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Sleep:
I fully intended to watch Friends last night, but as I have been unable to sleep at all for a couple of days my body decided to sleep instead… dang it!!! I wanted to see it so bad. I don’t know why I have sleep problems, but I imagine it was stress.

Life:
I have been giving thought to moving back to Stillwater, but I really do like it here in Tulsa. I can’t stand the thought of leaving my friends or job, but I am so sick for the life I used to have that I somehow think going back home would help. Maybe I will, but probably not.

Work:
My review wasn’t yesterday, which means it IS today — egad. I am not that worried about it. My manager is a nice guy. We get along well, so it will be fine. I just hate meeting like that though…

Update:
My review wasn’t today, as planned. My manager said he’ll come in tomorrow (his day off) to do it… Whew… avoided it for another day!! Meanwhile, it has turned cold — I love it!!!! My uncle came to visit me at work. He is so great. It’s been a wonderful day!!Continue Reading

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Frustration:

My life has been filled with so much stress lately… I just need a break for it. I woke up this morning ten minutes after I was supposed to be at work, which set the mood for the entire day. I love my job normally, but it just seems that they expect me to not only do my job — and do it well — but also the job of three other people. Not that I mind a little push once in a while from management, as I am a person who requires an occasional shove in the right direction, particularly while out of medication, but they don’t seem to take into account that we are currently running on 2 supervisors instead of our suggested 8. They must figure that we’ve done it for so long we should be used to it, but I think it is catching up with me. I feel as though I cannot take vacation or sick days — when I should go to the doctor! I feel an unneccessary obligation to show up and work extra hours, which I cannot be clocked in for, as we are not allowed even fifteen minutes of overtime. And I have been making it worse for the other supervisor, who says she understands, but I know she is cursing my name while I am not there.

Foolishly, I tink I can escape the pressure by coming home! Instead I come home to Mr. Mood, my roommate, who really I care for deeply — he is a good friend. But as a schizophrenic and socialphobic person, I cannot tell what is in store at home, but I know it will be stressful. I just don’t know what to do… and I can’t get Calgon to take it away, as there is just a single bathroom that invariably smells of kitty litter and dirty clothes. And I would hang out in my room if my roommate didn’t require constant attention and follow me in (and if the shootings didn’t distract me!!). I realize deep down that this is just a storm I need to ride out… nothing permanent and it WILL get better, as soon as the managers hire some people.

Self:

I need to get myself motivated to use the gym I am paying for. I feel much better (and it is a better investment) if I go. I have been flattered by the comments that I am getting smaller — I hope it isn’t just flattery.

Family:

I miss G.Continue Reading