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Stillwater, Oklahoma

2. THE WEATHER

I have stood under skies full of rain.
I have been a scared child, comforted
by the clouds which might burst into storms,
and by hail, the chaos of thunder.
I have seen the bright sun in the sky,
oddly close, maybe more than before,
close enough to reach up, touch its rays
if not for exhaustion from the heat.
Everything start to wilt on those days,
our spirits, slumped lilies still standing,
thinking back on Easter’s soft beauty.

Notes

Written 19 February 2020

Brian Fuchs, “Stillwater, Oklahoma” from Scissor-tailed Flycatcher (Scissortail Press, 2020)

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The Rain

I’m still waiting outside for rain,
hoping for sudden downpours from cloudless skies.
I’m wondering if she’ll join me when the first drops
start to fall and the birds fall silent.
She’s been delayed, I’ve told myself again,
or the rain hasn’t been enough.
It has never been enough
I’ve summoned more and more rain,
for over a year I’ve coaxed it from the air,
the ground sometimes swelling, saturated and marshy.

Brush Creek has filled to overflowing,
washing out parts of the road and clearing out
the debris of our distractions.
It has not been enough.
The Cimarron & Arkansas Rivers have been flooded,
swallowing homes and memories,
lives lost and inconvenienced.
Still she has not arrived.
I continue my incantations, calling for more clouds,
more rain — great hurricanes that try to find me,
creeping along the coasts, tied to the oceans.
Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, The Bahamas, Puerto Rico,
they may all need to be sacrificed in my efforts,
and it will be worth the loss because I will
no longer feel like I am alone.
I am listening for those first signs, the drips on the tin roof
and I am ready to throw open the windows,
clench my fists, and try to push my dreams into reality.
I know she will join me if I keep trying,
and we will sit together on the covered porch,
resuming what should still be.

Notes

Written 5 September 2019 in Payne County, Oklahoma.

Brian Fuchs, “The Rain” from Okie Dokie (Scissortail Press, 2019)

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You’d have a hard time finding someone who loves rain more than I do.  It relaxes me and even the slightest drizzle will cause me to throw open my windows in the hopes that I will hear the patter of raindrops.  It’s one of the things that makes me act crazy, but something I’m not apologizing for.  I love thunderstorms, light showers, sudden downpours.

I remember when I was a kid it rained on my birthday a couple of times.  By the beginning of August in Oklahoma, things can start to look pretty bleak.  Grasses start turning brown from lack of rain, and gardens become increasingly difficult to keep alive (in my experience anyway).  It’s been months since the storms of April and May, and it really feels unbearably hot and dry.  So, on those occasions when it rained on August 5, I remember being excited to have a break from the heat.

We had a fairly hot June this year, and while I hoped for below average temperatures for the rest of the summer, I didn’t have any hope of that happening.  I have been pleasantly surprised.  It’s been very warm at times, but the blistering heat has really stayed away this year.  At the end of July, it started to rain even.  That was so nice.

And the rain just kept coming.  It’s August 19 now.  The last rain we had was yesterday.  That was the last of almost 20 days of the rain I love.  Some days it would just rain a little in the middle of the day, and other days would see a large storm come through during the night.  Ultimately, I’d take that over no rain any day.  But I’m glad to have a break from it just now.  The plants need time to dry out, get some sun, etc.  We’ve got more rain in the forecast for next week.

This week was brilliant in some ways, but very sad in others.  Opie & Laura announced they are having a baby.  It was nice to have some good news, but I am having trouble with the knowing that Mom would want to have seen these two start their family.  And they are going to be great parents.  Opie had a few issues, and ten years ago I would have been worried about him becoming a father.  He’s really proven himself to be a wonderful person, and has a fantastic future ahead of him.  I’m so proud to have people like him in my family.

Brent turned 40.  I don’t think I will handle it well when I turn 40 next year, but it isn’t because I’m afraid to be in my 40s.  It brings up so many issues.  I don’t know how Brent dealt with it, but he does usually deal with things well.  I wish we would have had a party for him, but I’ve had some trouble keeping up with things like that.

I’m looking forward to a great week.  I’m starting to think it’s okay to do things… that seems vague, but I’ll elaborate in the future.

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Long day!  We woke up to a very good breakfast.  We traveled away from St. Malo and went to Normandy.  In one town we ate some lunch and had a very good time.  I could do this a lot.  However, some chose to go to a discoteque late the night before and Arnaud was very stressed.  I bought some cheese.  In Normandy, we went to the American cemetery and there was quite a downpour.  Everyone and everything was wet.  It was probably better because we got a better feeling of what it might have been like in that harbor at that time.  We saw the concrete structures in the sea that were brought to fortify the artificial harbor.  We also spent about 45 minutes at the place that was bombed and the Germans were called [Omaha] Beach.  Then after that we were off to Paris!  We were going and I woke up about one hour before we arrived in the city.  We went through many miles of trees and forest and the traffic started thickening.  The trees were very numerous.  We went through several tunnels and suddenly under one tunnel, we were there!  We ate at a very decent restaurant where the waiters were amusing when they tried to speak English.  After that we went for a lovely ride on a boat through the highlights of Paris from the Seine River.  We went around both islands and passed many gorgeous buildings and statues.  When we arrived at the hotel we were pleasantly surprised by the discovery of a shower curtain and refrigerator and microwave.  It was very nice.  Each room was 350 F for 1 night – 2 people.  Paris is a wonderful city.  We are not doing anything for the night but sleep!

» 26 May 2009

This day had a lot of important parts.  First, the visit to one of the D-Day beaches was really moving.  The heavy rain made it even more somber and I wished I could have just stood there all day.  While the history lessons on large boards were fascinating, they paled to have the impact of a field of white crosses.  It was beautiful and eerie.  The rain, the cold, and the sudden sense of sadness dealt a crucial blow to my impressions of Paris.  By the time we arrived, I wasn’t really feeling well and tried for a couple days to shake it.  Unfortunately, I only had those couple of days to enjoy Paris.  Under different circumstances, my feelings of that city might be better.

» 27 June 2016

The air is thick with an uneasiness.  Change seems inevitable, but whether that will prove positive or negative remains to be seen.  I have a lot of fears about the direction politics is headed in this country, in spite of the fact that I really do believe the US is not only the greatest country to be living in right now, but has been getting better and better.  Losing sight of our improvements as a nation is easy; the media finds very little interest in something as mundane as satisfaction or happiness.  The impression is left that there exists more unrest, more dissatisfaction, more strife than actually does exist, and that feeds into those problems.  I’m by no means saying that genuine issues do not exist, nor am I saying that the issues  people face are not important.  But what I am saying is that we are not worse off than we were before.  Part of the rhetoric of the current political discourse is that we have left behind an America whose ideals were so fantastic.  We have betrayed our country and need to work to get back to a former greatness.  That sounds good, and nostalgia certainly paints the past in pretty colors, but when viewed historically, no basis for such an idyllic time exists.  Sure, we’ve had moments of resolve, challenges we have overcome, periods of great prosperity and possibility, but often these moments are tainted with the uglier sides of our human nature: discrimination, greed, corruption.  In no point in American history have we seen as much equality for all citizens as we do now, even if there is still progress to be made.  And that is we have opportunities to shine.  Progress.  We won’t be the leaders of the free world anymore if we isolate ourselves and leave our allies to figure things out for themselves.

In 1776, France provided aid to the American colonies, likely allowing for the defeat of the British in the American Revolution.  On June 6, 1944 America was able to repay that debt and helped defeat the Germans who were occupying France at the time.  They were our first ally, and remain one to this day.  But that relationship was not formed and strengthened through isolationism.  How different would the world be now if the United States had decided that saving France was not its problem?  How different would the world be now if France had decided that saving the American Colonies was not its problem?  Foreign relations is not about maintaining friendships at arms length.  It never has been.  A large number of Americans have been steered into that way of thinking.  The media coverage and the conservative message have so blown up the problems that exist with “the other” that I think it is difficult to remember how connected we all are on this planet.

Visiting Omaha beach was moving, it still is twenty years later.  It is a reminder of our global responsibility.  Having a strong and proud national identity need not cost us our allies.