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LaDonna Marie Fuchs

On May 19, 2018, LaDonna Marie Fuchs finished her work here on Earth.  She had done what she needed to do, and in spite of protests by her loved ones, it was time for her to accept her reward and move on to the next life.

LaDonna was born October 18, 1953 in Champaign, Illinois to Billy & Christine Tucker.  She grew up in Stillwater, Oklahoma with her sister Ann and brother Stan.  She graduated from Stillwater High School in 1971 and received her Bachelors degree in Early Childhood Education from Oklahoma State University.  She was a member of the Stillwater Church of Christ.  It was there that she added chosen family members Dale & Mary Combs, whose children David and Mark would be added to LaDonna’s life as brothers.

LaDonna fell in love with Curtis Fuchs in 1977, and the two of them married August 20 of that year.  They had three children:  Brent in 1978, Brian in 1979, and Bradley in 1981.  Each of them can confirm that LaDonna was the best mom anyone could have.  Her incredible love of life, of God, and of children made for a warm and happy home, which they made in Stillwater.

LaDonna’s love of children eventually became too much for just her own, and she and Curtis started Rainbow Preschool at Stillwater Church of Christ in 1982.  It was open until 2007.  There, LaDonna showed her incredible skills at teaching and guiding children.

In 2001, LaDonna started her role as Nana, a position that filled her heart with more joy than she knew she could have.  Conner, KC, Jason, and Avery made her life even more beautiful, and she thanked God everyday for allowing her to be their Nana.  People, especially children, were her ministry.  She even took on the role of second Mom to Justin & Simona, and Nana to Abby because there was no limit to her love.  And her home was open to countless people, whose happiness and comfort was her greatest concern.

She was preceded in death by her parents Billy & Christine Tucker of Stillwater, OK; niece Rechelle Bystedt of Anchorage, AK; as well as close family friends Dale & Mary Combs of Broken Arrow, OK.  She is survived by her husband of 41 years, Curtis Fuchs; sons Brent Fuchs of Edmond, OK, Brian Fuchs of Glencoe, OK & Bradley Fuchs of Stillwater, OK; her grandkids Conner, KC, Jason & Avery: sister Ann Wilkinson (Ron) of Tulsa, OK; brother Stan Tucker (Michael McDermott) of Fort Worth, TX; chosen brother David Combs (Lisa) of Broken Arrow, OK; chosen brother Mark Combs (Krista) of San Antonio, TX; sister-in-law Rita Wilson (Jerry) of Anchorage, AK; nieces Rebecca Stone (Luke) of Flower Mound, TX & Annie Tucker (Adam Ampaipitakwong) of Dallas, TX; Denise Rogers (Matt) of Chugiak, AK; nephews Mark Wilkinson of Georgetown, Kentucky; Matt Wilkinson (Cheryl) of Bixby, OK; & Christian “Opie” Tucker (Laura) of Waco, TX; Les Wilson (Kim) of St. Louis, MO; and other family members Emily Combs (and son Levi) of Broken Arrow, OK; Justin Ward of Glencoe, OK; Abby Dye of Perkins, OK; and dog Chip.  She also leaves behind countless friends who meant the world to her.

Services will be at Stillwater Church of Christ on Sunday, May 27, 2018, 2:00 p.m.  LaDonna will be laid to rest at Sunset Memorial Gardens in Stillwater, OK.

(Obituary written by me.  Pictures are from the handout I created for the funeral.  The missing page has the obituary printed on it.)

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I’ve been thinking about the concept of ‘home’ for a while now.  What is it that give our spaces that feeling that makes us feel good being there.  It isn’t uncommon for an apartment to feel distinctly not homey, particularly ones first apartment after leaving the house where parents and siblings still reside.  It makes tempting the idea that it is the people that make for a feeling of ‘home.’  But it seems equally common for an apartment to feel like the place where that person will spend the rest of their life.  And that happens to folks who live alone.  So, is it the people at all?

I love being with my family.  There was always something about returning for a visit to my childhood home that had a fantastic mix of nostalgia, comfort, and distance.  In 2005, I moved far enough away that visiting required planning and money; my visits to my hometown were reduced to about once every two years.  By my first visit, my parents had sold my childhood home and moved to the country into a brand new manufactured home while they planned out their dream home.  There was no way, I thought, to feel at home in a mobile home sat in the trees just outside of town.

I was wrong.  While it wasn’t the same, the feeling was.  I was in a house that had only even existed for about a year, but it was filled with familiar furniture and my parents.  For me, that ruled out the structure and the location.  What seemed to be at play was the combination of the people, the memories I carried with me, and the stuff in the house.  Had my parents simultaneously discovered their mutual love for Victorian furnishings, throwing out the carefully cultivated collection of things in the house, I think the space would have felt as cold as I expected it to.  These objects brought with them the stories that define us as a family.

“I always want objects in my home that have a connection to me or something I’ve loved.  It’s still stuff, but it’s stuff that has meaning.” Nate Berkus makes a great point, and one I’d like to explore in depth for myself.  When I had one of those cold apartments, just out of high school, it was filled with items I can barely remember, mass produced and cheap things.  The only items I even clearly recall are items that had a story, even if the item wasn’t old.  The dresser my dad painted for me for my new place, the sofa he reupholstered, and that is about it.  It would take me years to collect items of meaning, to be given things once belonging to grandparents and parents, and to have the maturity to honor those things and treat them with the respect they had earned.

Six months ago, I moved into the mobile home where my parents spent years hoping to build their dream home.  They settled into their new house over the summer, leaving vacant a space that had surprised me, on a land that is peaceful and beautiful.  I’m honored to live here in this space that has become a part of the story, where my nephews spent so much of their childhood, where birthdays were celebrated, where holidays with family were enjoyed, and where my parents lived and loved and convalesced.

Many of the stories are lost; it had been incumbent on me to ask the necessary questions and carry on the mythologies and lessons of my family, but I have failed to do so.  But I’d still like to explore what meanings these artifacts have for my life, for the lives of my family members, to recall the world in which they came to us and present them to the world.Continue Reading

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I did this drawing as a birthday present for Bradley, my brother.  I like the result.  I might have to try doing more like this.

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I met new people and got to spend time with some of my favorites on my vacation this year. If I had to list all the people I love in the world, the list would be as thick as a phone book. Here are some highlights based on my trip back home.

Mom: Tied with my dad as my all time favorite people, I miss her a lot. It makes me sad when I have to go home because I can see how much it hurts her. I don’t want to be the one who causes hurt, but I love my life. I hope she knows how much I love her. One day, she’ll visit Alaska and stay with me. That is going to be so much fun.

Dad: When do parents become friends. I don’t remember that transition as a markable event. I’m glad it has happened though. I think it incredibly important to become friends with your parents. My dad is one of my best. I worry about him, I worry about becoming him, and I worry that I’ll never become him enough. It’s weird.

Annie: What a gorgeous and kind lady she has become. I suppose I always knew that she was on that path; it hardly surprised me. I don’t know what I did to deserve such an amazing member of my family.

Opie: Annie’s older brother is also becoming an incredible person. His path has seemed a bit rockier, but he will get there and sooner than we all thought. I was delighted by him. He will achieve such greatness without any effort.

Stan: Good people come from good parents. Opie and Annie really reflect the best qualities of my uncle. There have been issues. There are still issues, but he is trying. He is a good man and I know that he is capable of anything. His generosity was remarkable during my time down. One day we’ll see the darkest parts as a distant memory that doesn’t seem so real. I may never see eye to eye with him on everything, but I will always feel strongly connected to him.

Michael: Oh, Uncle Mikey! Thank you for putting up with Stan! I’m so happy to know you and appreciate everything you do. You’ve brought out the best in Stan and really made me want to find the love you two have. Thank you for being so awesome.

Brent & Bradley: My brothers. God never gives us more than we can handle. I believe that, but if it makes you feel better you can always rephrase it. We are capable of anything. ANYTHING! I am so blessed to have two wonderful people as brothers. There are issues to sort out. Anger to smooth down into peace, but it isn’t impossible. These struggles will only turn good people into great people, shape them into who they’ve always been, but even better. I want so badly for richly fulfilled lives for both Brent and Brad.

Conner, KC, Jason, Avery: These kids are going to be awesome adults. I hate being so far away while they grow up. If I can’t connect with them right now, one day I hope we can be as close as I am with Stan, my uncle.

David & Daniel: It’s sappy. I realize how silly it seems! But it is no less true. I really missed these guys while I was Outside. My words are not enough to express how much I love them.

Christine: It is wrong that I see you as a sort of Vaudeville performer… a sort of Jack of all trades performance artist whose next show will surprise and dazzle the astonished onlookers? If you want to be Winnie the Pooh, then live that dream. So few people seek it out and do it. You’ve got the balls to do what you want with your life and you’ve found your perfect other half to create that life with. Nothing is never going to be boring for you and I envy that.

Jay Brannan: I got to meet one of my favorite musical artists. It was surreal. I remember that evening like I was surrounded by a paralyzing fog. I’ve been trying to sort out if it actually happened or not, but the photos make me think it might really have. I was blown away by his concert, his beauty, and his personality.

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I’m home from my vacation, which would normally require a “finally.” This time is different though. Finally doesn’t fit. It isn’t that I don’t want to be here; I love my home and my life here. It seems natural to be here and nothing about my vacation requires rest to get over. I just felt so much a part of what was going on in my family. The drama of individual lives was going on around us and yet we still seemed held together — a family. Maybe that requires age, maybe it requires distance. Something just felt magical about my visit. Something I cannot quite put into words.

My vacation was timed to coincide with my cousin’s wedding — a favorite cousin, a friend, a remarkable person whose love is one of joy that can make your heart skip a beat. I could not have stood to not be there for her on such a special day. Her husband, I’ve discovered is so perfect for her. The half she had been missing. What Becky wanted for her wedding was a feeling of family. My branch of the family brought our unique gifts. My older brother, a professional photographer, did what he does best. My younger brother took care of the candid shots, the “real life” shots. He perhaps represented us more than anyone else, being able to sit and visit through much of the reception. My parents and I were the reception, my mom specifically coordinating people and my dad coordinating food and decor. I kept with them, fixing the cake after it had been smashed a bit in the car. It was to be all white with flowers on top, but I wreathed the lowest level in fresh red roses and strawberries, making sure to place a rose in each thumb print left by another person trying to push the cake back into position. It turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself. I also worked as my dad’s staff, putting trays of food where he said, moving crockpots to where he said to move them, retrieving what needed to be retrieved. While my dad and I had so much work to do that we didn’t get to see the ceremony, it feels worth it to me. I enjoyed the day greatly. There were a lot of people involved beyond us. I didn’t know many of these people and didn’t really have time to get to know them, but it was evident that family was the most important part of her day. That night, we slept very well.

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“No man needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one.”
–Elbert Hubbard

Vacation. It is going pretty well. I have managed to irritate, aggravate, or annoy more people in less time than my previous visit. It feels like an accomplishment. It shouldn’t. I really didn’t mean to be the source of any problems. I’ve enjoyed seeing everyone. However, being stuck at my parents’ finally got to me. It all started when I arrived on Tuesday.

I left Anchorage after a very long day Monday. I had worked at Borders from 7-3:30 and at Michaels from 5-10. The flight was to leave at 12:30, but of course I was at the airport by 10:45. It was far too early, but I didn’t want to fall asleep until I was on the plane. And we had a full flight, of course. I slept the entire way to Seattle. The layover was too short to sleep there. I slept on the way to Denver. I was fairly awake, but cranky in Denver. I ate nachos, contemplated changing, and generally didn’t want to be there. I feared that I would not be able to sleep on the way from Denver to Tulsa, but luckily, I dozed off well, even though I was sitting between two people.

When I arrived, it was nice to have Brad waiting for me at the airport. We gathered my bags and made a couple stops. I wanted to go by Barnes & Noble and Hot Topic (my barbell in my tongue was stripped). After that, I was really sleepy and slept on the hour trip to Stillwater. It was nice to hang out with Brad. We got in, went to pick up Conner (my nephew), and came back to my parents’ house. It was pretty late and there wasn’t much left to do. So, I slept. And well.

Wednesday & Thursday were both spent stuck at my parents’ house. I liked the people there: Dad, Conner, & Jason, but I was feeling rather trapped. I just wanted to be able to drive away for a little while, but I couldn’t. Mom’s brakes had gone out, so her car was not drivable. I spent most of Friday sleeping. My reunion registration was at 5 and mom arrived in time for me to borrow my grandpa’s car (which she had been driving all week) and get in to register. My brother arrived just as I did, which was an odd coincidence. We talked to Andrea for a bit and then drove around until we needed to be at Mexico Joe’s at 8 for the reunion. First, we stopped at Wal-Mart to get me a shirt.

My class reunion was weird — good weird. I was a bit of a loner in school. I knew everyone and I am sure they all knew me, but I wasn’t exactly friends with them. I have always felt connected to these people though. I know that I will be the one who attends the reunions everytime and grows to be more fond of these people as the years go by. And why didn’t I take the time to get to know them back then? Of course, the same ones who annoyed me in high school annoyed me at the reunion. And everyone had kids… or so it seemed. Overall, it was a good experience. I talked to only a few people, but really felt like I was part of a group… one I couldn’t get kicked out of, even if they didn’t really care for me. That was oddly comforting. What made the whole thing even better is having family there. Since Brent & I were in the same class — and therefore graduated together — he and Laurisa were there for me to hang out with. They’ve always been the types that have a lot more casual friends, whereas I always had a few very close friends. Speaking of, Travis was there. Unfortunately, a family emergency kept him from attending the family fun day on Saturday.

The family fun day was interesting. I initially didn’t want to go, but Brent insisted. It was fun to see all the kids. And it was fun to spend time with my neices, KC & Avery. They are a lot of fun to be around. What I will always remember is that I was poorly dressed, due to the mud at my parents’ house. Ick.

Sadly, we’ve already lost 4 classmates and 2 teachers. I don’t know the details of all of the deaths, but it really made me stop and think. 4 out of 402 is really quite a lot. I only really knew 1 of the students and 1 of the teachers.

Thank you David & Heather for letting me complain to you.

Updates: updated brian’s body: an exploration; updated a few links; removed a few images from Threadless Shirts page.
Activities: hung out with Mom & Dad; drove to Brent & Laurisa’s with Annie
Food: potato wedges & ketchup, split pea soup, toast with olive oil spread, potato salad, tortilla chips, Krispy Kreme mini crullers, 3+ Diet Cokes, 3 bottles of white and/or green tea. (it sounds like a lot, but I had just a little of all of this stuff)Continue Reading