When I think about my friends, I tend to define them in the way episodes of the show Friends were titled. There is the one who reads too much, the one who works too much, the one who is handy, the one who is always kidding, the one I kissed, the one who moved, the one who ran, the one who made me come out when it wasn’t time, the one who writes, & the one who is always growing up. There are others and they are always defined in this way to me. Then there is me. For whatever reason, I am always the one who cannot have a bad day. I don’t like that about myself most of the time, but I am usually able to just accept it and move on.
Regardless of what my emotional state is, I am never as bad off as my friends. Currently, I am feeling rather lonely and sad — I would love for my 2 closest friends to be around, even if only here and there. However, both of them are having issues of their own. Both of them have more reason to be emotionally distant than I do to be emotionally needy. But this is the pattern of my life. If I am down, someone else is more down. If I feel lost, someone else needs my help finding their way.
I’ll get through it. I’ll be fine in the end. But I won’t have managed with much help from my friends. I know they care… they really do, but they can’t always be there. I hope that this is how I grow. It feels sad to grow without those around to comfort me when I am gloomy. Maybe it is. But I don’t really get a choice most of the time.
I’m not really fishing for comfort on here either. I know you are all supportive. I just needed to share because I can’t get my way right now. My friends don’t have time for me right now (or they want to be left alone or they have other issues going on). I’m not indicating that I blame them for having lives of their own either. My feelings are not their fault. But I am frustrated and those who read this get to deal with it now.
Thanks for listening to me whine.
Image: AI Image (created using Wonder AI)
Featured Image Art: photo of Ashley, John, & Heather