Money isn’t everything
I think it is okay to be content with things the way they are.
My point is that there seems to be so much emphasis on obtaining something more, that people aren’t encouraged to live in the moment. Why is it that the importance of living in the moment is something one is supposed to come to in the middle of life? It is a lesson we should be teaching our children, fostering in the young, and embracing fully as a society. That isn’t to say that we shouldn’t dream, shouldn’t aspire to become fully ourselves, but it should mean that being who we at this moment should be okay at times. It should mean that being happy with your place in life shouldn’t be ridiculed.
I hate the pressure to “succeed,” a term I’ve discovered only means amassing as much money as possible. I don’t really care for money. It is divisive and fleeting and has no concrete meaning. It does not equal success to me. That isn’t to say I’d turn more down, but it shouldn’t be my only goal. I’d much rather strive for contentment. I think that causes concern for those whose lives have been much more monetarily driven than my own. Working in a bookstore will never stack up to whatever “potential” they’ve seen in me. Never mind my happiness in working in a place surrounded by literature or the fact that that job simply pays the bills while I write (a job that is almost universally unpaid). To me, it isn’t about having the material things or even the security of money in the bank. It is about living my life the way that feels the most fitting. Right now, I can honestly say it just feels nice to be me. And that cannot mean that I’ve failed to succeed.
Separate But Equal
I’ve said it so many times: a couple does not need to be around one another constantly to remain together. In fact, I think that is the mistake that so many make. Granted, I’ve been single for 30 years now and that doesn’t necessarily qualify me to advise anyone on relationships. However, my parents set such an excellent example of how to be together and stay in love that I freely offer advice based on their experience.
I feel like each person should have his/her own friends. If you love to go to the park, don’t force your partner who hates going to go with you. But don’t deny yourself either. A couple is not a fused unit incapable of being apart. It is two individuals, with the thoughts and beliefs and dreams of two distinct people who find that they always want to be in the company of one another. My parents, being my prime example, have done so well at this that they make it seem effortless. Each of them has hobbies, friends, places they like to go. And they don’t always go together. They’ve vacationed separately even, but always come back to one another. They are truly two individuals who are always drawn together. Tethered, but not fused.
Everyone is able to find this. What destroys this, or prevents it, is jealousy and suspicion. It isn’t even remotely possible when there isn’t trust. But the real key to holding on to someone is respect. If you cannot show any other form of kindness towards someone, show them respect. I have seen friends who do all of these things well and those who struggle with them. Struggling is not failure, but not realizing the struggle might be. I just want everyone to be happy.
I don’t really know why I’m on these tangents. I’m not even sure where they are going. I just needed to get the thoughts out of my head.
Oklahoma/Texas bound
I’m looking forward to my vacation, but still feel like I have too much to do before I leave. It is really overwhelming. Despite the efforts of those around me, I’ve have really attached myself to this Alaska and hope I can continue carving out my life here. If I find the winds shifting, I’ll gladly go where they take me, but for now I’ll be content with my life. Distance can be painful, especially with children who seem to grow up too fast, but I cannot deny myself a life I love over it. Family may be the most important thing there is, but I know they love me just as much 4,000 miles away.
RE: “Separate but equal” I happen to agree with you (and I’m an old married lady, haha), but I also know different levels of togetherness work for different couples. My husband and I are very much each in need of our own time. It wasn’t like that in the beginning however–there was an imbalance because he needed a lot more “alone time” than I was accustomed to (interesting point–he had two younger siblings, I was an only child…). However, we gradually adjusted, and now I really value alone time too. 🙂 It also depends too, I think, on employment status (doesn’t that sound banal?) When I was writing a dissertation at home all day long and he was working 8:30 to 6, he’d come home wanting quiet and I DESPERATELY needed someone to talk to/at (LOL). That’s where your point about having your own friends really resonated.
At any rate–I think your parents have given you some excellent info. I’m off to sunnier climes for 10 days sans husband. 🙂
Enjoy your vacation!