Stress?  Lack of Sleep?  Not Enough Dogs?

Why, oh why is my VO2 Max score going down?  I honestly don’t get it.  I do have a bit of injury to my knee, and injury can lower the number.  But so can “overtraining.”  3 miles a day is a lot for me recently, but I have trouble believing that it is excessive.  Do I need to cool it?  Do I need to alternate days or do I need to let my knee get better before doing more walks?  These are all good questions and I have no answers.  I need to know a trainer!

I finally got a chance to pay the guy who mowed the other day, and he offered to let me walk his dog for the additional upper body exercise.  He’s not wrong actually, but I don’t really want to burden myself with a dog on my walks.  I know he’s been really busy and doesn’t want to have to stop and do that, but I also feel busy and don’t want to do that.  

Photo of the Day (metal chicken sculpture at Stone Lion Inn Bed & Breakfast)

I’ve been mush today.  Just absolutely worn out.  I don’t know if there is a reason for it.  My average sleep time is a little low recently.  Maybe I’ll try to force myself to stay in bed.  I tend to just get up for the day if I wake up after 4:00am.  By that point, I’ve usually gotten a full night’s sleep, but I have been getting to sleep a bit later.  I just need a day to completely sleep in and not stress over broken things in my house.

I also haven’t been getting in the reading I want to get in.  I keep stopping and starting.  Stress?  Lack of sleep?  Something is going on.  I just need to chill out and figure out what my problem might be.

[Walk #346, 1.18 miles]

  • Location of Walk: Banner Park, Guthrie, OK
  • Object Collected: trumpet vine seedpods

Playlist

1. Traces, Tom Aspaul
2. Cos Slay, LVCRFT & Christopher Young
3. Wood, Taylor Swift
4. Nu-di-ty, Kylie Minogue
5. Here For It All, Mariah Carey
6. peekaboo, Kendrick Lamar (feat. AzChike)
7. All Over Your Face, Cazwell
8. Love Myself, Able Heart

I Am Not Waiting for the Train!

So, I feel a little bit guilty for so strongly encouraging Justin to walk so far.  Only a little bit though.  It is good for him, even if he doesn’t like doing it.  I need to be nicer about it though and signal him when we are at half a mile, so he can decide if he wants to head back home.  We went up to the train tracks; I intended to go across and under the bridge next to the creamery, but a train not only came through, but stopped.  It would have taken a long time.  We started to hear the train moving again around the time we got back to the house.  I can’t be waiting half an hour for a train.

I started taking glycine yesterday on some recommendations I had seen.  I’m going to do it for a month and see if I notice any results.  I’m pretty skeptical of supplements, so I don’t think I’m likely to attribute just anything to adding glycine.  I also got some more B12 as mine has been missing for a few months.  I misplaced so many things during the move!

Hopefully I can get the rest of my walk in, but I’m going to take it easy until then.  I really want this knee to stop hurting.  I will say it does feel better today, but not ideal.  Even with the naproxen I took, there is a twinge of pain.  

[Walk #345, 2.18 miles]

  • Location of Walk: home to train station & back, Guthrie, OK
  • Object Collected: black walnut

Hot Water & Cat Warriors

It’s so nice to shower in warm water after a few days of not having access.  The hot water tank is in.  Now what will break next!?  I don’t actually mind a cold shower, but a hot one is so amazing after a few cold ones.

I finished my walk.  My knee is feeling better.  I’ll keep wearing a brace.  I don’t need a full on injury.  All in all, I feel accomplished in spite of my lack of accomplishments.  I guess I did get in my exercise for the day, and that’s not nothing.

Last night, as I returned from downtown Banner Park was host to a group of cats.  I didn’t think anything of it, but this morning there was a copy of a Warriors book sitting on one of the park benches.  Since it was still there this afternoon, I brought it home as my collected object.

I think I’ve decided to put the collected objects in the hollow part of the elm tree.  Whatever happens to them, happens.  Maybe I’ll document them like the important specimens they are first.  I’m not sure.  

[Walk #344, 1.53 miles]

  • Location of Walk: Banner Park, Guthrie, OK
  • Object Collected: paperback copy of Warriors #5: A Dangerous Path by Erin Hunter

Playlist

1. Foggy Graveyard, Lofi Munk Music (feat. Lofi Temple)
2. Pumpkin, Randy Newman
3. Bélmez faces, Lofi Munk Music (feat. Gelch)
4. Mean to Me, Eliza Carthy & Ben Seal
5. Maybe I Can Change, Rosé
6. Words, F.R. David
7. Cinnamon, Derik Fein
8. Stupid, Brendan Maclean
9. Thessaloniki (Remix), Tom Aspaul
10. Padam Padam, Kylie Minogue
11. 70s Angels (Jack Ward’s So Reluctant Mix), Tom Aspaul & Jack Ward

Any Personal Trainers Walking By?

What is wrong with me!?

I was expecting the plumber this morning, so I sort of hung out here at the house instead of going for a walk first thing.  Recently, there has been a guy staying in a house at the next intersection, cleaning up the yard.  I’ve been intrigued by him, but I don’t know what is drawing me to him.  There’s nothing I need to know, but I find myself avoiding staring at him as I walk by.  I feel like I’m being a little creepy, but I don’t think I mean to be.

This morning I was enjoying my coffee and social media outside when that man walked by with his dog, and on seeing my overgrown lawn offered to mow it for $10.  That’s far too little, but I agreed.  He returned after taking his dog home and did an excellent job; I really appreciated it.  He strikes me as a decent person who is going through some stuff.  I doubt we would agree on much about life, but he’s clearly just trying to get through it honestly (maybe only just now), and I liked his whole attitude.  

Whatever draw he’s had might have subsided.  He rarely wears a shirt, and I’ve been afraid he’ll think I’m being lecherous.  I’m really not; I don’ think so anyway.  

Photo of the Day (katydid in my yard)

After he mowed, I went for half of my daily walk.  No plumber yet!  I am not that bothered by the wait; I have other things to do.  And I wanted to split my walk up anyway because of the pain in my knee.  It’s a little better after sleeping with he brace on, but I just need to remember to use it during my walk as well.  

Now, if a man could walk by and offer personal training help…and then if a man could walk by who is interested in me…

[Walk #343, 1.54 miles]

  • Location of Walk: Banner Park, Guthrie, OK
  • Object Collected: elm twigs

Playlist

1. Spirits Unknown, Lofi Munk Music (feat. RT3 Beats)
2. Until Then (The Goodnight Song), Eliza Carthy & Ben Seal
3. Fancy, Able Heart
4. Sit And Wonder, Dave Mason & Cass Elliot
5. Ships Passing, Eliza Carthy & Ben Seal
6. Worth It, Able Heart
7. Muscle, Years & Years
8. Our Savage Friends, Eliza Carthy & Ben Seal
9. From the Start, Goldenfang Records
10. City People, Matt McKnzi
11. Worth It, Able Heart
12. Happy, Able Heart
13. Don’t Hold Back, Able Heart

Refreshed, Reset, Ready to Go

I’m feeling good today, is spite of the unexpected expenses.  Life happens and there’s not a lot that can be done about it!  The plumber came a day early & they are bringing a new hot water tank tomorrow morning.  There’s a relief to that, especially since I have a home warranty for the first year.  This little hiccup was expensive, and left me with no flooring in two rooms, but that’s okay.  There are bigger problems in the world.  

My knee continues to hurt a little.  I should be wearing a brace until it feels normal again, but I have no clue where mine is.  I hate to just buy another one, but I think that’s where we are!  

Probably because my knee was hurting, but I found it disappointing that to downtown and back is about a quarter mile short of three miles.  That means I have to add tangents to make up for it, so I probably need to do that going.  After the second mile, all I want to do is get home.  I think when I get to the point where I can do two miles to downtown and then stop for shopping or coffee or whatever before returning, things will feel less daunting on the walk back.  Or maybe when the knee is not hurting.  Otherwise, my breathing is good.  My pace could be better, but I feel good on the walk.  It’s a nicer walk  overall than rural Glencoe was.  I do have things I love about those rural walks, but I think this one is just slightly better.  There’s greater opportunity for variation certainly.  One thing I might try is just going until I reach 1.5 miles and see where that is.  That would at least give me a walk I could do that would guarantee I meet my 3 mile goal.

Photo of the Day (Fievel Goes West playing in downtown Guthrie, OK on 30 September 2025)

[Walk #342, 3.13 miles]

  • Location of Walk: home to downtown, Guthrie, OK
  • Object Collected: cypress cones

Playlist

1. Mean to Me, Eliza Cathy & Ben Seal
2. Night of the Creeps, Lofi Munk Music (feat. Slaapzac)
3. Barbaras Rhubarberbar, Bobo Wartke & Marti Fischer
4. Her, Megan Thee Stallion
5. I Just Wanna F-, David Guetta (feat. Timbaland & Dev)
6. Georgy Porgy, Toto
7. Purple Rain, Prince & The Revolution
8. Where U Iz / Feels (mixed by Fatboy Slim), Jinadu, Just Aaron, Wh0, & Fatboy Slim
9. Too Good, Able Heart
10. Daddy, Cazwell (feat. MASCFISH, John “J-C” Carr, Bill Coleman & 808 Beach)
11. Bélmez faces, Lofi Munk Music (feat. Gelch)
12. How Do You Sleep?, Sam Smith
13. Can’t Get You Out of My Head, Kylie Minogue
14. Our Savage Friends, Eliza Carthy & Ben Seal
15. Heart Sing, Sophie Ellis-Bextor
16. Carnival of Souls, Lofi Munk Music (feat. Ray D.O.)
17. Sit And Wonder, Save Mason & Cass Elliot
18. Teeth, Lady Gaga
19. Stupid, Brendan Maclean
20. City People, Matt McKnzi
21. These Dreams, Bright Light Bright Light (feat. The Illustrious Blacks)
22. Stay On Me, Sophie Ellis-Bextor
23. Spirits Unknown, Lofi Munk Music (feat. RT3 Beats)

Fievel Goes West

Life happens.  It’s useless to stay upset about it.  The hot water tank needs to be replaced; I’ve got a call in with my home warranty, so it’s going to be in their hands.  Meanwhile, the flooding, as little as it was, got under the flooring and since I don’t really know what the nature of my subfloor is, I felt like I had no choice but to pay for mitigation.  The wall between the laundry room and hallway got the worst of it, and it’ll dry in time.  They removed the baseboards and have fans on it.  They ripped up the flooring on either side because there was no way for the vinyl floor to dry out, and nobody knew what was underneath.  Concrete!  It would probably have been okay, drying really slowly.  But it likely would have dried.  I feel like I wasted $1700, but I am also happy that I won’t end up with any mold issues.  There is some value in peace of mind.  I’m going to have to live without flooring in those two spaces until I figure out what kind to go with.  I really do want rolled vinyl, but the water tank needs to drain properly!  

My walk was interrupted earlier, so I went downtown this evening to finish my miles.  There was a big screen where Fievel Goes West was playing, which I thought was fun.  I like how alive downtown feels here.  There are too many vacancies, but it seems like it is holding on.  I hope that continues.  

Cold showers for now.  That is a problem with Justin’s eye issue.  He really needs to stay on top of cleanliness.  Big fans (loud!) are on until Sunday.  Plumber comes Thursday for the hot water tank.  Hopefully they can get a new one quickly.  While I’m annoyed that it went out, it is fortunate that it went out within the year that I have this warranty.  

[Walk #341, 2.54 miles]

  • Location of Walk: home to downtown, Guthrie, OK
  • Object Collected: magnolia leaf

Playlist

1. Havin or Not, LaRussell & Lil Jon
2. What’s The T?, Cazwell (feat. Cherie Lily & Alyssa Edwards)
3. Feels, Wh0, Just Aaron & Jinadu
4. I’m That Bitch, The Cast of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 12
5. They Can’t Get Next to You, Ric Wilson
6. Comin In Hot, Adam Lambert
7. Welcome To My Office, Make a Move
8. Judas, Lady Gaga
9. When the Devil Calls My Name, LVCRFT
10. Mourir au club, Bagarre
11. Praise You / Don’t Stop Me Now (mixed by Fatboy Slim), Queen & Fatboy Slim
12. Who Can It Be Now? Men At Work
13. 17, MK
14. I Kissed A Girl, Katy Perry
15. Loverboy, Adam Lambert
16. Sanctify, Years & Years
17. So What, P!nk
18. Jump, Van Halen

Moist Hallways

What a stupid day already!

My knee was still hurting a little when I got up, so I thought I should try splitting my walk into 2 shorter walks.  So, I waited a while & just sort of watched TV and dozed off for a bit.  At 9:45, I started to get ready for a 2 mile walk when I noticed an issue with the floor in the hallway.  It sounded like it was coming up, but as I investigated it started to sound like sloshing.  I could see a little moisture on the baseboard on the wall adjacent to the water tank.  I went it an checked there.  The pan is full of water and it is overflowing slowly.  Because I had things stacked down there, I don’t know for how long.  There doesn’t seem to be a ton of water soaked into anything, but it could also be draining more under the house.  Hopefully the plumber can figure out what is going on.  I put a service request in with my insurance, but they cannot come until Thursday, so I called someone else who is on the way right now.  If it is a big issue, I’ll keep it through my home warranty.  I am not happy with the contracted plumber though; they had terrible customer service, so I’m actually hoping this is an issue that isn’t too much different cost-wise.  I’d happily pay a couple hundred this week just to keep from dealing with those people again.  But if the quote is a lot higher, then I’ll have to just wait for them to come out.  This is the third time I’ve had a person out to deal with this water tank.  

I was just about half a mile into my walk when the plumber called to say he was on the way, so I only got in a single mile so far.  It was a nice day for that; the neighborhood was surprisingly busy for a Tuesday morning.  I didn’t even do my usual walk in the park, I meandered through the neighborhood.  My goal was 5th Street, which goes under the highway into downtown, but I’ll get to doing that walk next time maybe.  Now, I get to just wait around and hope there aren’t big things wrong.  And I wish I knew how to shut that water off!  

[Walk #340, 1.19 miles]

  • Location of Walk: neighborhood around my house, Guthrie, OK
  • Object Collected: USB cable (broken)

Playlist

1. You, Regard, Troye Sivan & Tate McRae
2. Born for This, Kali J & LiTTiE
3. Cold Sweat, Hot Boys, Bright Light Bright Light
4. The Valley of The Pagans, Gorillaz (feat. Beck)
5. Cha Cha Cha, Käärijä
6. Well Hello, Kali J
7. Missing You, John Waite
8. The Night Driver (Chasing Big City Night, The Goondock Saints
9. Come Into My World, Kylie Minogue

Quiet & Sometimes Sketchy

I’m going to be tired this afternoon!  I fell asleep early yesterday, so I woke up very early today.  Since I was up, I went ahead and got my walk in, leaving just before 5am.  It’s actually a great time to walk, and most of the path is well lit and easy to walk.  Downtown is a great place to get in steps that early; it’s so quiet, but not completely empty.

I crossed the highway going, thinking I would cross over and come back on the other side of the street.  That did end up being true, but I crossed under the bridge.  That actually ended up being a mistake; there a big area of mud just under the bridge, but it’s in the dark, so I couldn’t see it and it wasn’t clear how easy it would be to cross it.  Just got my shoes gross, but wasn’t too bad.  I wouldn’t want to do that again!  I think there’s a gravel drive next to that part of the road that is dry, but I need to see it in the sunlight to work out where to go.  It might not be a great idea to walk under the dark bridge and then alongside the abandoned jail with the busted out window.  I’m sure people sometimes hang out in there and if anywhere is unsafe in Guthrie, I’d guess that was it.  Stay in the light!

I enjoyed window shopping, and think it’ll be really nice to see Guthrie during Christmas.  This isn’t the ideal year for that sort of thing, but hopefully it’ll be nice.  The entire downtown was decorated for fall, so I think they do keep in the spirit.

I intended to only to two miles, but once I had done the one I felt like I could do a little more, but aimlessly getting a mile downtown is a challenge.  I need to have a path, a goal, something mapped out the achieve what I want without stopping too much to figure out what to do next.  

[Walk #339, 3.27 miles]

  • Location of Walk: home to downtown, Guthrie, OK
  • Object Collected: pecans & magnolia seedpod

Playlist

1. The Sex That I Need, Cazwell (feat. Avenue D)
2. Padam Padam, Kylie Minogue
3. Nothing Really Matters, Madonna
4. Impressive Instant, Madonna
5. Beguiled, The Smashing Pumpkins
6. Kitty Girl, RuPaul (feat. Trixie Mattel, Shangela, Bebe Zahara Benet, & Kennedy Davenport)
7. Oh Sherrie, Steve Perry
8. Auditions, The Cast of RuPaul’s Drag Race
9. Raw (Tony Romera Remix) / ID2 / Stayin’ Alive (Remix), Julia Navas, David Amy, Gustavo Bravetti, ID & BeeGees)
10. Starlite, Christophe Willem
11. The Bitch Is Back, Elton John
12. Don’t Cha, The Pussycat Dolls & Busta Rhymes
13. Flashdance…What a Feeling, Irene Cara
14. Bad Girls, Donna Summer
15. Eat Sleep Rave Repeat / Discoteka / Renegade Master / Apache (mixed by Fatboy Slim), Luca Debonaire, Block & Crown, Fatboy Slim, Riva Starr (feat. Beardyman), Incredible Bongo Band & Wildchild
16. Fairyboy, Simon Curtis
17. Atlas, Matt McKnzi
18. Mighty Wings, Gloryhammer
19. Too Much Music, Jake Shears
20. The Parade (mixed by Fatboy Slim), Joel Corry & Da Hool
21. Shady Love, Scissor Sisters

Children in the Park, Confetti in the Grass

Working my way back up.  My knee is a little sore still, but not unmanageably.  I got in a little over 2 miles.  If I had waited until it was a little cooler, I might have gotten in more.  The park was pretty full of kids from one of the churches across the street.  Relatively full, I should say.  It would take a lot more to qualify as full!

I worked on a template for a daily post in DayOne, but when I played around with it, I hated having The Wandering Hermit & BookNotes in it.  I do like moving my daily checklist into a post with space for any blogging I want to do, or any notes I want to make for the day.  I think doing this will encourage more journaling, while almost eliminating the “Notebook” journal in DayOne.  I’ll still use it for playing around with things, but my lists and plans can all live in the regular journal.  I think it’ll be better that way.  Until I decide it isn’t!

[Walk #338, 2.20 miles]

  • Location of Walk: Banner Park, Guthrie, OK
  • Object Collected: redbud seedpods

Playlist

1. Excuse-moi, Zazie
2. Too Funky, Bright Light Bright Light & 808 BEACH
3. Fuchs (du hast die Gans gestohlen), HBz & iiven (feat. Bekkaa)
4. Holy Guacamole, The Cast of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars
5. Worth It, Able Heart
6. Meltdown, Jake Shears
7. Little L, Jamiroquai
8. So What, P!nk
9. When I Think of You, Janet Jackson
10. Pose, Kali J, Omg & LiTTiE
11. Right Here, Right Now (Camelphat Remix), Fatboy Slim & Roland Clark
12. The Valley of The Pagans, Gorillaz (feat. Beck)
13. I Just Wana F, David Guetta (feat. Timbaland & Dev)
14. Pussy On Fire, The Cast of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars
15. Gaslight, Derik Fein
16. Nothing I Would Change, Janice Robinson
17. Emojis, Adam Casanova (feat. Abby Parra)
18. Exercise the Demons, LVCRFT (feat. Olivia Demon Spawn & Bruce Campbell)

Justin’s Eye

Today is on Justin’s walking schedule, so I waited for him to get up and go to the park.  When he got up, his eye was swollen nearly shut.  He went to urgent care and they prescribed antibiotics, but also told him to take allergy medication and use ointment until it all clears up.  I assumed he was off the hook for exercise; there’s no need to push it if you have an infection, but after he got back I announced I was going for a walk and he came with me.  He got in a little over a quarter of a mile, but considering one of his eyes is puffed up and he can’t see out of it, I would say that’s actually impressive.  It tells me he is willing to put in some work.  Things change!

The day was a little too warm.  I said I was shooting for 2 miles, but after about 1.5, I started heading back.  It was too hot, the park was filling with kids, and I was starting to need to use the restroom.  I felt great, and I still do, but I decided to just go home and be done with it!  If I feel up to it this evening, I might go out for more.   We’ll see.  I really want to be doing 3 miles a day starting on the 1st, so I really should keep it up.  Twice a day feels very manageable.  There and back, four times around the park, plus just a little extra is 1.5 miles.  That sounds easy.  11 times around plus a little extra sounds daunting.

Photo of the Day (sticks found at 11th & Washington, Guthrie, OK)

On the 24th, I picked up a magnolia seed pod and carried it home.  It sort of triggered me to start picking up things and bringing them home on my walks.  I don’t know if that is permanent, but it is fun.  Today I found confetti.  I might actually try to pick more of that up; we don’t need that much plastic in the soil, but it is hard to get a hold of.  Even if it is larger pieces.  I had decided to grab the strap in my walking photo during my walk yesterday, but forgot it.  It still counts!

I’ve been thinking about the way I organize my journaling.  The Wandering Hermit was on a separate site, so it has always been a separate entity, as are my book notes.  I think I’d like to create a new journaling template for 2026, something that has spaces for all the different things as well as my sort of daily to do list.  I can clip from it, but it would consolidate my days into a single post in DayOne, which I think I might quite like.  It also might make my website cleaner if I’m posting once a day (except for reviews and whatnot).  I’ll work on that.

[Walk #337, 1.63 miles]

The George Oppen Memorial BBQ
A Poem
Eric Tyler Benick
2019, Poetry


26 September 2025, 7:39 am

My least favorite of my traits is how often I second guess myself.  I don’t allow my instincts to be correct.  It’s always a mistake and one that I suppose I will never allow myself to internalize.  I want to do better; I want to create in the ways that I create naturally, freely, thoughtlessly.

This poem is a reminder to freely open and let the words flow on their own.

I fell in love with the Eric Tyler Benick in the interview that follows the poem.  He writes the way I write.  He is inspired in the ways I am inspired.  He makes me want to be.  I wasn’t familiar with all of his references, but the joy I found in the work has encouraged me to look up George Oppen and add him to my reading list.  I’m very excited about it.

There is always space / in a poem for love / when it is exact.

I really appreciate when a book makes me want to be a better writer. This poem is gold, but even better part of this book is his answers to the interview questions at the back. The author makes me want to try harder, to be more confident in my own words, to continue to peel back and expose the content of my mind.


Started Reading: 26 SEP 2025
Finished Reading: 26 SEP 2025

The George Oppen Memorial BBQ
A Poem
Eric Tyler Benick
2019, Poetry
Operating System
17 February 2019
English
ISBN #978-1-9460631-62-4

I couldn’t get him to respond, so I don’t even know if he had a nice day.  I hope so.  He needs more nice days in his life.  He was going to Cattleman’s for dinner.  That was his plan.  After going back and forth for a long time, I actually decided to go with him.  I am also trying to get out of my own way, but since I never could reach him I still don’t know what’s going on.  

Brent came to hang out between photo shoots during the day.  It’s a stark contrast.  Brent is easy to be around.  There isn’t some deeper meaning to it; he brought some dinner with him, ate it, and then took a nap in the library for an hour before leaving.  It’s how I expect family to be.  Both him and Brad are welcome in my house in that exact way, as if they are supposed to be there.  And it is how I expect to be in there houses.  But sometimes Brad makes it awkward with guilt trips and weird tours of things he is doing.  And it all just reminds me of how Dad used his children as substitutes for friends.  Have friends as friends.  Family should be able to relax around you.

I’m just frustrated because Brad is genuinely fun to be around, but it’s hard to get to that point when everything is so dramatic.  I wish he could just calm down, then maybe it would make sense to stop by and hang out for an afternoon.  Regardless, I hope he had a pleasant day.  Happy 44th to him!

A Chase

I’m a little sore.  My knee was slightly swollen when I woke up, so I need to make sure to not overdo things for a few days and see if that resolves itself.  I didn’t do that much of a walk yesterday, but I was active and on my feet most of the day and the two days before that I did a full three mile walk, so I’m probably just dealing with the consequences of the long break I took from my walks.  

It feels warmer today than the thermometer indicates.  That could just be me; I did wake up in the middle of the night feeling little too hot, but it was only 71º in the house.  

When I got to the park, the only other person there was a woman walking the same path as I walk.  Her pace is much better than mine, especially today, so I kept finding ways to stay out of her way so she never had to cross paths with me.  I think it’s better for others, but it also prevents people from sneaking up on me from behind.  I did get in 20 step ups as a result.  Those feel so good and get my heart really going.  I know I need to add dumbbells; I’m dreading carrying them to the park with me for my walks!  But I will.  There are a lot of things I need to get over.

It’s Brad’s birthday.  He is going for his usual birthday dinner at Cattleman’s.  He’s invited me, and I’m on the fence about it.  On the one hand, I actually do like hanging out with him and that is a good opportunity.  On the other hand, Friday evening at Cattleman’s can mean long wait times for the opportunity to sit and not have anything to eat.  Not that I mind not eating (they don’t serve anything I can have), but it can be annoying for that to be after waiting two hours to be seated.  I’m thinking about it.

Brent’s going to be over this afternoon, and after he leaves for his evening photoshoot, I think I’ll go for a second walk to try to get in my three miles.  Maybe doing it all at once is part of my problem.  Maybe it’s the total.  Maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with my walking.

[Walk #336, 2.18 miles]

 

Playlist

1. Give Life Back to Music, Daft Punk
2. Totem, Zazie
3. Cold Sweat, Hot Boys, Bright Light Bright Light
4. Magic, Kylie Minogue
5. Ding, Jewels Sparkles
6. Play, Jax Jones & Years & Years
7. Come into My World, Kylie Minogue
8. Gaslight, Derik Fein
9. Easy Lover, Miley Cyrus
10. Around the World, Daft Punk
11. Cinnamon, Derik Fein
12. From the Start, Goldenfang Records
13. Any Which Way, Scissor Sisters

A Flag To Remember
Stacy Jackson
2019, Poetry


I want to be clear about my intentions with the way I am making the notes on poetry books.  I am not reviewing the books in a classical sense.  My intention is to write my thoughts about the work as I read it.  This is just my ideas and things i might alter or change, and maybe some critique of the work.  It is not intended to overly criticize the author or their work.  I wouldn’t spend time reading an entire book if I didn’t appreciate the work.  That said, I’m giving the books a score based on my own gut reaction to the work.  It’s just my opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt.


23 September 2025, 7:42am

“A Flag To Remember”

I think it can be difficult to write poetry for a cause, even when that cause is important to the writer.  I have struggled with it in my own work, and have increasingly avoided topical or cause-oriented poetry.  In this case, because of the nature of the collection, or what I believe to be its nature, we need something to act as the gates we walk through into the author’s world.  I like this as the opening poem.  It’s a declaration, but I hope it’s also an indication of what to expect.  I think the poem could be tightened up just a bit, and there are some grammatical issues.  I’ve read a lot of self-published poetry, and these are pretty common across those poet’s work.  I think it’s a minor (and easily solved) issue.  I probably won’t mention it throughout, unless there is something egregious.  Good start.

“The Undecided”

Hmm…This is a brief poem, presumably about those whose gender is only defined as a part of cultural norms, but which would otherwise remain nebulous.  Maybe it is nebulous to those individuals still, even though there is pressure to put oneself into the boxes built by our societies.  My only critique of the writing would be that not every poem needs a rhyme.  I suspect now that there will be a heavy emphasis on rhyme, but that’s a talent few possess.  I certainly don’t.  I think if the author wants to be fully honest, she might try not forcing the poetry to rhyme.

“Penchant For Hoodies”

Storytelling.  I could see this whole situation, but it was told is only seven lines.  “Smuggled with goosebumps” is a great line.  It tells me a lot about the speaker.

Title suggestion: “Hoodies”

“An Ordinary Poem”

This little poem is so close to breaking free and becoming something.  I am usually okay with referencing a classic or clichéd poem, but I think maybe this could have started with just the classic lines and then the poem could start to become unraveled until we get to “We know people change / We know people change to.”  Those two lines in particular feel like the start of something else, like a cycle of repetitions interspersed with examples from the author’s life where people didn’t change.  That would start to sound like a chant of hope in a world that doesn’t deserve hope.  Promising, but ultimately flat.

“When you’re rejected by your mother and your father, you’re always looking for someone to replace that love.”

“The Butterfly who is Always Fearless”

I don’t have a lot to say about this.  There are some confusing lines, but it is either a poem to the author herself or to a sibling, so I fear that crucial context is missing and having work like this double checked by someone is good.  They can tell you where there might be some confusion.  I think it does a good job of making me want to know more about who this person is.  I wanted to explore some of those details.

Title suggestion: “Fearless Like A Butterfly”


24 September 2025, 8:51am

“Glitter took over my lips as the pain escaped my soul.”

“Minimalist”

This is how the world should be.  In a perfect society, people would be free to their expression and there would be no cultural expectations on one’s gender.  And in that world, no one’s gender would even be questioned.  While nobody should feel obliged to announce their gender, in a more ideal world one’s gender wouldn’t even be announceable.  I have the benefit of living in a world where my own gender and sex are aligned and unquestioned, so maybe I have a lot to learn.

Title suggestion: “Less Is More, More Is Less”

“My biggest mistake was waiting for you to be ready, to meet me.”

“Breadcrumbing Revenge”

I’m not being dismissive, but this is some personal baggage.  I’m not sure if I quite grasp the final line: “You pity the men who taste the cold.”

Title suggestion: “The Junk Yard”

“Coterie Children”

I want the author to rewrite this about five more times.  The issue is that there is such good stuff in here, but I had so many hurdles to get to it.  The grammar and punctuation are jarringly erroneous.  I don’t think things need to be perfect to get across a point of view, or even that following traditional rules of English are necessary, but these errors in this one feel like mistakes.  I also think this could go further, more narrative, more internal dialogue from the speaker.  The picture that was painted was so familiar to my own school experience, and I like when a writer can put me in their own shoes.

Title suggestion: “Friends”

“Sorry, My Heart Is Home”

“The Hood Of This Woman”

This reads as a celebration of the embracing of one’s identity as a woman.  I can only assume that the author intended that, and I think it’s a lovely piece.  However, I almost wish this was written to God or the Universe or whoever the author thinks is responsible for all of this, like a celebration of the existence of women in general.  In the context of the collection, I think celebrating the concept of women would read as stronger, as other poems connect the author with the concept.  There are a lot of things in here to like.

Title suggestion: “The Making of a Woman”

“No Parent”

This is emotionally difficult for the writer.  “Passing connecting” is a difficult to read pair of words.  Normally, I would say that should be reworked, but it did make me think that writing parents who refuse to see you might make for an opportunity to go even further, to add more language that the brain and tongue struggle to get through.

“A Lover of Words”

Oh, oh…this!  This is my favorite so far, by a huge margin.  I adore this piece, maybe because it reminds me of how I write sex.  It’s so expressive.  I love it so much that I wish the title matched how strong it is.  Maybe it has some esoteric relationship with the lines, but I don’t know.  I am notorious for changing titles over and over because I never settle on them; I’m not one to criticize a title.  I personally would pad this out about 20% more, but it’s fantastic!  I really appreciate this following the poem about the terrible parents.  That feels effective, even if it isn’t intentional.

Title suggestion: “His Biography”

“The Only Pearl”

I want the author to rewrite this about five more times.  The issue is that there is such good stuff in here, but I had so many hurdles to get to it.  The grammar and punctuation are jarringly erroneous.  I don’t think things need to be perfect to get across a point of view, or even that following traditional rules of English are necessary, but these errors in this one feel like mistakes.  I also think this could go further, more narrative, more internal dialogue from the speaker.  The picture that was painted was so familiar to my own school experience, and I like when a writer can put me in their own shoes.

Title suggestion: “Consumed”

“The Infancy Stage”

I’m initially confused by the title, but the poem itself is important.  “I don’t see color” is the racist cry of people who don’t understand how racist they are.  Some of them think of themselves as allies, but their allyship is rooted in a White savior complex, the empathetic & compassionate arm of White Supremacy.  It becomes obvious when those people start saying things like “I don’t care if someone is Black or White or Purple or Polka-dotted….”  They have to include versions of people that they wouldn’t see as the same, outlandish.  It’s a form of dehumanization, but so deeply ingrained that they don’t always understand their own biases.  I love reading about the beauty of melanated skin, the way it glows, and the ownership of it.  I would like to read more about this, so maybe I can unpack it fully, but I have found it odd that part of American Black culture is to identify with kings & queens.  It’s not something I understand.  Not everything has to be for me!  But I’m interested in learning more.  I certainly accept those titles in queer culture, so I’m probably being ignorant about that.

Title suggestion: “Seeing Color”

“She is Queen”

I’m not sure what is going on.  She did this, he did this, you did this.  I’m disoriented because I am not sure who any of the people are throughout.  I feel bad saying that; I can tell this is a deeply personal piece, but I just don’t quite get it.

Title suggestion: “The Queen”


25 September 2025, 9:55am

“The Tea, Is Time”

“They don’t drink tea, / but they boil the water.”  There are moments when Stacy Jackson surprises me.  I think those two lines are so good.  This poem is brief and it is fine overall.  I think it would be more effective if she had shown, rather than told.  There’s an opportunity to make the tension and heat rise throughout them piece, starting playfully as it does.  Give me some metaphors, some allusions, some deeper references.  

Title suggestion: “Boiling Water for Tea”

“Not To Be Uttered”

There are poems throughout, and I’ve probably noted this before, where the poems are so personal, but also so lacking in detail, that the reader couldn’t possibly glean meaning from them.  I remember when I was first writing all the time in college, many of the poems I wanted to write had to do with my own family.  But I would put them on paper, only to find that some things require a lot of backstory to be clear.  Even worse, I would find that as much as I loved these people (in my case), writing their stories was often boring.  Their lives weren’t boring; I was not yet skilled enough as a writer to tell those stories.  The poems in this book that deal with the people who I assume are the poet’s family, aren’t poorly conceived.  I can see where she is coming from in wanting to tell her story there, but I think they aren’t fleshed out enough.  To really delve in to those stories, rewriting and rewriting and rewriting might be required.  

Title suggestion: “Hide a Little”

“MUM”

I like the flow of this one, and the author is doing a better job of telling me who her family is.  I think it would benefit from repetition, maybe starting each line in the first and third stanza’s with “You remember when…”  That would make the second stanza stand out more, but also give a little more of a rhythm to the poem.  

“Existing Alone”

Simple, effective.  As I keep saying, it reminds me of the poems I was writing around 1998, when I was young and didn’t have much to look back on in my life.  I have a poem that is so similar to this one, the sort of coming of age declaration piece.  

“Sounds About White”

So good.  “can you repeat the question again?…  I was distracted with the community knowledge.”  I love that so much.  This poem is nicely crafted.  I would want the name of the film, unless it is meant to be that the writer couldn’t remember the title, in which case I would like that to be clearer.  Excellent stuff in here.

“Nipsey’s Hussle”

Sometimes we need to write down a little talk with ourselves.  In the overall context of this collection, I think that works well, and she does it throughout.  I liked the little asides.  They don’t seem to be narratively sequenced.  It might have been nice if the author wrote a timeline to adhere to for both the family stories and for the poems to herself.  Not one timeline for both, but two separate time lines going on to hop back and forth between, and then to have the sort of trans-affirming pieces mixed in.  

Title suggestion: “And Then Open Your Eyes Again”

“Island It’s Free”

One of my favorite books of all time is Ntozake Shange’s Sassafrass, the poetic novella she wrote that would eventually be adapted into a full novel.  Shange writes the entire poem in the way the characters would speak, inserting their dialects by way of altering the spellings of words.  It’s so beautiful, and this poem is doing a lot of the same thing.  She has that same ability to convey how a person sounds through the spelling choices.  I’d love to see more of it!

Title suggestion: “Di Way Him Looks At Yuh”

“Proper, Is Its Truest Form”

Love. The picture is so clear to me.  I’m not sure the title fits the poem, but otherwise it is great.

Title suggestion: “Proper”

“Love begs for forgiveness”  

Title suggestion: “Thy Kingdom Come”

“Never been kissed, Again”

I’m thinking that Stacy Jackson needed a second book, one about herself and her own life.  I think she sees her own experiences as wholly related to her trans identity, and is some ways her story is very important to include in the story of trans people in America today.  It’s not an uncommon story, but her individual story has taken over, which then takes away a little from the subtitle of the book Trans Experience Poetry, Intersex Identity & Inspirational Quotes.  In her defense, the author didn’t promise broad trans experience.  But it did feel like that was implied.  Maybe having the book appear to be more personal would help ground it in a story about herself and being trans, rather than how it is currently packaged as a collection of poems about the broader trans community.  I don’t know; I don’t want to be too critical of the choices, but I do think there were two books here, A Flag To Remember, an anthology of trans poetry.  It’s a lot of work, but getting other authors involved and having the author be the editor would have been interesting, and separately a poem of personal situations that further the poet’s own story.  

Title suggestion: “One Pinch Away From Too Much Sugar”

“Open Letter”

I like this.  I’m not sure, but if it were me (and it’s not!), I would try out reworking the lines as prose.  Not rewriting, just reformatting.  I don’t know which would work better, and maybe the author did play around with it and arrived at this being in its current format.

Even though I think this is a strong poem, I think a lot of these things are things we’ve heard before.  The unconvinced don’t hear them anymore, not only because they don’t want to, but because it’s always the same list of things, and I wonder if the author could include some things we haven’t thought about.  I can’t say what those things are, but small details.  Small inconveniences about being trans in a world not oriented toward that.  I might like to have a mix of small and big issues.

I am very much hoping that there is a follow up with a list of reasons the author would choose to be trans.  Maybe she’s not there yet; society certainly isn’t, but I hope she does feel that sometimes.  It’d be nice to see it in this book, but based on how things have been written, I doubt it.  She seems very much stuck in the negativity of it all, and it’s no wonder she is.  This was in 2019, and the world was only just becoming increasingly hostile to the trans community.  In 2025, I couldn’t imagine looking for silver linings.  I just hope for a world where that can be the case.

“When people bring up the past, tell them Jesus dropped the charges.”

“The Baby’s Day Out”

“Time, when there’s No Clocks”

“You wonder how your family looks now” is such a sad line.  I like how she painted a picture of a small moment when her thoughts, her sadness, was interrupted by an absurdity.  It read like that moment, and I appreciate that the author doesn’t go back to the thoughts.  You wouldn’t, would you?  That little interaction with the other shopper hitting you with a cart would snap you back into the present and you wouldn’t just return as you had been.

Title suggestion: “Clocked!”

“The Check Is Blank”

This has a lot of potential that isn’t quite realized.  I want more, deeper…not too much, but just a little bit further.

“Cupid Shoots To Kill”

Fantastic!  I really love the way this is written and the storytelling.

“Kitty Litter”

Put away the thesaurus.  It’s not always helpful, and this is the first time I’m being asked by the poet to work for understanding.  Some poets like to do that to the reader, like TS Eliot.  But Stay Jackson doesn’t write that way, so it seems like a lot to include two esoteric words here.  I have done it too, but I try to use them for effect, and I’m not sure there was an attempt at an effect here.  

I’m also unclear as to who this woman in the poem is.  Why do were care about her, or do we?  I think there are some nuggets in here of interesting phrasing, but I’m not sure I get what is going on.

“Made Up People”

This feels like something I would have placed as the first piece in the book.  I like what is being said, and I also appreciate the sadness of “Am I real mother?” going unanswered. 

“Secret White Emails”

This is such a specific experience, and I love this poem for that.  Stay Jackson keeps touching on these trans-specific issues in a really good way.  I just wish that these poems were separate from what feels like her life story in ways that aren’t exclusively about being trans.  It’s complicated.  I like this one though. 

“Forgot, He left”

“Gripping Onto It Firmly”

Beautiful phrasing.  I’ve written pieces like this and I love them written by others.  It’s the internal that seems like so much more than the situation.  It’s heartbreaking, and could be more heartbreaking.  Lean in.  But ultimately, very nice. 

Title suggestion: “No Man”

“Your Grandmother’s Folklore”

I absolutely adore this.  I like the realness in the dialogue.  I’ve been confused or critical of the titles throughout this book, and this one seems like it makes sense, but ultimately I think it needs updated.  I might have titled it “Fairies” or “The Rainbow” or something like that…maybe even just “Folklore.”  Because the grandmother isn’t part of the scene, I’d leave her out of the title. But it’s a fantastic moment.

Title suggestion: “The Rainbow Fairy”

“DNA, Is What He Calls It”

It’s hard to embarrass me with a poem, but this is a little steamy.  Because the poet is going for structure, I want more attention to that structure.   

Title suggestion: “Sting Me”

“Pit Bulls”

Great storytelling; needs a slight amount of editing.   

“Your Brother’s Wedding”

It’s just hit after hit at this point!  I really love this, even thought it is devastating. “You may have not the body you want but you have the brain that you need.”    I’d rework that line slightly, but it’s a great part of this moment.

“The Neighbor’s Husband”

This poem is brutal in its honesty, and I hope not to the poet’s detriment.  It’s real life, it’s gritty, it’s both beautiful and ugly at the same time.   


26 September 2025, 6:25am

My copy of A Flag to Remember with variant cover

Final Thoughts

A Flag to Remember was not the book I thought I wanted, but it was an honest and open collection of the author’s life stories.  Stacy Jackson is young; her poems definitely read as a writer who lacks some of the experience that will come with age.  That isn’t a comment on her capacity to grow and flower into an amazing poet.  There are so many bits throughout where I can see that spark, the flashes of brilliance that if nourished will take her to great heights.  I wasn’t able to find anything about her.  She doesn’t seem to have a social media presence.  This book is nearly 6 years old now, and I’d like to find out if she is still writing and how her writing have evolved.

My primary issue with the book is that while I love what Stacy Jackson wanted to do, the concept falls apart pretty quickly.  It’s more a personal narrative that isn’t often about her trans-ness, and that’s still an interesting story.  I was just missing what the subtitle suggested: Trans Experience Poetry, Intersex Identity & Inspirational Quotes.  

On the quotes, these are not quotes.  One cannot quote oneself.  These are micro poems or thoughts.  If it were me, I would restructure them all into micros and lose a few that are a little clichéd.  There are a lot of inspirational quotes by queer & trans folks that would work in the book.  Use those as well.

I think there’s more to this story.  I think the author would benefit from critique, proofreading, editing, all that.  That’s something I know I didn’t know I needed when I was first starting to write.  My college creative writing classes were probably the most valuable classes I ever took.  The opened me up to criticism, and allowed me to remove myself from my work once I was done, to allow others to read it from their perspectives, and to give me honest feedback about that.  It’s so important to know if your message is being conveyed, otherwise what is the poem for? 


Started Reading: 23 SEP 2025
Finished Reading: 25 SEP 2025

A Flag To Remember
Stacy Jackson
2019, Poetry
Self Published
18 November 2019
English
ISBN #978-1078744881

Deer, Turkey, Toads

This was a surprisingly good and productive day.  Brent & I went to Glencoe to do a final cleanup of trash & get the propane tank listed and picked up.  The only thing left to do out there is the owner of the mobile home to come out and get it, but everything we were going to do is done (unless the mobile home pickup results in a mess, which we may need to hire someone to cleanup).  Everything takes so long.  On the way to the recycling center, there were deer and turkeys in the Johnson’s yard across the creek.  Both are common, but not usually at the same time.

Brent is fun to hang out when he’s not focused on trying to get out of the task.  He has relaxed since buying his house and moving.  When we couldn’t get find a place to take a refrigerator, we took it to Brad’s and to my surprise Brent went in and visited with Brad, AJ, & Kenzie.  They are remodeling at Brad’s and he is not talking about moving any longer.  I don’t agree, but it’s not my house and not my life.  It was actually a pretty good visit in spite of the smell of smoke.  Brad says he quit again.  I’m glad to hear it.  I would love if he started taking care of himself more!!

Photo of the Day (Stillwater Recycling Center)

It was a long day, and I didn’t get home until 8, so I only did a 25 minute walk.  I got in a lot of movement throughout the day, so I still feel pretty good about it.  The park was full of toads and there were teenagers hanging out on the playground.  That made me feel good actually; I worry about young people not spending enough time just still being kids.  I got in my steps, avoiding stepping on toads, and got back home.  I’m so tired now, but I have a washer & dryer now and I put a load of laundry in for the first time and so I almost feel like this is where my time in Guthrie starts.  I don’t have anything to pull me away to do other tasks.  

[Walk #335, 1.15 miles]