My stomach decided to go on the attack and I have been really unhappy for about 24 hours. Blah! I’ve medicated and hopefully will be all better very soon.
I really did spend the day being pretty unhappy. I had friends over late, I couldn’t sleep because of my stomach issues, and overslept for work. I felt really bad. And then I couldn’t seem to get anything right at work. Grr.
Many paper companies released Valentine’s Day collections last summer. Those who didn’t only waited until October to do so. That was smart. Now, when Valentine’s is finally on everyone’s minds, those collections can easily be found at many retailers. Maybe it is because I am so bitter over never having had a Valentine of my own, but I hate this holiday. I do more to celebrate Groundhog Day than Valentine’s Day. Because of that, most of the products make me a little bit ill. The ones I put on here do not. In fact, several companies did a really nice job this year with making the day of love more tolerable.
Cosmo Cricket
Chemistry
I love Cosmo Cricket. With Chemistry, they are getting even closer to a Valentine’s line I can stomach. I basically like the colors and the idea behind this one, but it falls on the too-funky-for-me side of things. I may need some for some cardmaking, but I can generally skip this one. I’d still recommend it for Valentine’s that are just a little different. Next time, I’d like to see something edgier from the fantastic people at Cosmo Cricket.
B+
SEI
Lovebirds
I love the bird theme of this V-Day collection. I especially liked the “Love Nest” paper. Great idea. I am not wild about the shade of pink used in this collection though. Even worse, I don’t think the collection coordinates all that well. Since each paper is so unique, they needed to be unified with color and I don’t find that they really are here. These will make great individual sheets to be used on projects, but really don’t do great together, which I feel they really should. SEI paper is always great to work with, so still might be worth your time.
B
Basic Grey
Bittersweet
These are beautiful papers! Browns and pinks still look fresh together and the candy theme is delicious.. hehe. This is a very sophisticated collection that will make Valentine’s layouts really pop. Basic Grey keep getting better at putting together these collections. Negative note: I don’t like the names of the papers, which is rather insignificant to using them.
A-
K & Co.
Brenda Walton’s Sweet Talk
Quintessential Valentine’s Day! This collection is so perfect. It reminds me of being a kid and checking my white paper bag to see if I had received any Valentines that day. If you want to do it traditionally, this is the way to go! Quite likely my favorite of the Valentine’s Day paper collections this year, if only for the nostalgia.
A
Making Memories
Love Notes
B
I’ve been digging through websites in an attempt to catch previews of the upcoming releases from various craft companies. CHA is at the end of this month and I haven’t been able to hold out. Tim Holtz is clearly not offering any previews. I was hoping, but I’m hardly surprised. 7gypsies has a preview coming soon and I’m very curious.
I did see the new releases from Cosmo Cricket and I’m really excited to get my hands on some of it! They did a great job of creating some new collections. I’d really like to see another Wanted or Gretel come out during the Summer CHA, but these new ones will look great in my crafting for a while.
Snorkel
This new collection is bright a fun, but with far more depth than the releases a year ago. It is vintage Cosmo Cricket, with weathered edged papers and beautifully coordinating colors. I’m not a fan of the beach myself, but I can’t help loving this. I was immediately drawn to the claw brackets journaling tag and the “Current” paper. I’m going to make a lot of use of this paper for punches of color in my projects.
A
Everafter
I love the Everafter collection. Not only will it make for beautiful wedding themed cards and layouts, but would be great as a framed group of papers. They have a smaller pattern than I would normally use, but I still really like the patterns they do have. The best part is that Cosmo Cricket released a collection that is in the colors I am currently using in my home. Greys, whites, oranges, and blues are beautiful together. I look forward to picking up a lot of this paper as soon as it is available.
A+
Lil’ Man
This collection is really just an expansion and revision of Lil’ Boys from the Biography 101 collection. I like its simplicity; it has a wonderfully vintage feel and doesn’t beat you over the head with masculinity. Since Lil’ Boys is an 8×8 paper pad, this 12×12 collection will go really well with it or will look nice by itself. I’m really taken with “Dapper Dan” and “Handsome Henry.”
B
Girl Friday
My least favorite of the new Cosmo Cricket releases, this collection ain’t too shabby. School girls are such an easy scrapbooking subject and this group of papers works well for that very purpose. Whereas Lil’ Man is an expansion of an existing collection, Girl Friday is an entirely new collection. While I doubt I make use of any of the papers in this collection, the Girl Friday Elements are a must-have for my scrapbooks. I will overbuy these as soon as I can.
B-
Along with these new full collections, Cosmo Cricket also is releasing spinner cards, which are kinda fun, and two new blackboard albums. Scarlet is great, but the shape has been done by Basic Grey very recently. The Flirt album is pretty much useless to me. It has a very small surface area and its shape is too funky for me.
There is so much coming in the crafting world. I’m much more excited by what I see than I was during most of 2008. It seems cool is coming back again!
Christmas is starting to get further and further behind us. It all just rushed by too quickly this year. I normally don’t care for the holidays, but really felt good about them this year. It felt as though I had found a place I really belonged. I’m relieved to have found people I am that comfortable around and who seemed just as happy to include me in their plans. I could not have been blessed with better friends.
It has been a good year. I have a terrific job, amazing friends, & life seems generally great. I cannot hope for much more from 2009. I’m looking forward to finding out what this year will be all about.
I try not to make any resolutions, so I will continue resisting. Six months from now I may find that I stopped or started something very near the beginning of the year. That happened when I stopped eating meat (2007) and when I stopped using plastic bags (2008). I wonder who I’ll be during the year I turn 30.
And now, some dreadful poetry.
New
The ends are beginning
arbitrary moments in time —
halts
reflection washes over the dissatisfied
resolve replacing regret as a new chapter is written
in a life not quite lived, but often contemplated
Time does not pause
does not wait for understanding
does not wait for readiness
does not cooperate
does not expect us to be someone new
12.31.2008
Yep, that was horrible! I guess they can’t all be amazing.
I’m really looking forward to starting the business I want to start. I need to save some money first though. I think an online retail business is something I am very capable of doing though. For now, etsy will have to be my outlet for that. It has been fun creating some things just for the shop. I am itching to get into buying wholesale papercrafting supplies and selling them though. It’ll happen.
I’ve been pretty homesick for my family in Oklahoma. Fortunately, I’ve been able to surround myself with love, which has helped. I still am anxious to get home for a visit, but listlessness does nothing for me. I’d rather feel whole and visit because I want to, not because I have to. July seems so far away though.
I hope the holidays are treating everyone as well as they have been treating me.
Last night I saw Milk, Gus Van Sant’s new movie about Harvey Milk. It was amazing and worth watching for anyone. Harvey Milk has always been one of my idols and this film painted his life so beautifully. Sean Penn portrays him so well that I often forgot that I was watching Sean Penn… that is a great thing.
Get out there and see this one. It is a moving tribute to a real hero.
We’ve started an etsy shop. Visit it here! I’m starting out a bit simple, but as soon as I make more time there will be more stuff on there. Visit, spend money, repeat frequently.
I’ve been trying to find the words. Life has seemed so dreamlike, but simultaneously empty since Thanksgiving. I don’t mean to make this about me. Like so many things in life though, my narcissism will likely take over here.
Thanksgiving 2008 will be one of those days that sticks in my mind; it’s a day that shook things up. It may have changed everything, but it is far too soon to tell. During dinner, David proposed to Daniel. He brought the ring in on a piece of pumpkin pie, told Daniel that he was thankful for him and asked Daniel to marry him. I could barely control my emotions. Neither could anyone else. My entire body sighed with relief and excitement as Daniel said yes to David.
I have no way to express how beautiful that moment was and how happy it makes me feel; the words aren’t enough or are not quite there. It just filled me with great peace.
But this has meant much more to me than that. This year has been important for me. I spent my early twenties thinking I could take care of everyone else — should take care of everyone else. It brought me a great deal of happiness, but took so much of my energy that I never stopped to take care of myself. As soon as I got into a groove, I couldn’t remember how to take care of myself and have spent my late twenties content to be alone. I feel like I am just waiting for the next person who needs me to take care of them, resisting full on codependency only just. I forgot how to chase down dates and how to talk to men. I’m now paralyzed with fear, my instincts drained away with my youth.
I can’t sleep. This engagement has been a painful wake-up call of sorts. I want so much to find the love that I see between David & Daniel. I can’t help my jealousy, which I’m terrified to say I’ve often misinterpreted as longings for both of them. Coming together in this way made things clearer. This is right. Heaven opened up and touched these two lovely souls and built a mutual path for them to travel together. I want that. I deserve that. I need that.
I’ve never been interested in playing around, going through lines of guys trying to find one I can spend my life with and just sleeping with the rest. I want a friend — a soulmate. I believe it is out there for me and I am so anxious to find it.
I’m very happy for my friends. This next year is going to be amazing. And I will not accept loneliness anymore. My life is waiting and I cannot keep putting it on hold for needy friends who don’t need me to stop being myself.
Congratulations David & Daniel! You two are perfect and give me hope. I love you both.
Family — So many people I know have strained relationships — or no relationship at all — with their families. I am so lucky to have parents who have become friends over time. And my brothers are some of the best people I’ve come across in life. I’d want all four members of my immediate family in my life even if I wasn’t related to them. They remain my only regret in moving to Alaska. I wish I could see them more than I do, but cherish even more strongly those times I do get to spend with them.
Alaskans — As lucky as I was to get such amazing parents and brothers, I never thought I would be as lucky in my life again. I’ve always resigned myself to the notion that friends come into and drift from your life with great fluidity. That is why I love people with such ferocity when they are in my life — I know it will not last. However, the group of people who have found a way to let me into their lives here in Alaska are the ones I don’t accept a temporary friendship with. David, Daniel, & Denis feel like family in a way few of my friends have in my life. All three make me feel safe in unique ways. I am so thankful for them. And I’m trying my hardest to not hold on too tightly.
Oklahoma — I needed to leave to appreciate it. I think it is true that every place has a unique sense of itself and I’m quite content to be from Oklahoma. I wouldn’t want to be from anywhere else.
Books — I up and left a better paying job with more obvious room for growth to work in a bookstore again. I simply need to be around books. I enjoy my job at Title Wave Books in Anchorage for a lot of reasons. None of those reasons are because it isn’t Barnes & Noble, which I still miss, or Borders, which I still miss. To me, it isn’t about a place being corporate or independent. It isn’t about what the store looks like. It is the books themselves and the life they give the place.
Old Friends — As people have drifted out of my life, some have not drifted away from me, but towards new lives for themselves. Those people have remained an important part of my life. Sometimes I find it hard to remember that I am loved; these people have reminded me in some way. I appreciate them so much.
Animals — We aren’t here on this planet alone. There are so many beautiful creatures we are blessed to share our world with. My life is enriched with both cats and dogs, whose sense of themselves makes me wonder how animal intelligence can be disregarded. I am thankful that I share my planet — my home — with hoofed, clawed, feathered, & furry individuals.
Shopping — I am a consumer. I love to find things that are beautiful to add to my home, even at the expense of being responsible.
Have a happy Thanksgiving.
I had a series of dreams that were extremely vivid last night. In one, I was watching as two young guys destroyed an ancient monument of some significance. I was some distance back recording the whole thing. Another man came up to me, excited that I had caught them, but encouraged me to get out before they say me. We made our way through the forest we were in until the helpful man tried to kill me. I picked up a large stick and stabbed him. He pretended to die, but I couldn’t get myself to stab him again, so I left. I watched him get up and run the other way… and then I woke up.
In another, similarly disturbing one, I was in a house with a woman who I lived with. We were the only ones capable of summoning a guy who would certainly kill. She left it to me, fearing that there were people about to discover that we had the incantation, but knowing that if there was only one of us that they couldn’t kill one. She gave me a flashlight and the book containing the incantation and told me that when the time was right, I would know what to do. After many threats and negotiations with those who’d broken into the house, I said the incantation, resurrecting the killer. And then I stared at the flashlight, wondering when the “right time” would come. And then I woke up.
I the last one, I went to work on what seemed like a normal day. Most people were on bike, but I made my way to one of the few car spaces and parked my car in a device that dangled it over the edge of a cliff to keep it safe. I went to punch in under a large tent, full to capacity with all sorts of people. A woman came up and asked for help getting a few things while I was getting ready for my day in the back of the tent. The other employees just raised their eyebrows at her and went back to socializing. I apologized for them and offered to help her. She gave me a list and told me the things were just too high to reach. Still outside, we made our way through a bustling world of an outdoor fair of some sort, down a path and towards the items she wanted, high up in a tent on the far side of the many acres. On the way I remarked that he charcoal sequined dress was the most perfect dress for her, but did not mention the bright orange sneakers she’d chosen to pair with them. A trio of ladies tried to get me to help them, but I told them I was helping someone else and to sit tight and someone would be by. The chose to follow us instead. Somehow, I lost the lady I was helping and the other three. I did find one of my managers who remarked at what a successful Oktoberfest this was. And it was. Everyone was happy and enjoying themselves. The fun was organic; very little structure disrupted people’s enjoyment. I made my way up steep rocks, where I thought to myself that going to the gym and running around the rainforest before work were probably not my best ideas. And then I woke up.
What does it all mean… and why did I remember these dreams?
This election was such a relief. Thank you to those whose states voted for Obama. Mine did not.
I apologize for Alaska; don’t judge us all by the actions of those who have voted for a convicted felon.
untitled [mediocrity]
How are we preparing ourselves to be gods,
to shed these skins and rise to greatness?
I’ve been expecting miracles and have found
normalcy.
Mediocrity is punishment for lack of passion,
a pain I’ve allowed to flow through me,
finding ways to penetrate my fibers.
I’m looking for ways to free the me who
screams and wants to be released.
10.15.2008
The creative block continues. It took considerable time to squeeze the above from my head and I really believe that while writing should be a lot of work, it shouldn’t be this difficult. Perhaps I need to put aside my silly fears and just write the things I know would flow easily. Perhaps I should try harder. I’m waiting for that elusive muse the deliver a swift kick to my backside and get me moving. Maybe I’ve waited too long; I should just do it myself.
So, the snow come to us about a month earlier than it did last year. I’m both annoyed and relieved by its return. I do love the crispness of the air when I walk outside in the morning. It blasts me awake in a refreshing way. I love the stillness of a busy city when it is blanketed in softness that blocks out the sound. To be surrounded by bustling and still feel peaceful is a surreal experience that summer doesn’t offer in the same way for me. But I had already forgotten about the driving. I’ll get over it soon enough and it won’t feel like such a big deal to never seem to get through the intersections fast enough. In the meantime, I’ll try to be careful and not let the roads distract me. This place is already piling up with cars crashing into one another. I don’t really want to be a part of that.
Inspiration will come. I trust that. I also know I’m probably forcing it a bit, which won’t help. Maybe I need to get out, have a little fun for once and let my creativity work itself out.
Happy Birthday to KC, Meghan, & my 7 year old kitten, Franz.
Featured Image Art: photo of Franz
The 2 f’s
run through giraffe
like 2 giraffes{Ron Padgett}
Happy birthday to a couple of people I love. Y’all know who you are.
I spent a couple days in Seward with my Sourdough family. It was nice; our trip was in celebration of another marvelous year ticked for Mr. David, but somehow transcended him and was a welcoming moment in all of our lives. I rarely am able to share the beauty of my own birthday and I remain impressed that David was so willing to do such a thing. Some sort of Alaskan magic permeated that place and made our outing seem like some sort of grand vacation instead of the overnight quickie that it really was. Denis, thank you for guidance. Daniel, thank you for the camaraderie. David, thank you for being born. And a very big thank you to the folks in Seward who were uncommonly wonderful people.
It snowed yesterday.
Although I was one of the many Alaskans who sighed a financial sigh of relief recently, I must say all this freedom from worry has made Brian a dull boy. I’ve been doing what I want and when I want to do it. Time to pull back the reigns a little before I find myself begging for food. With this enthusiastic consumerism has come a huge creative block for me. Nothing is flowing as freely as I want it to and my site is suffering for it. Sometimes, there is nothing painful to say, which I suppose is a good thing in a way.
I need to get out of town more often; I enjoy this place.
I’ve been focused on crafting lately… cardmaking and scrapbooking in particular. I’m trying to do things that are unique to me, but sometimes it is hard to find stuff that doesn’t end up making my pages look like everyone else’s. I’d also like to get into artist trading cards (both collecting and making them). I only wish this stuff hadn’t gotten so expensive recently. I’ve been putting stuff on scrapbook.com to get some feedback… there are some really talented people on that site. I’ll probably put stuff on Craftster soon too, but haven’t done much on there yet.
my scrapbook.com gallery
Tim Holtz (I love grungeboard!)
Cosmo Cricket
Paperwishes
Martha Stewart Crafts
I’m a bit stressed. It seems to always be something.
This week, it is family drama keeping me up at night. I’m much more stressed about it than I realized. I wish I was home to be supportive, but glad I’m 4,000 miles from the mess.
Why isn’t ibuprofen a sleeping pill?
On this beautiful August morning, I find myself focused on my soul. God has been at the at the front of my mind for a while now, tugging gently at my spirituality. Having just read My Trip Down the Pink Carpet by Leslie Jordan, I feel less alone in the world than I was starting to feel.
I have some of the best friends one could hope to have. Not only have I been able to retain a whole host of occasional friends from Oklahoma, people with whom I never need to catch up, but love spending time with when I have a chance, but I’ve made some amazing new friends in Alaska. These Alaskan friends are the most giving, warmest people I’ve ever known. But as far as my own faith goes, I cannot begin to relate to any of them.
At best, I’d lump the majority of my friends into the agnostic category. But that is such a religious term. I don’t care for it because it seems to imply a deficiency on their part. And it isn’t them I see as the issue. Although they were all raised Christian, it seems that Christianity failed each of them in some way, keeping them from retaining faith in faith. And to me that is infuriating. It is a clear sign to me of the common treatment of people who insist on being individuals — those who seem to have no choice but to live outside the parameters of strict Christian thought. I’m not only talking about my gay friends whose persecution is well documented, but of anyone whose life doesn’t fit into the idyllic dream of the conservative Christian community.
However, these same non-religious people who I love so much are the ones who make my soul shine brighter than those people I spent years worshiping with. They are my spiritual base. They are some of the most healing and spiritual people I’ve known in my life and recognizing that would do wonders for the religious community.
I often feel like I exist far beyond the norms of any group I’d possibly belong to. But why do I long to belong to a group, to be categorized? That is a silly notion and I do understand that. I’m going to try to be myself more than I have been… and by whatever means I need to… and with or without the support of others. I only know how to be me the way I am.
Jonathan helped to define my belief. Perhaps I need everyone to show me how to get there. Daniel, David, Heather, Denis, Justin, Travis, JD, Kendra… everyone has something to offer and as a whole, it all seems to work together.
Take Back the Word :: Robert E. Gross and Mona West {2000}
My Trip Down the Pink Carpet :: Leslie Jordan {2008}
Stranger at the Gate :: Mel White {1995}
Featured Image Art: AI Image (made using Wonder AI)