How is it that my parents could have raised me and I still got a completely different perception of what religion should be. I am a Christian, although I am often embarrassed to say so. I am. I believe that Jesus is God’s Son who came here and died for my forgiveness, but I do not believe in the angry God who punishes us, as my parents seem to sometimes. My God is my friend — He is someone I can talk to and who loves me for me, regardless of who that is. My parents have put conditions of their acceptance of me. They will come around (that is what I tell myself). It just doesn’t make sense that not only did my idea of God come out to be different, but my brothers’ views vary from my own as well as from my parents’. Interesting.

I use the genderless He in reference to the Lord. I believe God is above gender and do not refer to him as male. The common He in reference is just easier than using God or the Lord every time. I believe it is ignorant and arrogant to assume we know anything about God, including gender.

I am so lonely lately. Somehow I can not do without a boyfriend now, even though I have gone 21 years without. You would think that I would be used to not having one. It doesn’t work that way though. Every time I see Jude Law, Toby Maguire, or Joseph Fiennes I get depressed. It is hard to meet guys here. All the guys here just want to have sex, and what is wrong with the rest of it — those other parts of a relationship. I like to think I would be the type to not sleep around and keep a boyfriend for life. Maybe I am just kidding myself though. Maybe I am the slut. Maybe I should just go out and sleep with every guy I meet… I bet that wouldn’t solve anything. It would only make me more lonely. I will just have to wait…

Featured Image Art: photo by Aaron Burden (via Unsplash)

originally posted on Xanga

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