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Writing:
Whew, pathetic.org is finally up again, and what a relief that I can finally start to write. It was always a good way to get me writing. I should start here soon. I have so much in my head to get out, what with the attacks, the new baby on the way, my great grandma is now 100! Lots…

Friends:
I talked to my friend Jerry tonight. It had been a couple of months. I feel bad that I don’t call, but he is a difficult person to remain friends with because he doesn’t really try. His friends don’t stick by him long… that makes me quite sad for Jerry. He will find real love some day.Continue Reading

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Money:
I have got to learn how to stop spending — and I thought putting all my money into the bank would help!!!! NO! I can’t figure out how I spend all of my money when my expenses are so low. How? Anyone have good advice for getting out from under paycheck-to-paycheck living?

Family:
I am starting to get excited about my brother’s new baby… I can’t wait. They are expecting a Thanksgiving baby… That would be a cool holiday treat.Continue Reading

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Sleep:
I fully intended to watch Friends last night, but as I have been unable to sleep at all for a couple of days my body decided to sleep instead… dang it!!! I wanted to see it so bad. I don’t know why I have sleep problems, but I imagine it was stress.

Life:
I have been giving thought to moving back to Stillwater, but I really do like it here in Tulsa. I can’t stand the thought of leaving my friends or job, but I am so sick for the life I used to have that I somehow think going back home would help. Maybe I will, but probably not.

Work:
My review wasn’t yesterday, which means it IS today — egad. I am not that worried about it. My manager is a nice guy. We get along well, so it will be fine. I just hate meeting like that though…

Update:
My review wasn’t today, as planned. My manager said he’ll come in tomorrow (his day off) to do it… Whew… avoided it for another day!! Meanwhile, it has turned cold — I love it!!!! My uncle came to visit me at work. He is so great. It’s been a wonderful day!!Continue Reading

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Frustration:

My life has been filled with so much stress lately… I just need a break for it. I woke up this morning ten minutes after I was supposed to be at work, which set the mood for the entire day. I love my job normally, but it just seems that they expect me to not only do my job — and do it well — but also the job of three other people. Not that I mind a little push once in a while from management, as I am a person who requires an occasional shove in the right direction, particularly while out of medication, but they don’t seem to take into account that we are currently running on 2 supervisors instead of our suggested 8. They must figure that we’ve done it for so long we should be used to it, but I think it is catching up with me. I feel as though I cannot take vacation or sick days — when I should go to the doctor! I feel an unneccessary obligation to show up and work extra hours, which I cannot be clocked in for, as we are not allowed even fifteen minutes of overtime. And I have been making it worse for the other supervisor, who says she understands, but I know she is cursing my name while I am not there.

Foolishly, I tink I can escape the pressure by coming home! Instead I come home to Mr. Mood, my roommate, who really I care for deeply — he is a good friend. But as a schizophrenic and socialphobic person, I cannot tell what is in store at home, but I know it will be stressful. I just don’t know what to do… and I can’t get Calgon to take it away, as there is just a single bathroom that invariably smells of kitty litter and dirty clothes. And I would hang out in my room if my roommate didn’t require constant attention and follow me in (and if the shootings didn’t distract me!!). I realize deep down that this is just a storm I need to ride out… nothing permanent and it WILL get better, as soon as the managers hire some people.

Self:

I need to get myself motivated to use the gym I am paying for. I feel much better (and it is a better investment) if I go. I have been flattered by the comments that I am getting smaller — I hope it isn’t just flattery.

Family:

I miss G.Continue Reading

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Future:
I have been thinking about my future lately. I have not been in school for a while and I feel so far behind where I should be. Besides that, I haven’t got a clue what I want to be when I grow up. I am 22 now, I thought I would have that figured out by now… why not?!?! I’ve always thought I would go into some English related field, but I have found lately a love of Interior Design… why not do that? I do love writing, but what kind of non-journalism career can I look at in writing? I feel like I am 17, but I am not and the clock is running….

JD:
My friend JD will be 22 on the 6th. I wish him much happiness. I miss my friends so much — I am finding that true friends are hard to come by in the adult world, and more and more all I want to do is be back in high school. Happy birthday JD.Continue Reading

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Clubs:
I went dancing on Saturday night. I keep forgetting how much I love doing that! I went with this girl Elisabeth from work and I am afraid that I wasn’t very talkative to her. I just wanted to Dance… We went to the Star — the only club to go dancing. I imagine that if people would go to Club NVS it would rock too, but not yet. Awesome music at both — but Saturday night they did not play a single Madonna song. I thought it was illegal to leave Mo out in a gay club…. Sunday was my Wunny’s birthday and we went to Arnie’s — an Irish pub — to celebrate. Let me just say this, I don’t get straight people. They sit around and drink and make bad jokes… that is fun? Oh well… It was fun because Sarah is fun when drunk. I have got to get out more often!

Family:
I have been giving a lot of thought to the anniversary present my brothers and I have planned for my parents next year (their 25th). We have 11 months, so I guess we need to get busy on it!

Self:
I have decided that 2002 is going to be my year!! I have so much that I want for next year, so I preparation I have started adjusting Brian to make room for all that I want. Not that I will be terribly dissapointed if none of what I want happens… that will be alright. I mean, yes I will be somewhat upset, but there is nothing wrong with just a decent year. I am hoping for GREAT though.Continue Reading

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Life:
I am finding that I am not as strong as I always thought I was. My entire world has been crushed and I am now in the process of rebuiling it. I am forcing myself to redefine some things in my life — who I am, what I am doing in this life, and what exactly it is I want to do. It is all difficult and I will later elaborate. Life, for the first time in a long time, is quite intimidating.

Family:
My brother married his girlfriend this summer —  I am not sure what to make of it, but I’m going to judge.  They are young though & I think it has caused some additional confusion in Mom’s head.  She is having to deal with what feels like the meltdown of her family.  I feel sad for her… I can’t relate to what she is going through.Continue Reading