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On this beautiful August morning, I find myself focused on my soul. God has been at the at the front of my mind for a while now, tugging gently at my spirituality. Having just read My Trip Down the Pink Carpet by Leslie Jordan, I feel less alone in the world than I was starting to feel.

I have some of the best friends one could hope to have. Not only have I been able to retain a whole host of occasional friends from Oklahoma, people with whom I never need to catch up, but love spending time with when I have a chance, but I’ve made some amazing new friends in Alaska. These Alaskan friends are the most giving, warmest people I’ve ever known. But as far as my own faith goes, I cannot begin to relate to any of them.

At best, I’d lump the majority of my friends into the agnostic category. But that is such a religious term. I don’t care for it because it seems to imply a deficiency on their part. And it isn’t them I see as the issue. Although they were all raised Christian, it seems that Christianity failed each of them in some way, keeping them from retaining faith in faith. And to me that is infuriating. It is a clear sign to me of the common treatment of people who insist on being individuals — those who seem to have no choice but to live outside the parameters of strict Christian thought. I’m not only talking about my gay friends whose persecution is well documented, but of anyone whose life doesn’t fit into the idyllic dream of the conservative Christian community.

However, these same non-religious people who I love so much are the ones who make my soul shine brighter than those people I spent years worshiping with. They are my spiritual base. They are some of the most healing and spiritual people I’ve known in my life and recognizing that would do wonders for the religious community.

I often feel like I exist far beyond the norms of any group I’d possibly belong to. But why do I long to belong to a group, to be categorized? That is a silly notion and I do understand that. I’m going to try to be myself more than I have been… and by whatever means I need to… and with or without the support of others. I only know how to be me the way I am.

Jonathan helped to define my belief. Perhaps I need everyone to show me how to get there. Daniel, David, Heather, Denis, Justin, Travis, JD, Kendra… everyone has something to offer and as a whole, it all seems to work together.

Take Back the Word :: Robert E. Gross and Mona West {2000}
My Trip Down the Pink Carpet :: Leslie Jordan {2008}
Stranger at the Gate :: Mel White {1995}

Featured Image Art: AI Image (made using Wonder AI)

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Christian Indeed!

I have mentioned it many times, but I just want to say it again. What is wrong with people??? I live in “the buckle of the Bible Belt” and see a huge amount of hypocracy daily. Since everyone here in Tulsa claims to be a Christian, I am often ashamed to say that I am and have resorted to not saying it at all. It pains me to claim similar beliefs with people who seem so judgemental and hateful. I know that I am doing the same thing, judging them, but I still have a hard time with those who cannot walk the walk. Christian seems to be a term used by many as a substitute for conservative and/or close-minded. But I think those people need to look at the word and realize that it simply means someone who follows the teachings of Christ. The teachings of Christ do not include judgement or exclusion of others. They do not include hate for anyone. They are about one’s personal commitment of that person’s actions. Nobody should have anything to say about the way I live my life except for me and God. This means that you random so-called Christian do not get to decide that being gay is wrong or right. Unless of course you are 100% without sin. It is at that time that I will start accepting your advice on living my life and my walk in my faith.

Religion, Faith, Or Spirituality…?

I am not religious at all. I think to be so is silly (no offense to those who are). Being locked into dogma and ritual does not suit my finicky life and is therefore not welcome into it. Although I share the beliefs of other Christians, I do not claim to be one for reasons stated above as well as the following: stating ones religion automatically brings with it certain stereotypes. I don’t want to be held to certain beliefs that I don’t necessarily agree with.

Faith and Spirituality are a different matter all together. I am strong in both and I don’t often discuss them. I just am so rarely on the same wavelength that I cannot bear to defend myself all the time.

Have I Changed So Much?

I spent the evening with Serenity, James, Shauna, Bryce, etc. It was a lot of fun! We started at the bowling alley, where I bowled 131. Out of the 11 of us, I was 4th. I never bowl, so it was really great fun. Rennie and I got beers, making the evening even better. I also never drink. After, we went back to James & Shauna’s house. Shauna fed me, we visited, and then played Scene It. It is okay, but made me realize how out of touch I am with movies. I knew almost none of the answers. Blah.

Thing is that I felt a little out of touch with them. I haven’t spent time with them for about 2 years, and it had been a while at that point. I really didn’t think that I had changed since then, but the fact that I related very little made me realize that I had. Why is it that I am always changing into someone new, leaving my friends behind, no longer having the same things in common?

I guess it doesn’t matter. We seemed to be able to find enough things to talk about to keep ourselves amused. I even got along alright with Bryce, which had never happened when I lived with them. He is Shauna’s brother and was a source of tension at that time. It was nice to just get along with him. It was also very nice to see Serenity (Rennie), who has become my blog buddy. I actually just read through her blog occasionally, but it is fun to know she is always there.

Featured Image Art: photo by Valeri Terziyski (via Unsplash)

originally posted on Xanga