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So, I apparently had the flu. Not that I went to a doctor or anything smart like that. But I am pretty sure based on symptoms that it was the flu. That pretty much killed my whole week. I had a fever that I couldn’t break for several days, body aches, and I was so congested. I finally started feeling better on Friday, but by then I was so exhausted! And the days have all melded together and seem to be flying by rapidly. Not at all a fun way to spend my time.

And have I bonded with the dogs? No. I am just not a dog person. They are too needy, too smelly, and too loud. They are cute for about 5 minutes every day, but beyond that they just annoy me. Sorry, dog lovers. I just don’t get it. Maybe if I had one of my own I might get it, but I am just a cat person really.

I’ve got a full week left. My life seems to be unraveling back in Tulsa and I still have no job and no prospect of a job. Life is beginning to really aggravate me. This is the first time in my life I have gone this long without school or work (well, since I was 14 anyway). It is driving me insane and making me poor. And I need to sell the condo. I love the condo, but it just isn’t practical if I plan on living in Alaska.

United For Peace
Antiwar.com
Peace Pledge Union
Peace Action

side notes on this post: (1)It took too freakin’ long to do. I spent close to 2 hours on it. It normally takes me 10 minutes to write one. (2)I may have some sort of anti-war thing to say later. I was just getting some of it out there now. Will explain later. (3)Seriously, if you have a job opening or need a condo in Tulsa, let me know!

Images: Teri Jo Hedman, “Raven’s Portrait”

Featured Image Art: Kenojuak Ashevak, “The Enchanted Owl”

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Thankful:

First, I would like to say that I am thankful for so many things. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Mine was excellent. I sometimes don’t allow myself to enjoy my family, but I really do. It is nice to feel that relaxed around people. I am thankful for my cousins, who are becoming such wonderful people. I am thankful for my brothers and their families. I am thankful for my uncle, even when he really annoying. I am thankful for my grandpa (Papa) who was too quiet this year. I wish him speedy recovery on his back. I am especially thankful for having the greatest parents ever. They are both as much friends as parents. I enjoy them so much. Their house can be too hectic for me though, with the children always under foot.

The day was so great. We watched Will & Grace, visited, and played with the kids all day at my parents’ house. Gradually, everyone made their way down to my grandpa’s house. We started with 15 and by the time I left for my grandpa’s, only my dad was left. We had the best and most moist turkey I have ever had!!! It just fell apart as the knife touched it, so no need to slice it at all. I sat at the kids’ table, where I have sat my entire life. Really, we all are. That table is, and has always been Opie, Annie, myself, and some combination of others including Becky, Brad, Brent, etc. The actual kids are still too young to sit off by themselves. It was just an excellent day.

So, Where Has Brian Been???

Nowhere. I have just not been on the computer that much. I guess life is just boring lately. Not that I have been bored. I do have opinions on that. I want a boyfriend. I want to feel loved. I am scared of looking… scared to death of trying… of putting myself out there. I miss my gay friends. This is really where gay friends come in handy. I am lonely and I don’t like it at all. Blah. I am basically content with my life otherwise. I do need to get on here and just blog already!!! I sometimes forget that my friends check this to see what is going on… Travis.

Work:

Speaking of work, Shauna is working at my store as of earlier this week!!! It is so nice to see her face at work. I so miss living with her and James. I wish things never changed and you could just stay close to everyone.

This is the weekend of weekends at work. I am looking forward to the craziness. I am a little worried that our manager will be exhausting and frantic, but overall it should be fun.

Featured Image Art: photo by Element5 Digital (via Unsplash)

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Boo! whatever:

Yesterday was such a lazy day… terrifically so. I enjoyed it though — lazy is relaxing. Jess, Lori, and I watched Survivor (taped) and Will & Grace, ate some yummy soft tacos, and carved our jack-o-lanterns. I just cut leaves blowing in the wind into mind, as it will be up for a few days past Halloween. Not that my decorations will be down until tomorrow, but whatever. Jess’ was scary and Lori’s was silly, which wasn’t surprising from either of them. They are so wonderfully predictable. I like it.

Vote:

I did it… I can’t take it back now! Lori and I went to vote while we were on lunch today. It actually took a little too long because we were unclear on where to go, but once we got there it went pretty fast. I know my individual vote won’t matter here in Oklahoma, but I feel happy that I cancel at least one Bush vote out. It makes me sad to think that he could win tomorrow.  Blah. For anyone interested, I have nothing to hide: I voted: for John Kerry, for Brad Carson, for all gambling measures, for education lotto, against new cigarette/income tax, for immobile veterans not paying property tax, for Doug Dodd, against Native American tribes being fined for not charging cigarette tax, and against most of the justices on the ballot. That was just to be a dick, which isn’t fair. The rest were thought out votes at least.

Nice:

Nice has been the theme of the day. We started the day hearing about Jeff’s Kindness Campaign 2004, as he calls it. It calls for random acts of kindness between managers to the point that we actually drew names to be sure we have a person to do something extra for… a card, helping them out, a gift of appreciation… it doesn’t require money. It was interesting because later I was looking at a book about groups of people who don’t fit in, but who have come together. In it was “Join Me!” This group, British I believe, started when a guy took out an ad in a paper that simply said “Join Me!” He has received responses from around the world and the group now has a mission. “Random acts of kindness for random people.” I think it is great. Too often we take our fellow human beings for granted.

Website/Photos:

I spent hours yesterday morning working on my homepage… hours!  I am pretty happy with it now and it includes a photo album. Visit Brian’s homepage here. Let me know what you think of it! It was fun, but I would like the button at the top to open pages in a new window and could figure out how. If anyone knows, please let me know here. Also, I added reviews. I just put 3 on, but check ’em out.

Featured Image Art: photo of “I Voted” stickers

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Happy C******s Day, all!
I am feeling kinda weird today. I spent the day feeling sick because I started eating. I should have done it more gradually, but I rushed into it. Oh well. I was back at work today after a 4 day vacation. It was a little irritating seeing what didn’t get done, but I will just crack the whip this week. I do have a new employee who I work with tomorrow. My department doesn’t have the turn over the rest of the store has so a new person is a big deal. I did discover that the DVD section needs to be further expanded, which is both frustrating and exciting because the section started out so small and has taken over.

Movies:
Lori and I are watching movies again. Sleepy Hollow and Ernest Scared Stupid (unless I can get out of that one somehow). I did see the USA Frankenstein movie last night. It was okay, but I wanted more. It sould have been a mini series instead. They tried to cram too much in. Edit 11:54: We ended up watching Underworld, which Jess had. It was okay. I am not that interested in Vampires and Werewolves, but it was appropriate. I made meatloaf, which took forever to cook (because I turned the heat down instead of up when I need to). I think it made it more moist. It was sooo good. I enjoy throwing stuff together, but I never cook. It was the second time in the three years I have known Lori & Jess that I cooked for them. Not that meatloaf really counts either. It was a good evening.

TV:
During my brief time off I watched entirely too much TV. I think that I would watch constantly if the only thing on was The Practice, Law & Order, CSI, etc. I love those shows.

Featured Image Art: still from Underworld (2004)

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DVD:
I finished season 1 of Ellen (technically These Friends Of Mine). I had forgotten how dramatically the look changed throughout the 13 episodes in that season. Hair, clothes, characters, sets… I don’t think that Anita was given a chance to really shine. Maggie Wheeler is hilarious, but her character had very few opportunities to show it. Holly improves as the season goes by, but should have gotten the axe sooner. I really like Adam though. I am glad he lasts a little longer. It is weird that the only character that makes it through the entire series is Ellen herself. Can’t wait for season 2 in February!!!

Money:
I went to consumer credit counseling. They were not able to help. Apparently, you have to overextend yourself with more places to qualify for help there. I understand it, but I really don’t know what I can do about it. I need $6,000 yesterday and seemingly no way to get it. Blah.

Job #2:
I have not heard back from anyone, but still have some applications to take back. I really want to clear up my life so I can be financially content again.

Featured Image Art: photo by Alfred Kenneally (via Unsplash)

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???
I know, I know… I have been missing in action. Actually, I was having Internet issues, but spent the weekend watching DVDs at Lori’s so I didn’t worry about it. I just called and got it fixed.

Sunday in the car with Lori:
Lori and I spent all night watching Big Brother 3 DVDs Saturday night. We finally decided to sleep at 8:45 Sunday morning. We settled for a nap really. I was up and about by noon. She had come over, tried to figure out the computer problem, and decided to go back to her house. I could see that something was troubling her. So, I told her I wanted to go thrift store shopping and she was coming with me. She told me that she wasn’t dressed for it, to which I replied “then go get that way.” We had fun trying to find Goodwill, a particular one anyway. Before finding it, we discovered this kinda skanky thrift store where everything is 50% off. I usually think such places are ridiculous. They almost always clearly mark the prices twice what the items are worth. But this one was done well. The prices were similar to other thrift stores, but then you took off half. I loaded up on sweaters. I got some nice ones. We then went to Goodwill, where I found some corduroy pants and drapes. They are God-awful blue on white almost damask, almost toile, vinyl textured things. I also got yellow and pink ones in the same pattern. They are so bad that they are perfect for my house and I might just grow to love them. Lori scored a cute sweater that I swear she already owns and a sweatshirt. I actually really liked the sweatshirt… It has the cricket green couch on the front and the shirt is mint green. Weird, but fun. We then went to Don Pablo’s for lunch. I love fish tacos, but the ones there aren’t my favorites. They were okay, but not as good as say Atomic Burrito. Then we went back to her house and watched Will & Grace DVDs. It was an excellent day.

Featured Image Art: photo by drapes I got from Goodwill

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Faboo:
Lulu Faboo had a sale. Yes, that means I needed more stuff. I picked up the Tare Panda trash can I was eyeing last time I was there. I think I will use it for something else though. I also got a few stickers for work, but really I held back. I would love to go back and get a little more, but I think the sale is over… maybe I am wrong.

BB5:
I fully expect Karen to be evicted tonight, but I am going to be very upset about it anyway.

Featured Image Art: Sanrio character Deery-lou, The Cheerful Fawn

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Life is too damn complicated!!!
So, it was brought to my attention by way of big orange sticker, that my tag was way expired. I hadn’t really thought to check, since I got the car in December. Oh well… but I had no money to switch the insurance into my name and my parents didn’t want to continue the policy. I really needed to do something. I finally negotiated with my dad for him to go get the new tag, I would pick it up, and I would pay him back.

After work, I rode with Lori home because she offered to take me to Stillwater (an hour away), but she wanted to change clothes first. When I got upstairs, my electricity had been shut off. Apparently, I didn’t pay it last week like I thought. I was so irritated, but I called and paid. Of course it was too late for today.

Lori drove me to Stillwater and we only stayed briefly. On the way, I asked about sleeping at her house. A formality really, as I have fallen asleep there before. We finally got back to Tulsa at 9:45. I was feeling sick again, but this time there was the feeling of vomiting. It didn’t happen.

Back in my dark house, I took a shower by dim candlelight and daydreamed about not having electricity at all. Life would be so different… Went to Lori’s, tried to sleep, tried to sleep, tried to sleep, slept. I woke up unhappy, late, in pain, and with no patience. My illness is not a going away. I feel slightly better, but there is a dull abdominal pain involved now. I think I am fine, but will take care of it when proven wrong. Blah.

Big Brother:
Yay, it is BB5 night!

 

 

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Stupid Locks!
When I got home from work yesterday, the guys who came in to caulk the windows had locked the lock I don’t have a key to! Blah. A guy working here had to get a ladder, climb up on the balcony (which I had unlocked), and open the door for me. It only took 45 minutes to get in… SO IRRITATING. Then, I went over to Lori’s. I didn’t take anything with me (except my phone) and left the door open because I was pretty tired and really just staying for dinner. I fell asleep. I woke up to my alarm clock on my phone… still at Lori’s. I quietly left, locking her door behind me. When I got to my door, IT WAS LOCKED!!! So I went to Lori’s, thinking I would have to wake her up somehow. Fortunately she was already up. She let me in and I located my keys on the computer desk. Now, here is the irritating thing. Jess locked it. Jess came over to use the computer (and she is welcome to enter when she wants and use the computer when she wants), but the keys were sitting right in front of her!!! Why would she lock the door, knowing I didn’t have my keys? Blah. I am sick of being locked out of my house now…

Work:
I am down to 2 employees… EGAD! I really need some new people, and then one of them was acting like she was looking for a new job. She assured me yesterday that she was not quitting (THANK GOD), but was looking to get a full time job somewhere else, making her available only on weekends. That is good AND bad. She is the closest thing I have to a lead. It’s okay; this will make her happier. Blah. It’s rather like a mass exodus at work right now, and we seriously need to start hiring.

Drama:
There seems to be a lot of drama in my life right now. My family has some issues, and I just pray everything goes well. KC gets tubes put in her ears on Thursday (she is only nine months). Jess keeps going into labor and can’t have the baby until after this coming weekend. September 17 is the due date… can we say “not gonna make it!” Mom is working towards her goals of being sober. I am super proud of her. Bradley lost his new job. I feel so bad for him because he is such a hard worker. Blah.

Bills:
Oh yeah, I am supposed to pay those, huh?

Big Brother:
The house is irritating me right now. I think that everyone is trying hard to be diplomatic, seeing as opposing sides were once in a strong alliance. It isn’t working and a lot of people are powder kegs. I think that Will is so great and I hope he gets to stay. Nik, Will, or Marvin are my current favs to win. A twin needs to go next week though!

Amazing Race:
I have really watched so little of this that I wasn’t too invested. However, I need to stop now that my favorite team was eliminated. Blah.

Featured Image Art: photo by Markus Winkler (via Unsplash)

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Boys:
Blah. Where are the boys?

DVDs I can watch over and over:
•Boondock Saints
•Donnie Darko
•Office Space
•Moulin Rouge
•Friends (any season)
•Queer As Folk (any season)
•Will & Grace (any season)
•I’m The One That I Want – Margaret Cho
•Metrosexuality
•Futurama (any volume)
•Zoolander
•Dogma
•Adventures Of Priscilla Queen Of The Desert

These aren’t necessarily my favorite movies, just what I tend to pop in. Now, that’s a list that makes me look gay!

Work:
Our store manager is back from her vacation. Hopefully, she had a great time and will be a joy to work with. She usually is anyway. I think I have decided that I definately want to come into a large sum of money so I will never have to work again. It would be nice to be independantly wealthy, even if I continued to work. Blah. I guess that is the American dream though: to be filthy rich and sit around all day.

Mom:
I am reading Straight Parents, Gay Children to see if my mom would benefit from it, and I really think she would at this point.

Featured Image Art: still from The Boondock Saints (2000)

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Big Brother:
I am having some trouble choosing which group I like now that the horsemen are dead. I am really siding with Will & Karen, but I fear they will soon be targeted unless the join with the twins now. Adria and Natalie are amazing players, but I don’t really want them to win. At this point, I would be happy with Jennifer, Will, or Drew. I know he was driving the house nuts, but I really liked Jase in the end. Not to win, but he made the house interesting.

That was incredibly geeky, I know.

Travis:
It is so nice to have a friend who understands me on the level that Travis does. JD almost understands me as much, but just is the slightest bit less tuned in to me. I really feel like I couldn’t get through life without Mr Travis. He is such a source of support, which has caused a lot of confusion. My parents (Travis, don’t read this part) don’t understand him or why I feel so strongly connected to him. On many occasions they have shared this and every time I am irritated that they would judge him. I don’t know why… why do I need a reason? Maybe it is because I fell in love with him. Maybe it is because he has always been there for me. Maybe it is because he is just a good guy. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Debbie should be so proud of him.

Brent:
I never give people the credit they deserve. I certainly didn’t with Brent. He has most likely known for a while that I am gay. He also would have been fine if I had actually told him. But I didn’t, and wouldn’t. He never treated me any differently, but he still knew. I am so lucky to have such brothers. They are so wonderful. Today is Brent’s birthday so I really need to call him.

Olympics:
Just watched the opening ceremonies, even though I will most likely not see most of the games. It was awesome though and I was very moved by the reception that Iraq and Afghanistan received. The fireworks at the end were also incredible and a reminder that they really spare no expense in this thing.

Featured Image Art: stills from Big Brother Season 5

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Oh Yes, More Vacation:
I am going to try really hard to have a good time in Texas. I will be back Tuesday and my birthday is Thursday… 25!!! I hope to be in much better spirits and get more sleep… God, it’s been awful. I am not looking forward to moving Travis tomorrow, but then I can relax with my friends. They always make me feel better faster than anyone else.

Xanga:
Since Travis is moving, I won’t be able to post while I am gone. I don’t know how I will survive. When I get back I will read everyone’s sites — I haven’t done much of that lately. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I love all of you!

Lori:
I know you will have done too much before you stop yourself. I thank you, silly-butt. Keep your fingers crossed for A & Natalie. I will call if they are voted off… it’ll suck that bad! Holly really must go

Featured Image Art: photo of Natalie & Adria from Big Brother Season 5

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DVD:
I finally got Northern Exposure Season One. It makes me feel like a teenager again. It came on when I was 10 and my family was hooked. My dad grew up in Alaska, so it may have been about that. I love it though.

Nostalgia:
I have been crazy nostaligic lately. Every tiny thing reminds me of being a kid. I even purchased Fruity Pebbles and Coco Puffs so I could remember them. Am I really old enough to feel this way? This was only 10 years ago.

Plants:
My plants may die. I can’t decide if I care.

Justin:
I spent the day with Justin. We went to Bangkok (my favorite Thai place) and then to Target. We picked up a lot of clothes and a new DVD player. Maybe this one will work… Hopefully!! Justin isn’t home enough, what with his new boyfriend and his job and the voices in his head going away. He is sick now though… C’est la vie!

DVD:
Spending more quality time with Northern Exposure tonight…

Featured Image Art: still from Northern Exposure

originally posted on Xanga