“Sweetwater, Oklahoma”
Written 25 August 1998 in Claremore, Oklahoma.
Brian Fuchs, “Sweetwater, Oklahoma” from Okie Dokie (Scissortail Press, 2019)
Posted 1 September 2020
“Making Circles in Darkness”
Written 7 February 2020 in Payne County, Oklahoma.
Brian Fuchs, “Making Circles in Darkness” from Scissor-tailed Flycatcher (Scissortail Press, 2020)
“little SUPERHEROES”
Written on or before 9 March 1998 in Claremore, Oklahoma.
Brian Fuchs, “little SUPERHEROES” from Scissor-tailed Flycatcher (Scissortail Press, 2020)
“Dolphin”
for Kevin Davis
Written 2 February 2020
Brian Fuchs, “Dolphin” from Scissor-tailed Flycatcher (Scissortail Press, 2020)
“Riley”
for Riley Coy
Written 15 February 2020 in Payne County, Oklahoma
Brian Fuchs, “Riley” from Scissor-tailed Flycatcher (Scissortail Press, 2020)
“Campsis radicans”
Campsis radicans
That house still haunts me;
the absences I feel are extreme.
Brad has kept the trumpet vines,
electric and intense like himself.
He pulled the irises that were once
lining the paths and taking breath
away from visitors as they passed.
The enormous black-purple blooms,
now towering only in our memory.
He inherited too much and not enough,
spending time and money adjusting,
spreading out and stamping his energy
onto the places that had been our center.
He’s added alcohol to the room where
my grandma’s last moments began,
highlighting the permanence of it all.
Where there was once an annual
display of daisies and cleomes,
a chainlink box sits, overgrown with
those intense trumpet vines.
The garden is all wild and unkempt,
like he’s trying to preserve something
that cannot be contained or suppressed.
Life spills out from our dark spots.
The house was full of undue pressures,
now settled into a gritty beauty.
The roots will continue to grow,
the trumpet vines will spread,
and one day my nephew’s children
will wipe tears from their eyes when
they visit a house that meant so much.
And they’ll talk about the intensity
and how much they’d give to have it back.
Written 20 February 2020 in Payne County, Oklahoma.
Brian Fuchs, “Campsis radicans” from Scissor-tailed Flycatcher (Scissortail Press, 2020)
“Stillwater, Oklahoma : 3. Throwing Spheres”
Stillwater, Oklahoma
3. THROWING SPHERES: A MIRRORED CLOGYRNACH
My boyhood never depended
on throwing spheres like all men did.
I so often mused
if I had confused
dead with bruised
God forbid
Days in parks,
I’d explore
searching woodland floors
for seed pods and more.
Imagined tree friends, their rough bark
I’d so much missed since our last lark.
“that scattered belt of forest land, about forty miles in width, which stretches across the country from north to south, from the Arkansas to the Red River, separating the upper from the lower prairies, and commonly called the “Cross Timber.” — Washington Irving
Written 19 February 2020
Brian Fuchs, “Stillwater, Oklahoma” from Scissor-tailed Flycatcher (Scissortail Press, 2020)
“Skyline & McElroy”
Skyline & McElroy
These spaces were once open wide;
we explored the details for hours.
They seem to darken and cower;
now they shrink, wither, and divide.
Free, we stretched our wings fearlessly.
We never thought we’d have bad luck
even after Christine was struck
and Rusty was rushed urgently,
tire and concrete in his face,
to the E.R. for doctors’ care.
We’d still head on bikes anywhere
while those two recovered en brace.
Oh joy! to feel that wind rushing,
to ride down hills foolheartedly,
to find the paths left secretly,
to forget near tragic crushing.
Now, Gayane’s final act is all
the excitement I dare to take.
The shrinking neighborhoods forsake
my inner child — they’ve turned small.
Written 15 February 2020 in Payne County, Oklahoma.
Brian Fuchs, “Skyline & McElroy” from Scissor-tailed Flycatcher (Scissortail Press, 2020)
“My Native Valley”
My Native Valley
Lacosha! you kept passing by.
We never picked bright yellow
flowers in the fields on Spring mornings,
and we never chased rabbits
through people’s backyards on
Autumn afternoons.
I’m still looking for words,
my voice muffled by fear,
to invite you to my birthday party.
Written 15 February 2020 in Payne County, Oklahoma.
Brian Fuchs, “My Native Valley” from Scissor-tailed Flycatcher (Scissortail Press, 2020)
“New Kids on the Block”
New Kids on the Block
If the spaces under the highway
had been a passage to a great
underground city, I’d still be there
living among the mole people,
still listening to your sister’s cassettes.
It was always over as soon as it started,
and I longed for you for years after.
The gas station stopped selling gas;
it’s just as well. I don’t drive that way
anymore and I don’t want the salty chips
we used to get before spending afternoons
listening to music at your house.
You’ve grown too great for me to see
and I’ve started shrinking into the cracks,
barely leaving a mark behind to find.
I’ll see you at the next protest
on the steps of the state capital.
I wonder if I’ll still be visible by then.
Written 15 February 2020 in Payne County, Oklahoma.
Brian Fuchs, “New Kids on the Block” from Scissor-tailed Flycatcher (Scissortail Press, 2020)
“Cakewalk”
Cakewalk
The mint’s taken over
and we just watched it,
eating sandwiches, piled
with fresh tomatoes picked
from the garden.
Love is letting a plant take
over a meticulously tended
bed for a child’s whim.
The tomatoes are gone,
and the mint reminds me
that things used to be
full of everything good.
Written 15 February 2020
Brian Fuchs, “Cakewalk” from Scissor-tailed Flycatcher (Scissortail Press, 2020)
“Legg-Calvé-Perthes Cocoon”
Legg-Calvé-Perthes Cocoon
I’m more reptilian than Russian.
My parts have grown back,
and I’ve shed myself so many times,
expecting somehow to find smaller
versions of myself.
I haven’t grown smaller.
I test my legs often,
waiting for cracks to form
and for the new leg beneath
to emerge, emaciated and pale,
like it was the last time.
I thought I was a butterfly once,
and I fantasized about emerging
beautiful like the people I’m not.
I haven’t emerged beautiful.
Reinvention is either a myth
or a luxury of youth.
I tried so many times,
but I am more like myself now
than I ever was before.
It’s been thirty-five years
since the casts fixed my form
and my legs were allowed
to regrow.
I’m still waiting for it
to happen again,
knowing it won’t,
wishing it would.
I’m not so filled with new versions
as I was before,
and I’ve given up on beauty.
It was alway a lie anyway.
I long to know where
the beautiful people’s cracks form,
and what they expected to become.
Written 7 February 2020 in Payne County, Oklahoma.
Brian Fuchs, “Legg-Calvé-Perthes Cocoon” from Scissor-tailed Flycatcher (Scissortail Press, 2020)
30 July – 5 August 2018
Happy Birthday To Me! Today is my 39th birthday, and while it has been a mostly peaceful day, I have found myself avoiding a lot of memories and feelings that are just under the surface. I just wasn’t in a place to deal.
I spent the first half of the day listening to episodes of the podcast Frangela: The Final Word. TOO FUNNY! I love these two, and have for a long time on The Stephanie Miller Show. I don’t know why it took me so long to get into their podcast. I’m glad I did though. After a bit of that, I took a nice nap on the front porch, where I discovered one of the kittens had returned. I don’t have faith in the survival of the others, but his return offered at least a glimmer of hope. My nap was followed by going up to spend time with my dad, brother, nephew, and roommate. Justin made vegan chicken burgers and fries and the rest of us gave Conner a hard time. I know he was getting frustrated, but it was kinda fun anyway.
The gathering was fairly brief, a little chaotic, but okay. I do find myself needing to manage my expectations of others in these situations. I have a tendency to want people to put their own issues away for a few hours, and at least give the appearance that they care to spend time with me. But they don’t. I should know better. I don’t mean to sound accusatory at all; they are just living their lives as normal. It’s me who is expecting too much.
I’ve had a wonderfully productive week. I got the shelving assembled and put in that goes along the east wall of my bedroom. I’m putting things together slowly with it in; I don’t want it to just feel like a pile of stuff, so I’m going through things and purging a little as I go… very little. I did identify some books on ikebana that I intend to find a new home for… if I don’t change my mind. Those books are so thin that it will hardly make a difference in the end! I finally put some books on the shelves in the living room as well; I’ve had three shelves empty for the past year or so, which is silly really since I had books in boxes waiting to be put out.
Justin helped me put in a row of junipers that will hopefully mature into a nice hedge to break up the front yard, and we also put in another chaste tree up at the house. Things seem to be coming together slowly in the yards. I need to spend some time cleaning up the flowerbeds at the house; they are covered in weeds, need mulch, and the plants could be pruned.
Plants showed up! I’m not sure why they were sent so early, but part of the order that was supposed to arrive in November showed up in the mail. It isn’t a good time for planting. I might look at how to hold them until fall; they are bare root plants. If I can’t easily wait, I’ll need to get those in the ground or at least in planters in the next couple of days. I’m not sure how well things will do if they are planted in August, but it does look like we will have a rather mild week and that will help.
The orange rose, which had put on very pink blooms before, has changed and the newer blooms are much more orange. Maybe it needs to mature before the roses will be their true color, and maybe they will be pale. Either way, I’m really liking the look of these and I’m glad I put them near the porch. In time they will be tall enough to tie to the side of the porch and they can be enjoyed like the ‘Fourth of July’ or ‘Golden Showers’ roses are.
So this next week’s plans are all about figuring out those plants that arrived early. I do need to mow and get started on the flowerbeds as well, but I will also spend some time uploading more blog posts. It’s nice to be ahead of the game. I usually stay three or four weeks ahead, but I’m only a few days ahead at the moment and need to manage things better to make sure the blog is always active. On that note, I’m looking for feedback on what is working and what isn’t. Leave me comments on this post or on any post you want so I know what people are thinking.
Artists Featured This Week
Top 15 Christmas Songs
I’ve been listening to a lot of Christmas music, especially in the car. I love it. I look forward to the switch to all every year, and like everyone, I have some favorites I’m excited to hear.
“The inexpressible depth of music, so easy to understand and yet so inexplicable, is due to the fact that it reproduces all the emotions of our innermost being, but entirely without reality and remote from its pain…Music expresses only the quintessence of life and of its events, never these themselves.” ― Oliver Sacks, Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain
So many Christmas songs have an ability to move me in ways that other types of music lack. Maybe that is just because they are played annually and often during the season. Maybe it is just that the holiday season is full of activity, and that gives these songs special meaning. There are a handful of songs that make me think of the smell of the Santa bag we had at our house one year. Another group transports me to my grandparents’ house on a December evening, the tree glowing intensely red.
I’ve made a “Top 15” list here, which was pretty hard. There are so many I love. A week from now, this list could be a completely different one too. At the time of writing this, these are my favorite Christmas songs.
15. Darius Rucker — Hark! the Herald Angels Sing
1739, Darius Rucker recording 2014
This is one of my favorite carols by anyone, and Darius Rucker does a beautiful job. Few songs give me as many Christmasy feelings as this one.
14. Ivy Winters — Elfy Winters Night
2016
This is a brand new song for 2016, and I’m very into it. It’s a fun modern swing sort of thing. It’s the kind of song that makes me think of a speakeasy, but in a theatrical sense… the type of song performed in a movie scene in a 1920s or 1930s bar.
13. Thurl Ravenscroft (uncredited) — You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch
1966
This is one I try to resist loving, but it is just so tied to my Christmas experience that I can’t not love it. It’s been recorded by other artists, but the original from the 1966 special is really the best. Incidentally, the voice actor who sang the song, Thurl Ravenscroft, was not credited for the song, but he’s most well-known as the voice of Tony the Tiger. He did so many other recognizable things as well, and his voice is just so perfect for this song.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=ZgP0aUKlmNw
12. Pentatonix — Mary, Did You Know?
1991, Pentatonix recording 2014
Pentatonix is sometimes criticized, including by me, for being too plastic. There is such a thing as too polished, and they often go a step too far for me. But what they absolutely do right in this song is give it the power it deserves. A friend pointed out that this song is about a revelation that should be delivered with a certain vehemence, something most singers fail to deliver. This version really builds beautifully and the lands softly. It’s really a journey, and I enjoy being taken on it.
11. Gayla Peevey – I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas
1953
This song is so ridiculous and cute, and for me is less obnoxious than the other Christmas songs by and for kids. It makes this list because it makes me smile every time I hear it.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=2Dec9Jb_Ac4
10. Bing Crosby — Little Drummer Boy
1941, Bing Crosby recording 1962
Little Drummer Boy was my grandpa’s favorite Christmas song. It makes me think of his house as it was in the 1980s at Christmas, music coming from the stereo cabinet in the living room and the tree intensely lit in red lights. It makes me think of red three-wick candles, large ceramic Mr. & Mrs. Santa figures, and boxes of wrapping paper at the ready. It conjures up the smell of brown and serve rolls, the taste of Aunt Chick’s cookies, and the energy of a house well lived in. It is Christmas for me.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=H6Bv6sX370E
9. Megan Mullally — Silent Night
1818, Megan Mullally recording 2001
I love Megan Mullally’s voice. She does a fantastic version of Silent Night here, and seems so unique to her own style in parts. Silent Night is one of the songs I like by most artists, but I sometimes feel like the style doesn’t match the themes of the song. This one does a pretty good job with that. This was included on an album of NBC stars, and at that time Will & Grace was enjoying its greatest success. Megan Mullally went on to release several albums, all amazing and worth looking into.
8. Burl Ives — Holly Jolly Christmas
1962, this Burl Ives recording 1965
What is Christmas without Burl Ives? Sad, that’s what. I really appreciate that Ives recorded this for his Christmas album the year after it appeared on the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Soundtrack. That version had been so rushed and I like this slightly slowed one much more. This song, and really any song from Rudolph, makes me feel like a kid in all the right ways.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=DtVxFi9C0RA
7. Scott Matthew — Silent Nights
2008
This original song is sweet, sad, wistful… it’s one of the feelings I can identify with, especially during Christmas. It’s beautiful, and Scott Matthew is the absolute master at making me feel sad and then making feel okay about feeling sad. His songs are usually wrapped in melancholy, but I’m always glad they are.
6. Carpenters — Merry Christmas Darling
1970
All the Christmas feelings. This one is similar to Silent Nights, but far more hopeful. You feel mildly sad that these two won’t be together for Christmas, but are left with little doubt that they will eventually reunite.
5. Mariah Carey – All I Want For Christmas Is You
1994
I got this album when it came out, and I have yet to get enough of this one. It is just as perfect as it ever was. It’s so full of the joy that makes Christmas wonderful, and truly a timeless classic.
<iframe width=”560″ height=”315″ src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/yXQViqx6GMY” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen></iframe>
4. Ella Fitzgerald – Sleigh Ride
1948, Ella Fitzgerald recording 1960
Ella. Need I say more?
3. Dolly Parton — Hard Candy Christmas
1978, Dolly Parton & Movie recording 1982
This might be surprisingly high on my list… maybe? It wasn’t conceived as a Christmas song, but I’m happy to listen to it over and over during December. This song makes me want to drink cocoa and warm up under a blanket with a good book.
Dolly Parton’s Solo Studio Version
Film Version featuring Dolly Parton & the Cast of The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas
2. Wham! — Last Christmas
1984
This one is polarizing. I’ve seen it on as many lists of worst Christmas songs as best Christmas songs. For me it is almost at the top of my favorites. I suppose if you have an aversion to 1980s pop music, you might not care for this, but I love 80s pop. I especially love anything from George Michael, and I’m happy to hear this in every store during the holidays.
1. Trans-Siberian Orchestra — Christmas Eve (Sarajevo 12/24)
1914 (Carol of the Bells), traditional (God Rest You Merry, Gentlemen)m Trans-Siberian Orchestra recording 1996
Carol of the Bells is probably my favorite Christmas carol, and Trans-Siberian Orchestra really takes it to another level here. This song is a great storytelling. It’s very moving.
Honorable Mentions
Here are some other songs I love, but they just didn’t quite get on my list. It’s pretty hard to narrow down to 15; I could probably do a list of 100, and I’d still have to leave things off that I love.
Dean Martin — Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!
Bing Crosby & Ella Fitzgerald — It’s A Marshmallow World
Carnie Wilson & Wendy Wilson — Hey Santa
Trans-Siberian Orchestra — A Mad Russian’s Christmas
Scott Matthew — Blue Christmas
Alaska, Courtney Act & Willam — Dear Santa, Bring Me A Man, 2014
Weather Girls’ — Dear Santa, Bring Me A Man, 1983
Ingrid Lucia — ‘Zat You, Santa Claus?
BC Clark Anniversary Sale Jingle
Megan Mullally sings BC Clark Anniversary Sale Jingle
The Waitresses — Christmas Wrapping
Bing Crosby & David Bowie — Peace on Earth / Little Drummer Boy