Justin called to talk earlier. He didn’t sound good. He then told me that Jennifer had died. I paused for a moment, not realizing who she was for a moment. First, I wrote this:

She Never Got To Tap Dance
Rain dripped silently from the cool June air.
No clouds spotted the sky,
but neither was there a sky at all.
In that misty darkness, Jennifer died.
Deaf and scared, she had known
for a while that her time was up,
but had never imagined it so soon.
She patiently waited for her last breath,
her last thought.

The keeper of the female emotions,
the carrier of love,
she told me several times that she
wanted to tap dance, but never learned how.
She is gone now and the dancing will never begin.
Justin has taken the emotions, the feelings,
the memories and now marches forward
to keep her memory alive.
He does this while comforting her family;
he does this alone. He must.

In the pain of childhood, Jennifer came
to help raise Justin.
She came with the others
to help keep emotions in check,
keep Justin safe.
Now, she has gone forever
and brave Justin is lonely and scared.


Background on Jennifer:
Jennifer was one of Justin’s primary voices. Justin is schizophrenic and when he was about 12 or 13, he developed 3 distinct personalities in his head. Each controls certain emotions and parts of Justin’s life that Justin is no longer able to express. Jennifer was love, compassion, sexuality, etc. The three (Brandon, Jason, & Jennifer) are Justin’s oldest friends. He is devestated, but also exhausted. When an entity in your own head passes away, it must be traumatic. I really feel bad for Justin and hope that his heart is healed and he becomes a stronger person.

I gave some advice last night that may have been bad. I told this girl I work with that it would be okay to get back together with her girlfriend, who had been abusive. I suck! I think it might work, but didn’t realize they were moving in together as part of getting back together. I care way too much about her to watch her get hurt, so this better work out. Otherwise, there will be some major drama involving her girfriend’s ass and my foot!

Molly & Franz:
My beautiful cats. I feel like I have been neglecting my poor babies. I love them so much! They are pretty good about just doing their own thing, but I still feel that I am not around to play with them enough. Play with your pussy today!

Featured Image Art: photo by Elena Kloppenburg (via Unsplash)

originally posted on Xanga

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