There is nothing in the world as wonderful as sugar free popsicles. It is one of those things that I cannot stop myself from eating once I start, which is why I look for the smallest boxes possible. Last night, I selected a rather large box, 24 popsicles, and had myself a little party. I stopped myself with 2 left and my tongue irreversibly in pain. Today, the reminder of that wonderful dinner is a dull pain that will eventually go away as my tongue heals. I guess you really can get too much of a good thing.

I went out with some work people the other night, a sort of Pride celebration of our own. It was nice to be out in the world. I rarely leave my house to enjoy myself, preferring solitude most of the time. After a little lesbian mud wrestling, some dancing, and general stupidity I remember what I liked about the world. Perhaps it is time to come out of seclusion.

While I’ve known this about myself for a long time, I really wish I wasn’t constantly reminded of it: I have trouble finding the line between friendship and love at the beginning stages of getting to know someone. I imagine that isn’t uncommon, but it does irritate me about myself. Spending time with someone who is fantastically poorly suited to me as a partner, but who I am ridiculously infatuated with, made the pleasantness of our evening a little tainted. I wish that social interaction was more natural to me. I always feel a little like I’m viewing everyone else in their natural habitat, like some sort of nature park. I almost never quite feel connected to all of the other people. I’m starting to wonder if my nephew might be right, but about all of us. Perhaps we really are just from another planet entirely.

I know that perfect person — the one who understands me as well as I will him — is out there. Patience can be trying, but I haven’t reached the end of it just yet. I do keep saying that; I suppose it is still true.

what i’m up to:
reading :: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire :: J.K. Rowling (yes, still!!!)
listening to :: No One Is Really Beautiful / Sarah :: Jude :&: The Freshmen (single) :: Jay Brannan


  1. hi B,

    I also LOVE sugar free popsicles…I however only eat one maybe 2 at a time. I know there is someone out there that is amazing for you….how do I know..because you are amazing.

    I love and miss you..


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