Blog Posts
Locked Doors
Stupid Locks!
When I got home from work yesterday, the guys who came in to caulk the windows had locked the lock I don’t have a key to! Blah. A guy working here had to get a ladder, climb up on the balcony (which I had unlocked), and open the door for me. It only took 45 minutes to get in… SO IRRITATING. Then, I went over to Lori’s. I didn’t take anything with me (except my phone) and left the door open because I was pretty tired and really just staying for dinner. I fell asleep. I woke up to my alarm clock on my phone… still at Lori’s. I quietly left, locking her door behind me. When I got to my door, IT WAS LOCKED!!! So I went to Lori’s, thinking I would have to wake her up somehow. Fortunately she was already up. She let me in and I located my keys on the computer desk. Now, here is the irritating thing. Jess locked it. Jess came over to use the computer (and she is welcome to enter when she wants and use the computer when she wants), but the keys were sitting right in front of her!!! Why would she lock the door, knowing I didn’t have my keys? Blah. I am sick of being locked out of my house now…
Work:
I am down to 2 employees… EGAD! I really need some new people, and then one of them was acting like she was looking for a new job. She assured me yesterday that she was not quitting (THANK GOD), but was looking to get a full time job somewhere else, making her available only on weekends. That is good AND bad. She is the closest thing I have to a lead. It’s okay; this will make her happier. Blah. It’s rather like a mass exodus at work right now, and we seriously need to start hiring.
Drama:
There seems to be a lot of drama in my life right now. My family has some issues, and I just pray everything goes well. KC gets tubes put in her ears on Thursday (she is only nine months). Jess keeps going into labor and can’t have the baby until after this coming weekend. September 17 is the due date… can we say “not gonna make it!” Mom is working towards her goals of being sober. I am super proud of her. Bradley lost his new job. I feel so bad for him because he is such a hard worker. Blah.
Bills:
Oh yeah, I am supposed to pay those, huh?
Big Brother:
The house is irritating me right now. I think that everyone is trying hard to be diplomatic, seeing as opposing sides were once in a strong alliance. It isn’t working and a lot of people are powder kegs. I think that Will is so great and I hope he gets to stay. Nik, Will, or Marvin are my current favs to win. A twin needs to go next week though!
Amazing Race:
I have really watched so little of this that I wasn’t too invested. However, I need to stop now that my favorite team was eliminated. Blah.
Featured Image Art: photo by Markus Winkler (via Unsplash)
originally posted on Xanga
Sarah
Music:
I am super happy!!! I just discovered that Jude released a new album, but not in stores. Blah. I ordered it from the place he offered it and can’t wait to hear it!!! He is awesome and I hope he gets back to more of a No One Is Really Beautiful feel. Yay Yay Yay!!!
Featured Image Art: cover of Sarah by Jude
originally posted on Xanga
Rewatchable
Boys:
Blah. Where are the boys?
DVDs I can watch over and over:
•Boondock Saints
•Donnie Darko
•Office Space
•Moulin Rouge
•Friends (any season)
•Queer As Folk (any season)
•Will & Grace (any season)
•I’m The One That I Want – Margaret Cho
•Metrosexuality
•Futurama (any volume)
•Zoolander
•Dogma
•Adventures Of Priscilla Queen Of The Desert
These aren’t necessarily my favorite movies, just what I tend to pop in. Now, that’s a list that makes me look gay!
Work:
Our store manager is back from her vacation. Hopefully, she had a great time and will be a joy to work with. She usually is anyway. I think I have decided that I definately want to come into a large sum of money so I will never have to work again. It would be nice to be independantly wealthy, even if I continued to work. Blah. I guess that is the American dream though: to be filthy rich and sit around all day.
Mom:
I am reading Straight Parents, Gay Children to see if my mom would benefit from it, and I really think she would at this point.
Featured Image Art: still from The Boondock Saints (2000)
originally posted on Xanga
Big Brother/Big Brother
Big Brother:
I am having some trouble choosing which group I like now that the horsemen are dead. I am really siding with Will & Karen, but I fear they will soon be targeted unless the join with the twins now. Adria and Natalie are amazing players, but I don’t really want them to win. At this point, I would be happy with Jennifer, Will, or Drew. I know he was driving the house nuts, but I really liked Jase in the end. Not to win, but he made the house interesting.
That was incredibly geeky, I know.
Travis:
It is so nice to have a friend who understands me on the level that Travis does. JD almost understands me as much, but just is the slightest bit less tuned in to me. I really feel like I couldn’t get through life without Mr Travis. He is such a source of support, which has caused a lot of confusion. My parents (Travis, don’t read this part) don’t understand him or why I feel so strongly connected to him. On many occasions they have shared this and every time I am irritated that they would judge him. I don’t know why… why do I need a reason? Maybe it is because I fell in love with him. Maybe it is because he has always been there for me. Maybe it is because he is just a good guy. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Debbie should be so proud of him.
Brent:
I never give people the credit they deserve. I certainly didn’t with Brent. He has most likely known for a while that I am gay. He also would have been fine if I had actually told him. But I didn’t, and wouldn’t. He never treated me any differently, but he still knew. I am so lucky to have such brothers. They are so wonderful. Today is Brent’s birthday so I really need to call him.
Olympics:
Just watched the opening ceremonies, even though I will most likely not see most of the games. It was awesome though and I was very moved by the reception that Iraq and Afghanistan received. The fireworks at the end were also incredible and a reminder that they really spare no expense in this thing.
Featured Image Art: stills from Big Brother Season 5
originally posted on Xanga
Top 10 Contemporary Books
Top 10 Contemporary Books:
1. The Perks Of Being A Wallflower : Stephen Chbosky
2. Dandelion Wine : Ray Bradbury
3. Dream Boy : Jim Grimsley
4. The Foreigner : Meg Castaldo
5. Fraud : David Rakoff
6. Double Trouble : Barthe DeClements & Christopher Greimes (Children’s Book)
7. Me Talk Pretty One Day : David Sedaris
8. Where The Heart Is : Billie Letts
9. Pure Sunshine : Brian James (Teen Book)
10. This Present Darkness : Frank E Peretti
Featured Image Art: covers of Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury
originally posted on Xanga
My Favorite Music in 2004
Music:
Since I love music so much, let me share my top tens with you all… sorry if this is boring. I will have stuff going on in my life soon!
Top Ten Albums (current)
1. Scissor Sisters : Scissor Sisters
2. Keane : Hopes And Fears
3. Lisa Loeb : The Way It Really Is
4. Peplab : Drive
5. Jem : Finally Woken
6. Wheat : per second, per second, per second… every second
7. Madonna : Ray Of Light
8. Robbie Williams : Sing When You’re Winning
9. Jude : No One Is Really Beautiful
10. Reindeer Section : Y’all Get Scared Now, Ya Hear!
Top Ten Songs
1. Take Your Mama : Scissor Sisters
2. Pornstar : Peplab
3. Now I Understand : Lisa Loeb
4. Angels : Robbie Williams
5. 24 : Jem
6. Comfortably Numb : Scissor Sisters
7. Nothing Really Matters : Madonna
8. Slow : Kylie Minogue
9. Laura : Scissor Sisters
10. Amazing : George Michael
Top Ten Artists (all time)
1. Madonna
2. Robbie Williams
3. k.d. Lang
4. Duncan Sheik
5. Jude
6. Scissor Sisters
7. George Michael
8. Dixie Chicks
9. They Might Be Giants
10. Cher
Featured Image Art: album covers
originally posted on Xanga
Typical Yearnings
Money:
I need more. I want so much stuff, but I need more money to get it!
Boys:
I need at least one. For a few reasons — you can figure them out!
Me:
I want to look like one of the boys that I want. I like me and want to look like I feel inside…
Featured Image Art: detail of Gay Men’s Health safe sex poster
originally posted on Xanga
The First Step Is Everyone Confronting You
Mom:
So, we did this intervention thing with my mom. We (my 2 brothers and I) wanted her to be able to discuss it with us — her alcoholism. It went very well. It was the first time we had talked about it with her. It also became the first time we discussed me being gay. It was weird, but nice. Brent knew. I guess I am not that shocked. Anyway, as my perception of my family crumbles into dust, I feel more connected than ever to them. We actually discussed a problem, something we just don’t do.
Lori:
She needs to stop being sick.
Body:
I like me lately, so I am going to work out. I asked Justin and Patrick about joining them at their house. They agreed (since they offered a while ago). YAY! I really need to get with it… my arms and abs need attention.
Food:
I am craving guacamole.
Featured Image Art: photo of AA books
originally posted on Xanga
Dancing
Dancing:
I just got home from the Majestic. It was pretty slow most of the night… that was unfortunate, but it picked up and we had an amazing time. Jess and I danced constantly all night and Justin drank himself silly. He was so plastered. He managed to get way too friendly with this weird guy who wanted to touch his chest. Bizarre. Good day all around. We had dinner at Lonestar, which I love. The steak was perfect! Lori actually went with us (oh, and paid). She is pretty sick so couldn’t go out with us, which sucked. It was good times all around anyway!
Featured Image Art: photo of The Majestic, Tulsa, OK
originally posted on Xanga
Twenty-five
My parents house = daycare
So, I am over at my parents house right now. It is currently nap time. Conner had me lie down with him and started Shrek… he has everything about that video memorized. Including the previews. It was funny to hear him repeat just the word “lightyears” from the E.T. preview. My parents got me a grill for my birthday. It is cool, but weird. Travis and I were just talking about me getting a grill. It is a table grill, which is nice since I will have to store it. I am using tonight to cook the dinner I had picked out and I really can’t wait to use it at the park… I think it will be useful and that is nice. It really was something I wouldn’t buy for myself.
Mom:
My mom has most probably been drinking today. I am not allowing it to ruin my day, but I still haven’t seen her since April. I think I may let her know that I didn’t appreciate it, but I don’t want to upset her. I shouldn’t worry about that though.
Featured Image Art: photo by Bianca Ackermann (via Unsplash)
originally posted on Xanga
A Realization
25:
I am excited about turning 25 tomorrow!!! It will be a pretty easy day and I can forget being broke for another day… I am going to my parents house for the day. The menu for dinner is my favorites. Best of all, Conner and KC will be there all day. That can be a curse too though. I would like to discuss PFLAG with my mom while I am there. Friday, my friends and I are going dancing for my birthday… that will be a lot of fun. I really wish Justin could go, but I understand he has to work.
Robby:
I felt so bad about not being more… there. I really wanted to get to know him more, but I was so mentally drained that I just couldn’t do it. I think it was a poor idea to visit Robby at the end of the trip rather than at the beginning. I think he is a really cool person, but while I was in Austin I made the decision that I wanted someone closer to me. I know that contradicts what I had said before, but I know me. I don’t think I will give enough effort to a long distance thing. I also fear that Robby will think it is about things it is not about. Blah… there is no easy answer.
I had a really great time with all of Robby’s friends. They are a lot of fun and are such a presence! Alohi especially makes a statement… they were exactly the way they should’ve been… real, but with character.
Featured Image Art: altered photo of Brian
originally posted on Xanga
A Mexican Bakery, A Tattoo, & Some Heavy Rains
Vacation:
So exhausting!
Okay, God… Cut it out!:
On my drive down last Wednesday, I got stuck on my way through Dallas because of an incredible storm. It was some of the hardest rain I have seen and driving quickly became impossible. My drive ended up taking 10 hours which is about 3 more than it should have. I was so tired when I arrived at 3:00a.m. But there was no rest for the weary.
Moving the Lathams:
We were up and on our way early. Unfortunately, I was in a lot of pain, which I thought sounded too convenient so I said nothing for a while, hoping it would go away. It didn’t and I ended up trying to do as little as possible. I felt somewhat bad that everyone else was working harder than me, but my shoulder and back just wouldn’t let me do anything. I ended up sleeping for a while, but the day was a bust for me. I did manage to whack my shin, causing immediate swelling. It was so strange…
Day 2: Yes, it was a 2 day thing. Mostly a cleaning day, I really only felt slightly better. We worked, I slept, it took ALL DAY. I was so ready to not do anything… I am certain that I was starting to upset Travis so I tried to say as little as possible. I didn’t mean to be a nuisance. Oh well…
Frankie says…:
Saturday was one of the most wonderful days I have ever had in my life… Maybe it had to do with all the work we had done, but we all slept in did our own thing for a bit, and then spent the day shopping and grilling… not to mention getting drunk. It was so nice. There was even suggestions of streaking around the cul-de-sac. You don’t know us, but we are so not the type… just the mention was pretty wild. That sounds so sad. Hmm… maybe I should’ve just done it! What would it have hurt?
Bargains and Tats:
Sunday I woke up too early so ended up forcing myself to sleep and sleeping later than everyone. They all think I am so lazy… We went to lunch at a Mexican bakery and then went downtown for my tattoo. I stayed to keep my appointment while Travis, Conrad, and JD went to Costco. While there, JD and Conrad decided that they needed to get back, so I was alone for tattooing. It took a long time before I got in and then it took a good hour and a half for the tattoo itself. I am so happy with it and will post a pic if I can get one!
Robby:
I will write about Robby’s and Denton later. I was just so exhausted that I hope he doesn’t think I was being rude… I was really distant. It had been too much by that point.
Me:
I feel cute today.
Birthday:
As my birthday is now less than 2 days away, I completed a CD of my current favorite songs to give as gifts. Here is the track list:
1. Music Gets the Best Of Me (Flip ‘n Fill Remix) — Sophie Ellis Bextor
2. Comfortably Numb (Da Groove Club Mix) — Scissor Sisters
3. Impressive Instant (Intergalactic Solar Mix) — Madonna
4. Pornstar (Olav Basoski Remix) — Peplab
5. More Lemonade (Scissor Sisters Remix) — Bucci Bag
6. California Dreaming 2004 (Remix) — Benny Benassi
7. Senorita (Eddie Arroyo Radio Mix) — Justin Timberlake
8. I Love My Sex — Benny Benassi
9. Shock — In-Grid
10. Boom Boom Ba — Metisse
11. Paradise (Not For Me) (AO’s Live Drum-Dub-Apella G!H edit) — Madonna
12. Take Your Mama — Scissor Sisters
13. Amazing (Nikko’s Amazing Remix) — George Michael
14. Summer Jam (Benny Benassi Remix) — The Underdog Project
15. Sanctuary — Origene
I changed a few for a version to give my mom… not much different though. I think it is interesting that Impressive Instant has been in my top 5 or so for 4 years now!!! Music Gets the Best Of Me has been up there for a while too… about 2 years. The rest are fairly new…
Featured Image Art: photo of my tattoo
originally posted on Xanga
Thank You, Lori!
Home:
I’m home finally. I am totally wiped out, but thank God for Lori. This place looks great. I will have to write more later about the streaking and carrying the washer on my face. (I wasn’t the one streaking). Anyway, its so good to be back.
Featured Image Art: photo of Lori
originally posted on Xanga
BB5, Vacation
Oh Yes, More Vacation:
I am going to try really hard to have a good time in Texas. I will be back Tuesday and my birthday is Thursday… 25!!! I hope to be in much better spirits and get more sleep… God, it’s been awful. I am not looking forward to moving Travis tomorrow, but then I can relax with my friends. They always make me feel better faster than anyone else.
Xanga:
Since Travis is moving, I won’t be able to post while I am gone. I don’t know how I will survive. When I get back I will read everyone’s sites — I haven’t done much of that lately. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I love all of you!
Lori:
I know you will have done too much before you stop yourself. I thank you, silly-butt. Keep your fingers crossed for A & Natalie. I will call if they are voted off… it’ll suck that bad! Holly really must go
Featured Image Art: photo of Natalie & Adria from Big Brother Season 5
originally posted on Xanga
A Small Scale Bunny Massacre
Stupidity:
Why do I keep doing this to myself? I told Robby that I have feelings for him, which was moronic! Now, I am sick because I am fully aware that there is no chance of anything happening. He just thinks of me as a friend. I thought that was enough at one point. I hate feeling like this. Blah. Somewhere there is somebody who will like me… I hope. People tell me that, but it is hard to believe it when I have never met anyone as interested in me as I am in them. I wish Robby wanted me.
Quote:
“You think that I’m strong. You’re wrong…” — Robbie Williams
Life:
It is just pretty crappy sometimes… this being one of those times. Unfortunately, I can’t escape it this time — the problem is me.
One and a Half Dead Bunnies:
It was fitting that this should be what I discovered on my porch today. I have no idea what got into Molly (my cat), but she was on some sort of killing spree today. I hate it sometimes, but it comes with having cats…
Robby:
I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I was so sick about him at Lori’s that I had to go in the other room and cry a number of times. And I just do not have that right. We are friends and I should be happy for him. Easier said, blah blah blah… Seriously, I bring way more drama than necessary to the table. I am a mess sometimes. (sorry about the drama, Robby…) I am not sure how to be less insane… it just feels wrong. And I really hate being this way! Blah. I almost called off my trip to Texas, but I shouldn’t be upset! I am really trying.
Featured Image Art: digital art by Brian Fuchs
originally posted on Xanga