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Sleep:
Once again, my sleep is a little screwy. I would blame it on my being sick, but that is almost over and really has little to do with it in my estimation. I think it is entirely caused by my own foolishness. When one is tired, one should go to sleep. This one, however, doesn’t always do that. It is okay, but I just don’t want my sleep pattern to interfere with work… and somehow it always does. I really need to stop complaining about this. If nothing is changing I will just have to accept it.

Shopping:
My parents came over for some shopping today. I really enjoyed it, even if it did seem to be a little pointless. They picked up very little. I do have some ideas of what to get them though. We all went to Cracker Barrel after, as it is somewhere they can’t go in Stillwater. Then a quick trip to Nam-Hai, Hancock, and they returned home. I miss that. They used to come over all the time. Now I just feel like I am the son who hasn’t brought them the joy of grandchildren… which just makes me feel like a failure in life. I really wish that things were different sometimes and that I had the opportunity to have children of my own. I love my neice and nephews, but that isn’t the same. They also had KC with them, my neice. She is fun and very good natured. God, I want a family… and yes, I want a husband.

When they left, I went to Target to find a gift for my secret Santa person at work. I had picked up one thing because it was a good deal, but then I found the exact perfect thing I was looking for. I got that instead. I really think it will be a hit! I also got a small something for Lori, some gift bags, a gift for a girl at work I didn’t really want to buy for (but it was perfect), and some additional cards. I showed amazing restraint and put back the three items that I would never have used (2 clearance bags & an empty tin). I enjoyed the day, but it was exhausting. I stopped by Lori’s, watched last half of CSI, all of Without A Trace, and fell asleep sometime during the 10 o’clock news.

Work:
Work has been insanity lately. Such is the nature, yadda yadda yadda… I do of course work in retail. This weekend look like it will be a blast!!! We have a great crew Friday and Saturday, and then the manager party is on Sunday! Good times. It’ll be nice to be around these people and be having a good time — with the exception of Lori, with whom I often enjoy myself.

I just about killed Nick the other day, and now I understand someone called out yesterday… they are all on my list at this point. ALL OF THEM. I guess I need to start getting mean before someone notices. I love them to death, but they are walking all over me and they don’t really care right now. Maybe that isn’t true of everyone, but I get the feeling that several of them feel that way. Woe.Continue Reading

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Random Thoughts To People I Know:

•I do usually know, Lori. Maybe I can put in a camera!
•Break a leg, Meg. Or at least have a good time.
•Jessica Cassesa! Where have you been?!? We need to shop!
•It was strange and nice to catch up, Robby.
•Travis? Do I know someone named Travis?
•Jess, things are not looking good. See me for details.
•I miss you, Christine.
•Meghan… the hair… wtf?
•Good luck with the living situation, Nick & Sarah.
•Justin, I am very sleepy and I want to watch TV.
•I don’t really want to mess with Christmas, Brent & Laurisa.
•When will I see you again, Ren?
•I love that you work at my store now, Shauna.
•I might be secretely stalking you, Meghan. One can never be sure.
•Christine! You must want your DVD back. I’m a horrible person!!!
•Lori, I want to make some stuff… really.
•Jill, I went to get that movie for you, but it was way expensive!!!
•Jerr…?
•Oh, Shauna, sorry I didn’t say Good Morning the other day. It hurt to.
•Can’t wait to work with you on Tuesday, Meghan!
•Justin, I am mad at you!!! No reason.
•Brad, are you ever actually online?
•You make me smile, John (venusunfolding).
•Can I borrow that one movie, Jilly???
•Brandy, I will let you borrow the kd lang CD. You didn’t get it just for being a lesbian like you wanted.
•JD. Just JD.
•I can’t wait to see you again, Troy. It has been too long.
•I love you, Jobeth.
•Travis who?Continue Reading

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Yay!

I have been having the most wonderfully fantastic day today. No reason at all. I just love life today and this all makes me believe that I am becoming my parents, bipolar disorder and all. A customer gave me a verbal award for being the nicest music seller anywhere in town, John (our receiving manager) got me a small gift just to be nice, and Meghan worked with me. She was also in an obnoxiously good mood today. I was just so grand to be alive, even though I was hacking and sneezing all day!!! I am super excited about getting some stuff done tomorrow and then I can relax. I might even turn my heat on! I was waiting until December and it will be December tomorrow.

Being sick doesn’t suck so much today… I will soon be going to Lori’s for some Amazing Race fun. Calm, quiet fun…

Meghan:

Meghan is one of the most wonderful people I know. She is just too much. Avert your eyes anyone who knows me or anyone who knows Meghan… It is just a shame she isn’t a gay boi (*wink wink*) or that she is an employee…(because I am not technically supposed to hang out with her)… I really think she is fantastic!Continue Reading

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Blah!

I have been a little under the weather lately. Sniffles n’ such, ya know. It kinda sucks, but what can you do. I have had a lot of sleep, which is nice. And medicine head is more fun than it should be.

It beginning to look a lot like…

Justin and I just did some Christmas shopping today. I went ahead and got a small tree. It was 40% off at Hobby Lobby! I also got some stuff to make a wreath and some wind-up lederhosen for my dad. They are cute. Justin got stockings and stocking holders, all of which were 50% off. It is a nice group, but they need two more stockings for the dogs, which he is going to have Patrick get. Some cleaning tonight and tomorrow and then Wednesday I will decorate!!!

Being sick sucks.Continue Reading

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Thankful:

First, I would like to say that I am thankful for so many things. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Mine was excellent. I sometimes don’t allow myself to enjoy my family, but I really do. It is nice to feel that relaxed around people. I am thankful for my cousins, who are becoming such wonderful people. I am thankful for my brothers and their families. I am thankful for my uncle, even when he really annoying. I am thankful for my grandpa (Papa) who was too quiet this year. I wish him speedy recovery on his back. I am especially thankful for having the greatest parents ever. They are both as much friends as parents. I enjoy them so much. Their house can be too hectic for me though, with the children always under foot.

The day was so great. We watched Will & Grace, visited, and played with the kids all day at my parents’ house. Gradually, everyone made their way down to my grandpa’s house. We started with 15 and by the time I left for my grandpa’s, only my dad was left. We had the best and most moist turkey I have ever had!!! It just fell apart as the knife touched it, so no need to slice it at all. I sat at the kids’ table, where I have sat my entire life. Really, we all are. That table is, and has always been Opie, Annie, myself, and some combination of others including Becky, Brad, Brent, etc. The actual kids are still too young to sit off by themselves. It was just an excellent day.

So, Where Has Brian Been???

Nowhere. I have just not been on the computer that much. I guess life is just boring lately. Not that I have been bored. I do have opinions on that. I want a boyfriend. I want to feel loved. I am scared of looking… scared to death of trying… of putting myself out there. I miss my gay friends. This is really where gay friends come in handy. I am lonely and I don’t like it at all. Blah. I am basically content with my life otherwise. I do need to get on here and just blog already!!! I sometimes forget that my friends check this to see what is going on… Travis.

Work:

Speaking of work, Shauna is working at my store as of earlier this week!!! It is so nice to see her face at work. I so miss living with her and James. I wish things never changed and you could just stay close to everyone.

This is the weekend of weekends at work. I am looking forward to the craziness. I am a little worried that our manager will be exhausting and frantic, but overall it should be fun.Continue Reading

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Life Has Been Boring!!!
I haven’t really done much lately, with the exception of sleeping! Justin has been coming over more often, which has been nice. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to spend any time alone. It hasn’t been that bad though. But I have had a lot going on. Nothing exciting, but a lot. I would love to hear from Travis, but I haven’t in quite some time.

How Does My Garden Grow?
It doesn’t. At all. I miss that about having a house. Mowing is the part I don’t miss, but I can only get them together. Oh well. I would love to grow some veggies. I don’t really care about flower gardening, but growing food would be pretty cool.

Christmas:
Even though I don’t care much for Christmas this year, I have decided to go ahead and decorate. I don’t know what, but something fun and exciting! I want it to be uber-kitschy, but I am not sure what I want. Any ideas would be appreciated.Continue Reading

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Christian Indeed!

I have mentioned it many times, but I just want to say it again. What is wrong with people??? I live in “the buckle of the Bible Belt” and see a huge amount of hypocracy daily. Since everyone here in Tulsa claims to be a Christian, I am often ashamed to say that I am and have resorted to not saying it at all. It pains me to claim similar beliefs with people who seem so judgemental and hateful. I know that I am doing the same thing, judging them, but I still have a hard time with those who cannot walk the walk. Christian seems to be a term used by many as a substitute for conservative and/or close-minded. But I think those people need to look at the word and realize that it simply means someone who follows the teachings of Christ. The teachings of Christ do not include judgement or exclusion of others. They do not include hate for anyone. They are about one’s personal commitment of that person’s actions. Nobody should have anything to say about the way I live my life except for me and God. This means that you random so-called Christian do not get to decide that being gay is wrong or right. Unless of course you are 100% without sin. It is at that time that I will start accepting your advice on living my life and my walk in my faith.

Religion, Faith, Or Spirituality…?

I am not religious at all. I think to be so is silly (no offense to those who are). Being locked into dogma and ritual does not suit my finicky life and is therefore not welcome into it. Although I share the beliefs of other Christians, I do not claim to be one for reasons stated above as well as the following: stating ones religion automatically brings with it certain stereotypes. I don’t want to be held to certain beliefs that I don’t necessarily agree with.

Faith and Spirituality are a different matter all together. I am strong in both and I don’t often discuss them. I just am so rarely on the same wavelength that I cannot bear to defend myself all the time.

Have I Changed So Much?

I spent the evening with Serenity, James, Shauna, Bryce, etc. It was a lot of fun! We started at the bowling alley, where I bowled 131. Out of the 11 of us, I was 4th. I never bowl, so it was really great fun. Rennie and I got beers, making the evening even better. I also never drink. After, we went back to James & Shauna’s house. Shauna fed me, we visited, and then played Scene It. It is okay, but made me realize how out of touch I am with movies. I knew almost none of the answers. Blah.

Thing is that I felt a little out of touch with them. I haven’t spent time with them for about 2 years, and it had been a while at that point. I really didn’t think that I had changed since then, but the fact that I related very little made me realize that I had. Why is it that I am always changing into someone new, leaving my friends behind, no longer having the same things in common?

I guess it doesn’t matter. We seemed to be able to find enough things to talk about to keep ourselves amused. I even got along alright with Bryce, which had never happened when I lived with them. He is Shauna’s brother and was a source of tension at that time. It was nice to just get along with him. It was also very nice to see Serenity (Rennie), who has become my blog buddy. I actually just read through her blog occasionally, but it is fun to know she is always there.Continue Reading