Two things have been bugging me for the past few days. First, Lori. Yes, I know — this drama is tired and I need to stop dwelling on it. In an effort to make clear what I feel, I have posted the lyrics to both of my “Lori songs” (both by Scissor Sisters). The first, Mary, is the way I felt when Lori was still around. It was the relationship we had. I miss that time. The second, Almost Sorry, is the way I feel about Lori now. It is darker and cynical and fairly accurate about the anger I have built up.
The other thing bugging me is the death of the real Mary (from the song). Having never known the woman, hearing that she died was very sad to me.
Mary
I love the tone that’s in your laugh
Gasping for an extra breath
Waiting for the time to pass
I believe in days ahead
Don’t spend another night alone
Cross and wishing you were dead.
Mary, you shouldn’t let them make you mad
You hold the best you can
And Mary, after all the pain is gone
I’m always gonna live to be your man.
I’ve had it easy now you see
When I’m down you’re always there
Standing by to comfort me
Someday we’ll go round the world
I’ll make the journey so sublime
I know you’re not a travelin’ girl.
Mary, you shouldn’t let ’em make you mad
You hold the best you can
And Mary, after all the pain is gone
I’m always gonna live to be your man.
Cause I’d give everything I have
Forget all the things that bring me joy
If you could have one day of
Pure and simple happiness
Until that moment comes
I’ll be here where I’ve always been
I’m gonna be your friend
Until the day I die.
Mary, you shouldn’t let ’em make you mad
You hold the best you can
And Mary, after all the pain is gone
I’m always gonna live to be your man.
Almost Sorry
if anyone was headed for the gates of hell i knew you’d be first
i used to picture your obituary and i wished you the worst
the danger of the playground
the radio said you drowned
and i’m sorry
almost
almost sorry
no sympathy is given to the perpetrator charged with the crime
im willing to admit that it feels good to be a victim sometimes
and i wont ever get to thank you for the terrible things you said
’cause i’m sorry
almost
that you’re dead to the world
where i hoped you would be
never imagined you’d live on in me
you gave me destination but i paid for the ride
the place you punched my ticket left a crater inside
where i cried (he cried)
where i cried (you died)
where i cried from the bruises
learned to live with the scars
now you live in the mirror
when i look there you are
you’re the shadow on the faces of the people i meet
have you claimed eternal shotgun in my passenger seat
well i’m sorry
almost
almost sorry
sometimes the best design is done by damage
the accident can cease
the rainbow still looks pretty when it bleeds
Featured Image Art: illustration of a Faerie Kacheek (Neopets)