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This is my last day in the duplex. I intend to be moved out by the end of the day today — both me and the cats. I am quite over this moving experience. It is second only to moving to Alaska for the worst of my life. It has felt rushed and cursed the entire time. Even now, many of my things sit untouched in the soon to be vacant house. It hardly seems like I have enough time to move. In truth, I had planned to continue tomorrow morning, as this is my regularly scheduled weekend off. The manager who writes the schedule, in her infinite pregnant “wisdom” decided that she would schedule me anyway. Don’t worry, I have been making her feel bad about it since I saw the schedule. I should have just told her that I cannot work. This is too important.

The cats have yet to figure out what is in store for them. They will like the new place eventually, but for now they are about to be traumatized… ripped from their home without any warning. I intend to sleep for a long time the next time I get a day off, which apparently isn’t until Thursday. I want it to be right now.Continue Reading

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Newsboy

And so to be near
and so to be far
to be a shrill bird
silly in its tree

to be a blooming whale
and infinitely sad
it is no burden
to be free from fear

but the daring
amasses its red strips
and some are nearer
than others

Frank O’Hara

No reason. I just liked this today. Recently updated France, Top 10, & Body pages. Since I am moving, I cannot work on the assigned stories, but they can be assigned for later if you want.

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I have found myself homeless… or about to be homeless. I am really apprehensive about it for a number of very real reasons.

I will be living on David’s couch. He is moving into a one bedroom house. It is very small. He has also recently acquired a dog — a husky. She is a sweet thing and took to me right away. My issue is that I have two cats. I don’t want them to be harmed and I fear that Joda could easily kill them. David was rather blasé about it, remarking that they should be fine as long as they stay away from her food and they would have the entire downstairs to themselves. I would be devestated if Joda harmed them.

It is true, the basement is huge and the cats will love it down there, but in their 6 years of life, they have always had me to sleep on or near. They are very social cats and don’t like to hide. I’m not sure how I feel about disrupting them for so long. I need to have my babies around me… they are my family. I appreciate David’s willingness to take us in, but I wish he would take that part into consideration a little bit more than he has. (He got the dog AFTER confirming that I was moving in) I have decided to try and have some sort of set up so I can hang out downstairs a litte, but it will get quite cold down there. It is officially too late to find somewhere else to live and I don’t know anyone who could take them in for a few months.

I will not have anything at David’s and I won’t have space to myself. I am the type of person that needs to be alone sometimes. I won’t have that. I need to have some of my things around. I won’t have that. I need to feel comfortable in my home. I won’t have that.

I plan on getting a place no later than December 1. I need the time at David’s to save up for moving into a place of my own. I am just worried. I hope it all goes really well and I really hope the animals can be socialized to live with one another.

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there is a lot of drama and a lot of packing going on right now. i am super busy. i only have until the end of the month to get my stuff packed and moved… have i mentioned that i hate packing? not only am i moving, but i will essentially be homeless, living on David’s sofa for a few months. i am looking forward to it! 🙂

i found my journal from my trip to france 11 years ago. i am considering putting it on here.. or at least parts of it. i was such a dork back then.Continue Reading

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When I think about my friends, I tend to define them in the way episodes of the show Friends were titled. There is the one who reads too much, the one who works too much, the one who is handy, the one who is always kidding, the one I kissed, the one who moved, the one who ran, the one who made me come out when it wasn’t time, the one who writes, & the one who is always growing up. There are others and they are always defined in this way to me. Then there is me. For whatever reason, I am always the one who cannot have a bad day. I don’t like that about myself most of the time, but I am usually able to just accept it and move on.

Regardless of what my emotional state is, I am never as bad off as my friends. Currently, I am feeling rather lonely and sad — I would love for my 2 closest friends to be around, even if only here and there. However, both of them are having issues of their own. Both of them have more reason to be emotionally distant than I do to be emotionally needy. But this is the pattern of my life. If I am down, someone else is more down. If I feel lost, someone else needs my help finding their way.

I’ll get through it. I’ll be fine in the end. But I won’t have managed with much help from my friends. I know they care… they really do, but they can’t always be there. I hope that this is how I grow. It feels sad to grow without those around to comfort me when I am gloomy. Maybe it is. But I don’t really get a choice most of the time.

I’m not really fishing for comfort on here either. I know you are all supportive. I just needed to share because I can’t get my way right now. My friends don’t have time for me right now (or they want to be left alone or they have other issues going on). I’m not indicating that I blame them for having lives of their own either. My feelings are not their fault. But I am frustrated and those who read this get to deal with it now.

Thanks for listening to me whine.

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28 feels old. And it doesn’t help to realize that I am now living each of the days for the 29th time. It is not upsetting, but just interesting.

For my birthday, we went to The Moose’s Tooth for dinner. Grant, David, Jake, & Heather showed up. It was nice to be around people I care about. Craig & Heather came over to my place after dinner. I would like to spend more time with Craig. He is a lot of fun. It was a very low key day… nice. I wish David had been around a little more, but it was still nice.

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I am currently reading The Mother Tongue by Bill Bryson. I have read it a number of times before… Bill Bryson is such an excellent writer. This time around, the book seems to have rekindled my love of words (I had hardly noticed my interest had waned). It is almost enough to make me continue my education and get a real degree. Almost.

I think returning to school frightens me a little. Not the actual school part… that seems now that it would be easy, but I will have to figure out what I would want to do afterwards. I want to write, but question my talent lately. It all seems very difficult sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I am not upset about any of this. I am just being realistic about it. I am on the verge of 28 and have done nothing professionally with my writing. That can be considered quite old to get started.

I think it is good for me to question myself and ponder these things. It will make be a better person in the end, regardless of were it takes me. Writing, as one of the few passions I have, should be where I turn to when I need to release part of my soul. Too often, however, it seems that it just isn’t enough to get me to do anything about my life. We’ll see.Continue Reading