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2004:
It is nearly over. I have survived, but I feel like just barely. The past couple of weeks have been so stressful and exhausting. I feel like I haven’t had any time to myself. Because I haven’t. I blog when I am alone and off work. It is my release, my sanctuary. But there has been none. It is done. Christmas behind us, we will be settling back into the day to day routine soon. I look forward to that time. It is funny how the times I so enjoyed as a child are the very ones that stress me out and I hate as an adult.

Belated:
I really must wish a happy birthday to a few people. I missed the actual days, and I am sorry for that. Conner and Nick both had birthdays on the 20th, Sandra on the 22nd, Jesus on the 25th… hmm. I know there were some others. I can’t think what they were. Hmm.

Now that things have settled and the “holidays” are over, I will write more this week.Continue Reading

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Man, I feel like a woman… no, no wait… I don’t either…
So, as you may guess from that bit of stupidity, I went ahead and got the Shania Twain Greatest Hits CD. I absolutely love it!!! Am I worried about the money that will now not be available for bills… no. Should I be? Probably. I also got the Britney Spears album. I like both of them, but had never actually purchased a CD from either of them. Me=nerd.

Xanga:
I like the new feature on Xanga I think… kinda juvenile and hook-upy, but the format is nice. I would like to see some things updated though. I would like to be able to join more blogrings as a premium member. I would also like to phone in posts like livejournal users. I think that is great, especially when you have no access to a computer, but have something to say and don’t want to lose it. Mine would end up being pathetic, but that would have to be okay.

Fun & Games:
Tuesday evening was fun. I went over to Lori’s and played Settlers with her and Jess. Always a little bitter, never too boring, usually a great time. It was nice. It had been so long since we played. Hopefully we can play Magic sometime soon. I really am more interested in doing that. We also played Yatzee. I was first loser in that game.

All this game playing was brought to you by Lori’s new dining room set, which is awesome. I absolutely love it. It is inbetween regular height and bar height, which just makes me feel like a kid. It is a gorgeous deep red wood that just looks like Lori. It is also the perfect size for any board game. Excellent purchase.

Speaking of games and fun, I really want to host a party soon. I had offered to have a New Year’s party, forgetting that Lori always has the New Year’s party, just like John always had the Halloween party. I might just do a game night, but if I must I could always have a Christmas party. I just fear that everyone will be partied out.

Parents:
After planning to visit, I found out that my parents will be out of town the entire time I am off. I am going over on Saturday night while my mom packs between her trips and I’ll stay through Sunday. My dad will be there Sunday… It is weird because they are always home. And my mom offered to take me with her to Nebraska, but I have to be back to work before she gets back. Oh well… Maybe I can visit Brad & Jess Sunday too. (I really just want to see the nephews, but I will pretend to want to see my brother and his wife… )

Sorry about those horrid buttons. I never really saw them. I have replaced them. I hope the images are better.Continue Reading

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Top 10 Contemporary Books:
1. The Perks Of Being A Wallflower : Stephen Chbosky
2. Dandelion Wine : Ray Bradbury
3. Dream Boy : Jim Grimsley
4. The Foreigner : Meg Castaldo
5. Fraud : David Rakoff
6. Double Trouble : Barthe DeClements & Christopher Greimes (Children’s Book)
7. Me Talk Pretty One Day : David Sedaris
8. Where The Heart Is : Billie Letts
9. Pure Sunshine : Brian James (Teen Book)
10. This Present Darkness : Frank E PerettiContinue Reading

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Family:
This year was supposed to be better. What happened? My other grandma passed away in March and my mother revealed a drinking problem (you may remember my worry about her — she was drunk those times). All in all, it’s been sucky so far this year.

Work:
I was promoted to Music Dep’t Manager @ work. I like it, but I have been a little stressed.

Computers:
I again have an ISP, so I can write here more.Continue Reading

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Family:

I saw a movie with my uncle, which was fun. I rarely see him and I really enjoy him. We saw Riding In Cars With Boys — I liked it. We also went to IHOP, where I had my dinner. He is going to see about selling his condo to me! I hope it works out. I am excited.

My mom’s birthday was on the 18th and I was over the night before to see her. i worry about her. She is ALWAYS sick… she was so sick on her birthday that my dad wouldn’t let me talk to her. Oh well. I want her to go see a doctor. Not that I am any better — I am always sick and was starting to think I may be a hypochondriac for a while… probably not. I’d like to visit home one of these times without mom being sick.

Work:

I have been depressed for a while — my review actually was worse than I had imagined and I did not get my raise… That is why it got postponed so much. My dep’t mgr didn’t want to tell me that I did poorly. Really I know I earned my raise, but I decided to not let it get to me. It’s just $15 extra bucks I would blow anyway. And I think it can be reevaluated in a few months. Nothing to stress too much over. I also decided not to make excuses about it, although no such agreement was made for Xanga. I feel that I may have not done my best in the past year, but I really had a hard year. Starting with Oct 2000: my good friend, Justin (for whom I am a caretaker in many ways), is in and out of mental hospitals following the death of his grandma, who is more like his mother to him, my grandma (“G”) starts to get very sick, severe pains send me to doctor, who does several tests and finds NOTHING wrong, my great grandma (Artie) dies, exactly one week later, G dies, Justin continues in and out of hospitals (not giving me a chance to mourn), I become severley depressed, my dad’s sister and family cut off contact with us because of my dad’s decision to give a fewe pieces of furniture to me and my brothers (being the executor of her estate and having spent 6 months watching her die, he feels justified), Justin moves in, Justin’s great grandma dies, Brad proposes to Janessa, which I cannot tell, my roommates prepare to move after a guy staying with us for a week takes off with their $70, I prepare for Brad & Jess to move in, Jess is now pregnant, Brad & Jess get married, Brad gets a promotion and decides to not move, forcing me to move, my roommates reveal that they are moving because I am impossible to live with, Justin and I move into a small apartment,… and here I am. Never in my life has so much happened in one year.

So at work they moved me to the gift section in an effort to spark interest, not realizing that the deep depression prevents interest of any kind in anything. Oh well… I am excited about the new section though. And I have a new dep’t mgr… May. She is awesome. And I can go back to liking Tim.Continue Reading

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Writing:
Whew, pathetic.org is finally up again, and what a relief that I can finally start to write. It was always a good way to get me writing. I should start here soon. I have so much in my head to get out, what with the attacks, the new baby on the way, my great grandma is now 100! Lots…

Friends:
I talked to my friend Jerry tonight. It had been a couple of months. I feel bad that I don’t call, but he is a difficult person to remain friends with because he doesn’t really try. His friends don’t stick by him long… that makes me quite sad for Jerry. He will find real love some day.Continue Reading

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Money:
I have got to learn how to stop spending — and I thought putting all my money into the bank would help!!!! NO! I can’t figure out how I spend all of my money when my expenses are so low. How? Anyone have good advice for getting out from under paycheck-to-paycheck living?

Family:
I am starting to get excited about my brother’s new baby… I can’t wait. They are expecting a Thanksgiving baby… That would be a cool holiday treat.Continue Reading