I sent the letter I wrote to Stan, my uncle. He already knows I think, but not officially. Hmm… I feel like I am on some kind of coming out roll. Why do I need to do that right now? I keep thinking I left way more information on paper at work, but I am pretty sure I didn’t even write anything down… Why am I rambling?
I think I will spend the evening making CDs for my trip to Texas… I am so happy to have some time off. Yay!
Maybe I will go for a walk when it cools down tonight. That might make a nice change to just sitting here. I hope I decide to just do it.
I really miss my grandma today.
He is really one of the greatest people I know. I cannot believe the e-mail I just got from him.
In a word, WOW!!! Not the gay stuff. . . . . more on that later, but WOW to the ability you have to expose your soul. Don’t ever call yourself a coward, when you have the guts to express yourself in that way. You are very courageous, although you may feel like it took too long, or the timing was wrong, or whatever. There is time and place for all of this. Brian, it is YOUR journey. There is not a timetable. . . .( re: Tell Mom on day 30, tell brother on Day 40, uncle and niece on Day 50). . . . . none of that matters. This is YOURS and YOURS alone. Your heart and soul will dictate the time. Don’t let anyone (even your Mom), pressure you on who to tell, who not to tell. These are huge decisions that only you can make.
Now, that doesn’t mean that some in your life (and I hope this includes me) can help with decent advice. IF you want it. As you know, everyone has their beliefs, and they are all entitled to them. What they are NOT entitled to do. . . . is pressure you, judge you or make you feel less of a man. Only YOU, GOD, and those in your life that YOU choose should influence you and your journey through life.
Your parents are only capable of so much. they cannot understand this right away. Just like you needed time to figure it all out, so will they. I hope you don’t expect too much. They love you so much, but may never understand it. And that’s OK!! That is their issue to deal with, and they will do what they can, when they can and however they can. Just remember———-that is theirs. It doesn’t change anything. Same goes for Brent and Brad, and cousins for that matter. I can’t speak for the Wilkinsons. But I can speak for me and Opie and Annie. . . . . I am tearing up alittle, because they are so cool about it. They asked me a few months ago, and I said that it was yours to respond to that, not mine. They both said “Brian is so cool, who cares!” They have a wonderful non-judgmental attitude. With Diane being very homophobic, I am proud that they have formed their own opinions. They (and I) love you and do not define you by your sexuality. You will never be my gay nephew. You will always be my wonderful, creative, loving, caring, passionate, funny, warm, sincere, smart, alittle messy!, courageous, loyal nephew, that. . . oh yeah. . . happens to be gay. I will never define you any other way. Any more than I would define Brent and Brad as my Straight nephews! That makes no sense. ( I hope to goodness this comes out right ).
You mentioned that it might be easier to let Becky (and I presume me and others in the family) go and move on with your life. I hope you don’t. Give her and whoever you want a chance, but just know it could take awhile.
Here is some advice that you may not be so welcome, but I am on a roll. I feel like this. . . the more “in your face” you are with them, the harder it is for them to react. Remember that you are dealing with people that are ignorant enough to think you chose this. You won’t change their mind. And they can’t change your mind. And that’s OK. Just as hard as it is for them to get a grip on you being gay, you have to return the understanding and get a grip on the fact that they may never get it. Remember that may be as hard for you as it is for them.
Brian, like I said earlier, your exposing yourself like this is very brave, and I admire it. Just remember that they don’t control your happiness. Give your family a break, sure, but give yourself a bigger break.
And one last thing. . . . . . . .I will ALWAYS be there for you not matter what.
I love you, B2.
Featured Image Art: photo of Stan & Brian
originally posted on Xanga