is interested. And I need to finish my book before a publisher will be interested.

The Taiga:
It seems I am now officially Alaska bound. I have discussed it with both Lori and Justin and they are both excited to go with me. Lori and I are flying up on the 12th to check it out before cementing our decision, but we are about 95% sure we are going. Of course, I am frantically trying to find a job and get everything packed. Regardless of what may happen, I do think I would like to move and sell my condo. It just seems like the thing to do right now.

I have a strong feeling that this move is the right thing to do and I can’t ignore that gut feeling. I will certainly miss a lot of what I have going on here, but I feel like I am being called there; pulled forward to a new destiny. It feels right. I hope the trip strengthens that feeling. I will be there for a month, which fell into my lap through the kindness of my dad’s friends.

We are here! Experiencing life in Alaska by way of vacation. Of course it is beautiful up here – that is pretty much common knowledge, but I didn’t expect such kind people. We arrived in the wee hours of Tuesday morning, searched the entire city of Anchorage for a hotel room (to no avail) and finally drove to Palmer and stayed in a motel there. That is where we are staying anyway. Palmer is the town where my dad grew up and we have been fortunate to be allowed to stay with one of his friends, Peter-Ann. She is so incredibly generous and I felt bad for being so quiet yesterday – I was just so tired.

Life does seem a little more laid back, especially out here in Palmer. I don’t know/don’t think it will be the same in Anchorage. I think we plan on going out there today to look for jobs and just see the town. I would be happy to find a job here, but the problem with small towns is that they rarely need more people. That won’t stop me from trying. All in all, I have found the experience so far very surreal. To look on a map, I am so far away from everything I am used to, but even here I feel at home. Being in Alaska doesn’t mean being in a foreign country – I guess that makes me sound a little ignorant, but somehow I always imagined it differently. But I do like it so far.

Jet lag being what it is, I am still a little tired – that was a long day of travel by anyone’s standards. We left Tulsa at 9:00a.m. for Dallas and then flew to Anchorage with a stop in Seattle. 6 hours of driving and 8 hours of flying… yikes. But the first leg of the flight was fun! It was Alaska Airlines inaugural flight from Dallas to Seattle. There was a buffet and Native Alaskan dancers at the gate in Dallas, a champagne toast, cake, and certificates on the plane. The crew was great and you could really tell that they love their airline. We did however get stuck with a motley crew of passengers around us. From the guy with part of an ear missing (which didn’t bother me for about 6 hours, but by that 8th hour I never wanted to see him or his ear again) to the woman with the back problem (she was 2 rows in front of us, but spent the ENTIRE flight from Dallas to Seattle turned around talking to a woman she didn’t know in a seat in front of us). It was interesting – and exhausting. The small kids directly behind us were the most quiet and well-behaved passengers around us.

So, I still don’t know if I want to live here permanently. I do tend to get a little homesick, but hope I will get used to the area in the next few weeks. I still feel like I need to be here. BUT I NEED A JOB TOO. I need to call my aunt. I haven’t heard from her in nearly 5 years so it will be weird to talk to her. She lives in Anchorage.

Life is going pretty well. I don’t yet know where I will be 2 months from now, but I know I will enjoy getting there. And I suddenly have an interest in Minnesota (IF Alaska doesn’t pan out like I wanted it to). The possibilities seem endless. I will write more soon and will include
pictures as I get them.

Fags & Hags In the Last Frontier:
It seems quite official — we are moving to Alaska. Lori has had a lot of luck in finding a job, but I still have nothing. I need to try just that much harder this week so I can find something. Justin seems equally ready to just “get the hell out of Dodge” so to speak. It seems we have reached a conclusion that this is where we want to be.

I have asked Brent for help, but I am not sure to what extent he can. It is a bad time to be moving and I know that one or two months ago would have proven easier on us. But we won’t soon forget the arduous trek across the continent, just to find something new. It will likely be one of the highlights of our time of the planet, regardless of the level of success we have in our new lives.

I will certainly regret a few things. I will terribly miss my friends who are so close, even if I rarely see them. Travis, JD, Kendra, Jerry, James, Shauna, Meghan, Sandra, Jill, Cindy, Brandy, Jonette, Christine, The Kim, and anyone whose name I left off (and I will feel bad for it later!). I love all of you and my home will always be welcome to you if you visit.

“Life sucks no matter what, so don’t be fooled by locations changes”:

I think Daria summed it up nicely. And this newest adventure in my life is quickly becoming one of the most frustrating too. Things just never go smoothly and I think that from time to time they just should.

What the… am I talking about? Moving is expensive and stressful, regardless of the inherent beauty of the surrounding landscape. It just… sucks. Finding a job, finding an apartment, coming up with the money for the apartment, getting my stuff/cats up here, paying for gas/tires along the way. It is all just a little much to handle.

Plus, I feel completely responsible for this move. Yes, Justin and Lori are moving as well, but I feel like I caused the whole migration and now feel like I need to be the one who solves the problems involved. I have already gotten in trouble for that one!

I would love for the whole thing to be over!!! I want it to be December 1 and I have a job I love, an apartment I love, my condo sold, and life back to normal (or close to normal anyway). In the meantime, I dread the process!!!!

Something Vegan This Way Comes:
So,
I have been in Alaska for two weeks! Considering I have spent the past
4 days mostly sick in bed, I have not found a job yet. I did get the
paper this morning and it should be helpful as I am starting to get
over my cold.

I’ve also gone for a change of scenery. I loved
staying with Peter Ann, despite not enjoying her house or location, but
this new leg of my trip should prove just as wonderful. I am staying on
a lake near Wasilla, AK with 2 cats, 2.5 dogs, and a woman who turned
86 yesterday. The whole lot of them are nice. The .5 dog is actually a
neighbors dog who usually sleeps here. It all seems relatively normal.
It is not!

I am staying with friends of my dad again, Delisa
& Charlie. That wasn’t Delisa’s original first name and they both
took a new last name. That is great, I think. In a way. I like the idea
of creating an identity for a marriage — unifying yourselves with a
common new name. Perhaps I would have placed my former last name in as
a second middle and I would not have changed my first, but all the same
it is sweet. That isn’t even weird.

What I have found weird is
the almost militant veganism they subscribe to. It is somewhat subtle,
but borders on bitter and nasty. I attended the first meeting (potluck)
of the Alaska Vegetarian Society as a guest last night. In and of
itself, the dinner was nice and the people were so friendly. It was one
of the happiest places on Earth. But I found that an underlying theme
in the evening was how wasteful the planet is and how cruel we are to
the “very intelligent” livestock we eat on a regular basis. I
absolutely appreciate the argument, but I don’t agree. Mind you, I
fully support vegetarianism for its many benefits, but this type of
over-the-top veganism doesn’t sit well with me.

And I have a new
found dislike of PETA. I had never felt one way or another about them,
but seeing the pamphlets they distribute made me cautious in listening
to them. Not so much fact, as careful crafted sentiment designed to
make you feel like a horrible person for having ever in your life
considered eating chicken, turkey, eggs, and the like. It didn’t really
work on me. And then to say that fish experience emotions like love and
fear — that isn’t even based in reality. We have no proof that fish
experience emotions at all. The moment I stopped being involved was
when I was told that only 5% of our diet needs to be protein, all of
which can come from plants. What we need is carbohydrates. Again, I
appreciate the idea behind it, but I don’t necessarily agree. And
neither do nutritionists around the world.

I think it was a
valuable experience for me. I think I understand this way of thinking a
little more clearly and know I want to basically stay away from it. As
a friend recently said to me, Jesus ate fish, so that can’t be wrong.

From Convictions To Crazy:
We
had just come home from the dinner and I was really feeling ill from my
cold. I decided (or, I was convinced) to go to bed. Delisa needed to
work on her lesson for today anyhow. I watched some Ellen and then
retired to the guest bedroom, where I took a book to read. I settled on
Natural Cures “They” Don’t Want You To Know About by Kevin
Trudeau. You may have seen this moron on television, proclaiming the
horrors of everything from fast food to prescription drugs. To this
guy, everything is “toxic.”

I couldn’t think he was a bigger
crackpot. Nothing in the book is backed up with research (or he doesn’t
cite his research, which is cause for skepticism), many of his points
are merely quotes by various sources which are not cited properly and
clearly could be taken out of context, and it is so poorly written and
unfocused that I cannot imagine that any publisher agreed to take it on.

I
think it is worth reading. I have never been so angry as I was after
reading it. I kept thinking, this chapter would have made a brilliant
book if he had spent more time explaining and supporting the arguments.
Mostly over prescription drugs. I want to see the proof, as anyone
should. I refuse to take him at his word for two reasons. Freedom of
speech allows for such books to be written, regardless of consequence,
and this is the same person who so heavily promoted the Atkins diet on
television. He has a lot to say in the book about the world being about
money and how obviously evil that is, but he himself is profiting from
a product designed to scare you. That is all about the money.

Read
it, hate it, and please come to your own conclusions. I pers
onally have
never been more turned off of anything “organic,” which was not his
intention. Also, the book offended me when it referred to fishing in
Canada, where he had an “Indian” guide. Now, unless a person from India
came and helped them fish, I think he needs to catch up to the rest of
the world. Or is it just me who finds that offensive? Personally, I
would use either Native American (if I totally didn’t care about/know
the person) or I would have mentioned which nation/tribe the individual
belongs to. It is an outrage that such blatant ignorance is still
allowed in the world today.

What Not To Do While On Vacation:

So, I apparently had the flu. Not that I went to a doctor or anything smart like that. But I am pretty sure based on symptoms that it was the flu. That pretty much killed my whole week. I had a fever that I couldn’t break for several days, body aches, and I was so congested. I finally started feeling better on Friday, but by then I was so exhausted! And the days have all melded together and seem to be flying by rapidly. Not at all a fun way to spend my time.

And have I bonded with the dogs? No. I am just not a dog person. They are too needy, too smelly, and too loud. They are cute for about 5 minutes every day, but beyond that they just annoy me. Sorry, dog lovers. I just don’t get it. Maybe if I had one of my own I might get it, but I am just a cat person really.

I’ve got a full week left. My life seems to be unraveling back in Tulsa and I still have no job and no prospect of a job. Life is beginning to really aggravate me. This is the first time in my life I have gone this long without school or work (well, since I was 14 anyway). It is driving me insane and making me poor. And I need to sell the condo. I love the condo, but it just isn’t practical if I plan on living in Alaska.

United For Peace
Antiwar.com
Peace Pledge Union
Peace Action

Save me Jeebus!

I am trying to find a new church home. I think I will be attending MCC in Anchorage today, so we will see how I like it. I did take several of the denomination selectors online. I always come out as Quaker and Unitarian Universalist. But, United Churches of Christ is on there too and I generally like them. I am welcome to advice on this.

side notes on this post: (1)It took too freakin’ long to do. I spent close to 2 hours on it. It normally takes me 10 minutes to write one. (2)I may have some sort of anti-war thing to say later. I was just getting some of it out there now. Will explain later. (3)Seriously, if you have a job opening or need a condo in Tulsa, let me know!

Surprises & Advancements:
Sometimes, people are just plain nice, which is always unexpected. I called the Oklahoma Unemployment offices for some help. I am required to attend a work rehabilitation meeting this Friday with Workforce Oklahoma. Although I am required to attend in order to receive my unemployment check, they are not actually the same agency. However, the number for Workforce Oklahoma may not be dialed from Alaska. Expecting resistance, I called the only number I knew, the one to file a claim, and spoke to a claims representative. To my surprise, she not only was attentive to what my issue, but offered to call the number for me. When she received no answer, she then offered to fax over the information I had given. It was so nice to speak to somebody who genuinely wanted to help.

On the job front, speaking of unemployment, I did attend a screening session for Fred Meyer yesterday. It was rather strange, but I imagine it will result in an interview. I also have an interview with Wal-Mart this morning. I am not sure what kind of position that will be for, but I think I really need to focus on finding a management position. Not that I will limit my search to that or refuse work, but at some point I need to get back into retail management because I just love it. And I am good at it. I am really interested in positions I found online at some other companies. We will see how those go.

The Loons Are Still Here:
I really expected the loons to have migrated by now, but they are still around. They are quite creepy to hear, especially when they call at night. It just doesn’t sound like a bird. Lucille, the 86 year old woman upstairs, said they will leave just when it is about to freeze. No freezing in the immediate forecast, so my time here should be full of loon creepiness.

JD & Jess share a birthday tomorrow. I wish them both well and hate that I cannot be around to see them. I will really miss my friends when I move. Happy birthday to both of you.

Health:
I have discovered an entirely new world here in Alaska. Health is much more important to people here and there is evidence of that in the vast natural food sections in stores. Not just a single aisle, or single side of an aisle, these sections are serious portions of the store, taking 5-6 full aisles plus a refrigerated case. I see myself making the food choices I prefer.

I have never been one to enjoy “junk food,” but it is so convenient and easy, not to mention cheap. But with the abundance of healthy choices, enormous vegetables, and stores that encourage natural foods, I know I will be moving towards that way of life.