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DVD:
I finished season 1 of Ellen (technically These Friends Of Mine). I had forgotten how dramatically the look changed throughout the 13 episodes in that season. Hair, clothes, characters, sets… I don’t think that Anita was given a chance to really shine. Maggie Wheeler is hilarious, but her character had very few opportunities to show it. Holly improves as the season goes by, but should have gotten the axe sooner. I really like Adam though. I am glad he lasts a little longer. It is weird that the only character that makes it through the entire series is Ellen herself. Can’t wait for season 2 in February!!!

Money:
I went to consumer credit counseling. They were not able to help. Apparently, you have to overextend yourself with more places to qualify for help there. I understand it, but I really don’t know what I can do about it. I need $6,000 yesterday and seemingly no way to get it. Blah.

Job #2:
I have not heard back from anyone, but still have some applications to take back. I really want to clear up my life so I can be financially content again.Continue Reading

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Weather:
It is so nice out in the evenings lately. I love fall because getting colder is so much more satisfying to me than getting warmer. I can’t wait for winter.

Money:
I am still stressed over the whole issue (and mainly because nothing has changed). I have done well at not spending any money though. Even the Ellen DVD I got today was an exchange from something I purchased in July. I want the money issue to go away, but I know that it won’t just because I ignore it. That may just make it worse. Blah.

Stress:
Stress seems to be going around lately. It was out in full force today, with the exception of Lori. Her moods never seem to follow the normal pattern. Funny girl. There is just so much to do at work that I need to stop and think out a logical sequence or I will never get it all done correctly. It is driving me nuts… nuts, I tell ya. Really, things are fantastic… considering.Continue Reading

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🎃 Halloween:
I decorated my house for halloween, so I thought I would decorate my blog too. Yay Halloween!!!

Movies:
Lori & I watched Vulgar and Nightmare Before Christmas tonight. Vulgar was disturbing. I think next time I watch, I will skip over the parts that were awful. I thought it was good. Nightmare Before Christmas was excellent as usual. It was the first time Lori had seen it, but I think she liked it. I enjoy it.

I decided I wanted a movie night each week, so those were the selections this week. Next week, probably One Hour Photo & Eight Legged Freaks. I think for our sanity we need to watch something light after something so heavy. We’ll be on Halloween movies all month! Sleepy Hollow, Strangers On A Train, Mary Reilly, Monkeybone, Gods & Monsters, and maybe a little Harry Potter! I invited Jess to join us, but I didn’t realize I was going to start it today.Continue Reading

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The Ends Refuse To Meet!
I think it is official, boys and girls. Brian is going to need a second job. I have really tried to make it without over the past year, putting things off, taking out loans, paying what I could. But in the end, it just seems that I really need more money. Mind you, I don’t like thinking about money as much as this, but I really have no choice.

After refiguring my budget, I discovered that my bills are higher than my current salary, which sucks. I will collect applications this weekend from retail stores near my store and hopefully can make it work somehow. I hate it, but what can you do. I think it will be okay, but I really want to hold on to everything. I have resisted for so long, but now I must grow up.

I would also love to have a roommate again, but that will not happen. My trusty “need-a-place-to-live” friends both have boyfriends now and are living with them. I am happy for them, but I didn’t do a good job of becoming independant before that happened. Blah.

I know there is not way of getting rich quick, but I welcome any ideas on making extra cash in addition to the second job. I don’t want to lose my house over my own stupidity, nor do I want to leave my current job. However, if an opportunity arises and I need to choose between my home and a job I like, I will be forced to leave the company I love. I wish there was an easy answer. Update (Sunday, Sept 26): I applied at Walgreens. I picked up applications for Petco, Ross, Deals, & Joann. Michaels was chaotic and out of apps. I might try Dollar General, Dollar Tree, Old Navy, Petsmart, Kohl’s, Wal-Mart, or a mall store tomorrow. If anyone has information on any of these places, let me know. Thanks.

Friends:
I e-mailed Cindy, Jerry’s sister, yesterday. It was nice to hear from her after so long. She is such a fun person. I hope to get in touch with Jerry again soon. I haven’t heard from him since January and we weren’t in a good place then. I hate all of that and want to just talk again. He really is important to me.

Jessica and I updated her site last night. It was fun and it turned out pretty well. I don’t like writing in CSS as well as I liked HTML, but I think the result makes it worth it to do so. Her page looks nice now. Plus, changes should be pretty easy for her to make.

Justin and I need to discuss the fact that he never calls unless he needs me to check the mail for him. I know he is busy, but c’mon.Continue Reading

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Friends:
I got this amazing card from a friend early early early this morning when I finally got home from work (2:30 a.m.). Essentially, the card stated that I have things together in my life while that isn’t true of everyone. I think I see the perspective intended, but I don’t totally agree. I think that different things are important to different people. For me, money is not important. Yes, I do need it to pay the bills, but I don’t let it run my life. That isn’t to say I have any. Owning a home was also a priority of mine. Having purchased a home and not worrying about money when I don’t have to, my life seems to be fine. Again, just because I don’t complain about money doesn’t mean I have any. And although I can take care of my two cats without thought, I can’t keep a plant alive to save my life.

Other things have more value to friends than they do to me. As money is a concern, sometimes going back to school is a priority. Or getting a promotion. It isn’t that my life is any more in order. It is just different. I still am a mess. I can’t keep my house clean, bills paid on time, and I have never had a boyfriend. Those things get me down from time to time. But I can look to this friend or that one and find them executing those things with ease and it gives me hope that I can someday do the same.

I really loved the letter because it is good to hear what others think of you when you feel like a royal fuck-up most of the time. I hope all the people in my life realize how much I care about them. At the risk of being sappy and a little silly, I think I should tell some of the people in my life what I admire about them.

Justin: You have overcome so much and are such an interesting person. I really love how close you are to your sister, at times willing to drop everything to help her out with the kids. I am so happy that you have found someone, even if it reminds me that I haven’t. It gives me hope that I can someday. I admire your job and the hard work involved.

Travis: Thank you for being my friend for so long and through so many personal traumas. It has really helped. I wish I had your drive in school. Maybe then I would have done something more than retail. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, but teaching may be a bit more rewarding. It drives me up the wall most of the time, but I actually admire the way you budget and save your money. I really just appreciate you on so many levels.

Lori: Girl, you really are my “Grace.” I love how you are determined to move up in the world. I admire the honesty you have with yourself concerning money, health, and love. I love that you lower standards for nobody and you are steadfast in your beliefs and morals. You are such a dedicated worker that I feel like I am doing so little by comparison. I love that you are so full of empathy and that you will sit and listen when I need that.

Jessica: …don’t be upset for this… I am so profoundly amazed at how courageous you are in spite of a complete lack of parental involvement in your adult life. It is wonderful that you are sure enough of yourself to go on, complaining only mildly. I love your sense of humor and sense of fun. You are such a neat person to be around.

JD: You really have it together. Really. You have my taste, Travis’ budgeting ability, and a child on top of it. You might be the happiest person I have ever met and my life has been so full because of you. I admire your absolute devotion to Kendra, your humor, your compassion. You are the person I wish I could be with sometimes.

Jerry: who will never read this… I really miss you. I don’t know where you are, since your boyfriend won’t let you talk to me, but I do miss you. You were my first gay friend and got me through coming out to my parents. I really admire that you never take shit from anyone.

Everyone else: There are things about everyone I love. That is why you are my friends. That includes xanga friends, John, Jim, Robby, & the rest. It includes work friends, Christine, Meghan, Jill, Brandy, Ray, & the rest. Love to all!!!

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Apathy:
I think it is taking me more to be apathetic and lazy than it would to actually do something. I don’t like that. I would love to just clean and work out and write and pay bills. All those things I just don’t get around to because I am too busy wasting as much time doing literally nothing. I guess the first step is admitting there is a problem.

I also feel bad because I know I owe Justin some money, but haven’t gotten around to giving it to him even though I have it. Oh well.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not in a bad mood or anything like that. I am actually feeling good that I have made a mental effort at least. I think that so much had been going on that I just wished I could be a kid and not deal with this whole life thing. It is fine though…

Things I Love:
(for those who thought I was down because of the hate list…)
•I love popcorn
•I love Madonna
•I love feeling infinite
•I love privacy
•I love watching movies
•I love eating cinnamon candy until my tongue burns.
•I love my iMac
•I love having brothers
•I love planning projects I will never finish.
•I love just being with Travis and not having to talk.
•I love Sonic
•I love looking at myself in the mirror when I am cute.
•I love smoking cloves
•I love Sanrio
•I love imagining having a boyfriend
•I love reading
•I love eating squash
•I love dandelions
•I love remembering walking home from school with Carla (and sometimes Bonnie).
•I love candlelight
•I love letting JD & Lori talk.
•I love Christmas (secretly)
•I love buying clothes
•I love my kibbies (cats) Molly & Franz
•I love ginger (cookies, mints, toothpaste, ale/beer)
•I love remembering first grade, the year I was in a wheelchair from Legg Perthes and having to learn to walk again.
•I love the smell of laundry
•I love being fairly simple
•I love IKEA
•I love Earl Grey tea
•I love Roseanne (TV)
•I love when it is really really cold and I can pull a blanket over myself and watch Little Women.
•I love Shout Color Catchers
•I love the trip I took to France
•I love music

Updates to Love:
•I love it when Jess makes cookies for me (and it’s not about the cookies…)
•I love Justin’s made up words
•I love how Jerry understands me so much and we can talk for hours (I miss him so much it hurts)
•I love work
•I love Xanga friends (I am not just saying that either!), specifically, but not limited to venusunfolding, goofynuttyboy, confess_or_explode, imanalien, TheBlahBook, tonys_2k2, upandoutward, jrat, Ice_Falcon

Obviously, I knew I had left people in my life out. I sorry. The original list was totally off the top of my head.Continue Reading

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He was born at 10:00 p.m. Tuesday night (Sept 14), full name Jason William Doyle Fuchs. A lot of names, I know. I went over yesterday to see him and he is very cute. He has a full head of hair and the longest toes ever. It was nice until the room filled with too many people. I then went to my parents house to see them and Conner (my nephew, Jason’s brother), who also has a long name: Conner Curtis Christopher “Jose” Fuchs. He was a lot of fun. I read Danny and the Dinosaur to him and we played with stickers, which he is really obsessed with right now. He will be 3 in December. He loves Jason (at least for now) and was telling strangers at the hospital all about his new brother. It was a great evening.

Here is a picture of Squirt (Conner) with “Duck” and “Bear” who he cannot go anywhere without.

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