Goodbye Kitty:
Enough already with the creepy Japanese characters… they are so gay! Hey, me too… Hmm… I really do love Sanrio, but the characters just make me look so over the top and… something. Blah.

Mom (the information I have):
Apparently, she took a large quantity of sleeping pills after some conversation with her brother. It really pisses me off. Brad took her to the hospital, where she ended up in ICU. This all occurred in the middle of the night. I finally talked to my dad this morning. A couple of times. He had me call my aunt, told me she was fine, and told me he would update me. Okay… I was at work, so fine. Brad called a little later and told me I needed to come over after work. He said my dad wanted me there, but wasn’t even aware that I had talked to him earlier today. It was frustrating. I am not going over there.

Mom (why I won’t go):
I can’t. I don’t want to be around for this. I can’t help. I can’t see her. I am upset. I don’t want to drive. I don’t want to halt my life every other week because she needs attention, which makes me sound heartless. I am angry with her. I don’t want to be just another person there. I am tired. I am stressed and nobody listens to my frustrations. I am selfish. I hate life right now and don’t want to risk a happy moment. I really feel like I just don’t want to be there. I hate hospitals right now. I do want to, but really want to be stubborn. I have things to do. I have had a long day and don’t need it to be longer. I think I make things worse because she is still having a hard time with my being gay. I just want one of these fucking days to be happy. I want to enjoy being me. I feel like my presence solves nothing. She is fine. She did this to herself. She knows I love her. She doesn’t want me to see her this way. She doesn’t want me involved this way. She wants me to just be her son.

Guilt trips are evil. I shouldn’t be required to justify my feelings just because someone else doesn’t agree. Today sucks a little.

Meghan managed to make me smile today. Thank you Meg.

Featured Image Art: photo of KC & LaDonna (her Nana)

originally posted on Xanga

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