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I’ve been a little down recently. I’m trying not to be.

 

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It was a sudden shift, but I officially do not work at Borders any longer. This was a rather difficult decision, and yet the easiest thing I’ve ever done.

It had been building for quite some time. A particularly difficult person had been making my job even harder because of obvious disagreements between us. It seemed obvious that one of us would have to go. Having a position above me, the upper hand was gained and the pressure to get rid of me was on.

It seemed that Grant would rather me leave if I was not going to fight back, but I am hardly a fighter in these situations. I don’t blame him at all. He wants a certain kind of management staff, which he is not finding. I wish it could be what is should be, but there is a lack of competence.

I really loved working for Borders — I hope to end up there again one day (hopefully, not too long from now). Book retail is second nature to me and Borders has really proven itself to me. It is a disorganized and messy company full of people who care about what they do. It is nice to have been associated with passionate people. Obviously, my time with Barnes & Noble was much longer, but Borders now has a portion of my heart too. On top of that, I really loved the specific position I held at Borders and hope I can find similar work at another company.

I really didn’t want to leave, but it felt like something I needed to do. And I really wanted to make my leaving about something other than difficulties with another person, but it really wasn’t. There was no real stress in my tasks, but a great amount in worrying what I would do to get angry e-mails from someone who just can’t seem to get along with other people.

I will land on my feet. Michaels has offered me hours until I find something else, understanding that my love for books will compel me to find a job at a bookstore.Continue Reading

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So, I have been really quite busy since I returned from my vacation. I have been keeping David Eugene company while he works on moving himself & his landlord, working on my own house, researching some stuff for Mr. Alley (David), and working both jobs. Since they gave me a promotion at Michaels, I have more of a set schedule, but also more hours each week. The money will be nice; I am still adjusting to the time. Plus, David is directly above me, which is fine, but it is weird. Borders is going fine too. I don’t think that I necessarily care more after time off, but I have time to gain perspective on issues I have been thinking about and give myself the time to create a plan. This vacation was no different. I have plans for Borders and I intend to make my section (the office) better than it has been in a long time.

I have been tired. When I have a spare moment, I sleep. I’m really glad I am busier though. Being out in the world more is very good for me. I am looking forward to adding TV night to my calendar again… that is with a couple of people from work. I enjoy spending time with them and it has been too long.

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“No man needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one.”
–Elbert Hubbard

Vacation. It is going pretty well. I have managed to irritate, aggravate, or annoy more people in less time than my previous visit. It feels like an accomplishment. It shouldn’t. I really didn’t mean to be the source of any problems. I’ve enjoyed seeing everyone. However, being stuck at my parents’ finally got to me. It all started when I arrived on Tuesday.

I left Anchorage after a very long day Monday. I had worked at Borders from 7-3:30 and at Michaels from 5-10. The flight was to leave at 12:30, but of course I was at the airport by 10:45. It was far too early, but I didn’t want to fall asleep until I was on the plane. And we had a full flight, of course. I slept the entire way to Seattle. The layover was too short to sleep there. I slept on the way to Denver. I was fairly awake, but cranky in Denver. I ate nachos, contemplated changing, and generally didn’t want to be there. I feared that I would not be able to sleep on the way from Denver to Tulsa, but luckily, I dozed off well, even though I was sitting between two people.

When I arrived, it was nice to have Brad waiting for me at the airport. We gathered my bags and made a couple stops. I wanted to go by Barnes & Noble and Hot Topic (my barbell in my tongue was stripped). After that, I was really sleepy and slept on the hour trip to Stillwater. It was nice to hang out with Brad. We got in, went to pick up Conner (my nephew), and came back to my parents’ house. It was pretty late and there wasn’t much left to do. So, I slept. And well.

Wednesday & Thursday were both spent stuck at my parents’ house. I liked the people there: Dad, Conner, & Jason, but I was feeling rather trapped. I just wanted to be able to drive away for a little while, but I couldn’t. Mom’s brakes had gone out, so her car was not drivable. I spent most of Friday sleeping. My reunion registration was at 5 and mom arrived in time for me to borrow my grandpa’s car (which she had been driving all week) and get in to register. My brother arrived just as I did, which was an odd coincidence. We talked to Andrea for a bit and then drove around until we needed to be at Mexico Joe’s at 8 for the reunion. First, we stopped at Wal-Mart to get me a shirt.

My class reunion was weird — good weird. I was a bit of a loner in school. I knew everyone and I am sure they all knew me, but I wasn’t exactly friends with them. I have always felt connected to these people though. I know that I will be the one who attends the reunions everytime and grows to be more fond of these people as the years go by. And why didn’t I take the time to get to know them back then? Of course, the same ones who annoyed me in high school annoyed me at the reunion. And everyone had kids… or so it seemed. Overall, it was a good experience. I talked to only a few people, but really felt like I was part of a group… one I couldn’t get kicked out of, even if they didn’t really care for me. That was oddly comforting. What made the whole thing even better is having family there. Since Brent & I were in the same class — and therefore graduated together — he and Laurisa were there for me to hang out with. They’ve always been the types that have a lot more casual friends, whereas I always had a few very close friends. Speaking of, Travis was there. Unfortunately, a family emergency kept him from attending the family fun day on Saturday.

The family fun day was interesting. I initially didn’t want to go, but Brent insisted. It was fun to see all the kids. And it was fun to spend time with my neices, KC & Avery. They are a lot of fun to be around. What I will always remember is that I was poorly dressed, due to the mud at my parents’ house. Ick.

Sadly, we’ve already lost 4 classmates and 2 teachers. I don’t know the details of all of the deaths, but it really made me stop and think. 4 out of 402 is really quite a lot. I only really knew 1 of the students and 1 of the teachers.

Thank you David & Heather for letting me complain to you.

Updates: updated brian’s body: an exploration; updated a few links; removed a few images from Threadless Shirts page.
Activities: hung out with Mom & Dad; drove to Brent & Laurisa’s with Annie
Food: potato wedges & ketchup, split pea soup, toast with olive oil spread, potato salad, tortilla chips, Krispy Kreme mini crullers, 3+ Diet Cokes, 3 bottles of white and/or green tea. (it sounds like a lot, but I had just a little of all of this stuff)Continue Reading

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I had a dream that is obviously about my family. It ran like some sort of music video or animated short. My parents were a pair of love birds sitting happily in the middle of a large cutout in the shape of the US. Suddenly, around them flew three other birds: a raven, a peacock, and an owl. The raven quickly settled nearby, finding another raven to build a nest with. The peacock flew around for a while, but soon settled with a peahen not too far from the lovebirds. The owl, however, after flying in circles for some time, flew high into the air, flew far away, and found a branch in a tree on the far end of the US; away from the other birds where it perched alone.Continue Reading

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Mãe, Ammee, Madre, Màna, Kantaäiti, Biang, Mother, Mere, Nyokap, Moer, Mum, Matka, Nënë, Maji, Ema, Kryemurgeshë, Mëmë, Emo, Mom

“A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”
–Tenneva Jordan

I doubt most people are half as lucky as I am. I have the great benefit of not only having a wonderful mother, but also, in the same person, I have a great friend. LaDonna Marie Fuchs (Tucker) is one of the most generous people to inhabit this earth and one of the most humble. I strive daily to be more like her and yet don’t have the exact quality that makes her so unique. Mom is independent, intelligent, & content. Today, as we celebrate mothers, I just hope she knows how important she is to me.

I remember when I was young — I could have been 8 or 11 or some such age — I made a decision about my relationship with my mom. We had gone up to her classroom at Rainbow on a Saturday to get something (I don’t remember what it was — plastic treat bags, craft supplies, bright pink buckets). It seems like it was fall. She believed she had picked up a certain number of something or a certain specific something. When she said so, I corrected her, knowing that she had been wrong. “Oh,” she responded in disappointment. It was the way she said it. The “oh” was so sad to me at the age I was. I didn’t want her to feel that way ever again. I decided to not be the source of this kind of “oh” in the future. It seems silly that I have held on to such an insignificant memory. And I have hardly kept my promise, causing both intentional and unintentional pain throughout the years since this incident. But I keep coming back to this, remembering my solemn vow to keep my mom satisfied.

Today, when I feel like everything I say is making no sense to anyone else, I call my mom (or my dad or my brothers). To my family, my words make sense, even when they don’t. To my parents, my values and beliefs are familiar.

I hope all the mothers out there have a wonderful day today.

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Okay, I admit that it is unwise to eat things that you know will cause some sort of allergic reaction. It boils down to common sense. Why would you knowingly ingest something that will cause your tongue or neck to swell. But that is the game I have been playing. I have come to the conclusion that I have a slight allergy to sunflower nuts. To test my theory, I have been continuing to eat sunflower nuts & things made with sunflower oil to see what sort of reaction I might have. If you are interested, the nuts seem to cause my tongue to swell, the oil seems to cause my neck to swell. It is all very curious. It is also entirely possible that I am reacting to something other than sunflowers. I’d have to be willing to go to the doctor to come to any real conclusion about my health. Paying for insurance is one thing, actually finding a physician and making appointments is quite another. I also have this quirky notion that I want a female doctor. I’m not sure why that is exactly and maybe it is just best to not delve into that.

I have been thinking about the direction of this site since I restarted it back in March. I think it is only natural for it to evolve, but it lacks a clear purpose. Maybe that is best, but I would like a bit of structure. Watch for changes soon. I doubt anything drastic will be altered, but a few minor details will. I’d like to get others reading this soon. {that isn’t to say I don’t love y’all who do read this — you’re my favorite people!}Continue Reading