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Sleep: (added at 5:56 a.m.)

Or lack of it. After tossing and turning from 3:00 to now I decided it isn’t going to happen — and if it does I will oversleep. I have to be at work at 8:00. 2 more hours and then my hellish day will begin. I don’t know what the problem is, but I haven’t had a normal amount of sleep in over a week. I even lied to my friends, telling them I slept all day yesterday. I didn’t. I am definately feeling the effects of this now. I should get something to help (or see a doctor). Oh well…

Work:

I am so tired of everyone at work! Okay, just 3 of them. Anyway, they all need to be fired or quit. I am so sick of trying to so my job when others insist on doing NOTHING. Egad! Everything should be fixed soon… Thank God I had a day off today.

Storm:

The other day a storm ripped through town with winds up to 75 miles per hour. Something like 70,000 people lost power. It was weird because it was quite a nice day before and after. My parents e-mailed me to tell me they lost a tree. I liked that tree a lot. An ice storm did a number on it a couple of years ago.

Lori and I were out when the winds came in. We took shelterr at the mall. After sitting in the parking garage for an hour (we both HATE the mall), we went in briefly to buy some stuff at Bath & Body. Then we went to Cracker Barrel for a 3:00 p.m. breakfast. It was so good — I had not eaten all day. After a brief discussion on going home we went shopping for clothes. Together we spent $400 or so, which is crazy!!! We figured up our totals yesterday — we each spent the same amount. I did not intend to spend so much on clothes I will hate in a week anyway. We then ordered pizza and watched Return Of the King. Good day despite the frightening storm. Oh, and we ran into Molly and Jeff at Target.

Family:

It bothers me a little that I haven’t seen my family since sometime in March or early April. I used to see them once a week. Hmmm… Maybe it is somewhat my fault, but they pass by my house frequently. For me to visit it at least 45 minutes in a direction I wasn’t already going. Maybe I should say something. Or maybe I should stop whining — I hate it when people do that.Continue Reading

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Movie:
I saw The Day After Tomorrow. I actually liked it. There was one obnoxious thing about it that I HATED, but it was generally good for an escape. I am excited about some upcoming movies now, namely Spider-Man 2, Catwoman, and Harry Potter. I am a little upset with Halle Berry being cast as Catwoman. She was great as Storm, but needs to stick with Marvel. I would like to have seen someone unexpected and equally sexy take on this role. I would have liked Jennifer Garner, Lucy Liu, or Helena Bonham Carter — how awesome would that be!?!? Maybe Halle will prove me wrong… we’ll see. As a very infrequent movie-goer, I see myself spending a lot of time at theaters this summer.

Friends:
Justin and I had a fight today. I hate being totally wrong, but I was. He was trying to be very calm about a situation which he knew would irritate me and I blew up (unnecessarily). Being wrong sucks!

House:
I actually got some cleaning accomplished today! I got off my butt and did laundry, dishes, put stuff away, watered and turned plants, and beat the rugs. I feel like things are going to be okay in the house now. Thank you Justin for helping jump-start me.Continue Reading

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Xanga:
A friend just told me that this is exhibitionism. I guess it is in a way. I’m not sure why I never thought of it that way. That is me in a way too. I am a shy exhibitionist. I’m the guy who pretends I don’t know that everyone can see me naked through the blinds. I find that a little wrong, but exciting.

Friends:
I was to go get new glasses with Jessica today. She called earlier and I was asleep. I think sleep was far more important to me today than new glasses. I can’t seem to get rested. Lori said I may be overextending myself. Perhaps that is true. I am a people pleaser though. I don’t like to say no to anyone. I prefer to just do what others want. That is what makes me happy.

Death:
I’ve avoided the subject, but a friend of mine, John Haynes, died a few weeks ago. He was my direct supervisor at work as well as a personal friend. I really miss him. I try to not be sad, which is impossible. I feel especially bad for Ray, John’s partner. He just seems so lost. I hope he realizes that we are here to support him. It is very hard facing a death everyday. I really feel like I am whining about it, but that doesn’t really make sense. I guess this too shall pass. John would make so much fun of all of us for being sad…

Mood:
I was thinking about being lazy. I am ridiculously lazy sometimes. I live in a pit, have gained weight, need to pay bills. What is my problem?? I feel like something is wrong with me. Maybe I am just in a funk because of John’s death. Maybe I am sulking and should just snap out of it. It all seems so stupid and now I know I am trying to gain some sort of sympathy that I would rather not have. Are we surprised that I have no boyfriend? No, we are not. Everything will even out soon…

Pride:
We planned Pride. I am excited and a little apprehensive about the whole experience. My two straight friends, Lori & Jess are going. I am a little fearful that they will get bored and require a ride home before I am ready. Or they will be cranky… maybe it will be fine.

Self:
I don’t know what my problem is, but I need to cut it out. I am just not pleasant at all.Continue Reading

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Sex:
I’ve spent several night talking about sex with a friend recently. It made me feel lonely. Sadly, it has been 2 years since I was with anyone. I long for a relationship, but I haven’t been successful at initiating conversation with guys. I feel a bit reserved in that area of my life and want desperately to be the one who approaches others. Anywho…

Family:
I am turning into my parents and it scares me. I was so worried about my mom travelling by herself to North Carolina. I stressed over it until I knew she arrived safely. My dad does the same thing and it drives me insane. I have discussed this subject before, but I just don’t know what to think anymore. …

Robbie Williams:
I was so frustrated trying to order Robbie Williams CDs. Are there only a few released in the US? I absolutely LOVE RW, but I am having to spend way too much on his discs.Continue Reading

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Work:
It all hits the fan in the morning. There are several big things going on tomorrow that will cause chaos and confusion at work, but they will prove good in the near future. Management shake-ups and such. I officially know nothing and must act surprised as each items comes down. Nothing immediately affects me, so I will try to not tense up.

UPDATE: Wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Stressful for some, but not as bad as it could have been. (5:57 p.m.)

Family:
My cousin is in town briefly before going back to Harding for summer classes. I feel bad that I haven’t called her (and she has called me), but I feel strange about it. I think that it’s time to let her know that I am gay, but I really fear her reaction. She and I have been close our entire lives and I just don’t know how she’ll react. I hope she knows already. She leaves Thursday. I really have to call and see her at least once. It has been too long.

Friends:
I am an ass. My friends and I were playing Phase 10. I really don’t care who wins, but I play the game. If I win I win, if not so what. Today was horrible though. Jess was so bitter that I was doing well she attempted to sabotage my game. It was so malicious. She lost all signs of having a good time. It isn’t life, it’s a game. I reacted poorly, throwing the game and making some snide remark about the goal of this hand being screwing me over. I felt bad, but it was crazy that a game irritated her so much. We made up after Ray won and all is forgotten.

Self:
I might have a fear of dying.Continue Reading

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I can’t believe it has been so long – 2 years. I am still at Barnes & Noble. I hope to become much more active on this weblog. I find it terribly theraputic. Thanks for reading.

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