Happy St Patrick’s Day to all. I’m spending my 13th* creating a special birthday present for Kerith. I’ll post a photo after I give it to her. Next year, I’ll attempt something more for this day. This year, low key feels just right.
*y’all know what it means… right?
Here’s Kerith’s gift.
Yep, it’s a two-headed giraffe.
I’ve been on a bit of a movie watching kick… that is, a new-to-me movie watching kick. Here’s what I’ve seen recently:
•I Could Never Be Your Woman (good)
•In Good Company (good + Topher Grace)
•City of Ember (excellent)
•A Series of Unfortunate Events (blah, I fell asleep; I really hate watching Jim Carrey)
•Finding Neverland (pretty good)
•Valiant (decent, fun)
•Mr & Mrs Smith (okay)
•Elizabeth: the Golden Age (very good)
•The Assassination of Jesse James (okay, I have trouble getting to the end)
•The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (excellent)
•Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (cute, not as good as the 2nd, but okay)
•Because of Winn-Dixie (cute, good)
•Mammoth (pretty bad)
•Oklahoma Cyclone (pretty good)
•Journey to the Center of the Earth (okay, I guess)
•In His Father’s Shoes (silly & sappy)
•Out of the Woods (good)
•Silent Night (good)
•Where There’s a Will (okay)
•Nosferatu (excellent)
I’ve still got a bunch I haven’t seen. I don’t know why I’m so glued to the TV.
I still hope to read more books this year than last year (and last year was my record). I’m a little behind, but if I stress over it, I just won’t get it done. Here’s my booklist. And on Shelfari.
To be an artist and troubled,
untroubled, beautiful — as beautiful as you and…
My dreams seem more vivid than they used to;
I credit you, unsure of how you are responsible.
Everything your ex-lover does reminds me of you,
reminds me of laughter, but not his, of yours,
reminds me to stop and notice nature, reminds me…
You were looking back at me through
the ceramic eyes of that white stag.
You’re in everything. I wonder if you’re real, if you…
I’m whispering secrets about you
to myself on cold nights.
I’m wondering what you’re creating — love, beauty,
magic, great catastrophes, or…?
You’re still dancing through trees in my brain,
you are plucking the commonest items,
pointing out the simple beauty, the perfection, the…
I wonder what your skin feels like.
I’m in love with who I am when I remember I know you.
1.15.2010
Genevaa squash blossom
perfect and lovely
so often overlooked.
Written 3 January 2010 in Anchorage, Alaska.
Brian Fuchs, “Geneva” from Okie Dokie (Scissortail Press, 2019)Continue Reading
In addition to winning “Most Likely to Join a Cult in 2010,” I spent a lot of time updating my site. I’ve been adding my older xanga posts, but I think I’m going to reach back even further. I’d like this to be a sort of journaling gallery reaching back to my earliest journals, many of which are pretty funny… I was a dorky little kid. This is truly emotional exhibitionism.
I also did a bit of writing and thought a lot about John Haynes today. Today I transferred 2004; his death was a big part of that year. I do miss him.Continue Reading
Have a wonderful 2010 everyone! It has been an eventful decade. I’m going to strive to make the coming one as excellent as I can. While I don’t always trust resolutions, I might even make a few for myself to ring in the new year and decade.
Love to everyone.
Warning: This is awfully full of self-pity, frustration, and all the unattractive qualities of a 30 year old single guy. This has been a difficult Christmas Day. I’ve tried to distract myself from it, but I’m spending Christmas alone and I am very aware of it. Last year, I had a sense of family. I spent the day with my three friends and two dogs and it was really a lovely holiday. This year, I’m feeling a little left out and lost. I suppose that is a place everyone has been at some point. And it is hardly a surprise. I knew everyone would have their real plans, but I guess I was looking for a way in; something to cement me into their lives this year. I don’t know how to create that and I’ve dealt with it all awkwardly, feeling like the pity invite to many plans over the years. Those are the times I feel gigantic, like the huge thing everyone is trying to pretend isn’t really as in the way as it is, the proverbial elephant in the middle of the room. Most people are nice enough to not mention how out of place I seem to be, which I appreciate. I just wish I felt like I belong somewhere.
Loneliness is such a horrible part of life. This has much more to do with me and my own lack of fulfillment is being with only myself than it has to do with anyone’s actions. I just feel so desperate to feel needed sometimes. Right now, I don’t.
I hate leaving sad thoughts on here, but sometimes I’m sad. Sometimes I’m not looking at what I have and what I don’t seems much larger and more important. Life can’t always be beautiful.