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It was a sudden shift, but I officially do not work at Borders any longer. This was a rather difficult decision, and yet the easiest thing I’ve ever done.

It had been building for quite some time. A particularly difficult person had been making my job even harder because of obvious disagreements between us. It seemed obvious that one of us would have to go. Having a position above me, the upper hand was gained and the pressure to get rid of me was on.

It seemed that Grant would rather me leave if I was not going to fight back, but I am hardly a fighter in these situations. I don’t blame him at all. He wants a certain kind of management staff, which he is not finding. I wish it could be what is should be, but there is a lack of competence.

I really loved working for Borders — I hope to end up there again one day (hopefully, not too long from now). Book retail is second nature to me and Borders has really proven itself to me. It is a disorganized and messy company full of people who care about what they do. It is nice to have been associated with passionate people. Obviously, my time with Barnes & Noble was much longer, but Borders now has a portion of my heart too. On top of that, I really loved the specific position I held at Borders and hope I can find similar work at another company.

I really didn’t want to leave, but it felt like something I needed to do. And I really wanted to make my leaving about something other than difficulties with another person, but it really wasn’t. There was no real stress in my tasks, but a great amount in worrying what I would do to get angry e-mails from someone who just can’t seem to get along with other people.

I will land on my feet. Michaels has offered me hours until I find something else, understanding that my love for books will compel me to find a job at a bookstore.Continue Reading

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So, I have been really quite busy since I returned from my vacation. I have been keeping David Eugene company while he works on moving himself & his landlord, working on my own house, researching some stuff for Mr. Alley (David), and working both jobs. Since they gave me a promotion at Michaels, I have more of a set schedule, but also more hours each week. The money will be nice; I am still adjusting to the time. Plus, David is directly above me, which is fine, but it is weird. Borders is going fine too. I don’t think that I necessarily care more after time off, but I have time to gain perspective on issues I have been thinking about and give myself the time to create a plan. This vacation was no different. I have plans for Borders and I intend to make my section (the office) better than it has been in a long time.

I have been tired. When I have a spare moment, I sleep. I’m really glad I am busier though. Being out in the world more is very good for me. I am looking forward to adding TV night to my calendar again… that is with a couple of people from work. I enjoy spending time with them and it has been too long.

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I hope May is off to a great start for everyone. I was thinking about the absurdity of the maypole the other day. I guess it is no weirder than leprechaun footprints, egg-laying rabbits, or airborne caribou, but it just seemed like an unlikely holdover from the past. A large rod rising into nothing, adorned with ribbons of color. The odd edifice is accompanied by its own dance, a pre-Christian ritual celebrating the arrival of summer. But this seems to be the entirety of the May Day rituals. Dance around a pole merrily; repeat as needed. Curious.

The snow is still around town in little stubborn piles. It seems warm enough for these to melt, but they are resisting quite effectively. It seems wrong to have even the recent memory of snow in May, but it really was only a few weeks ago that we were driving on the permanent layer of snow and ice, packed down for months. I had really grown accustomed to the blanket of white and was a little sad to see it go. That got me more than a few raised eyebrows. The consensus seems to be that summer is so short that it should be enjoyed while it can be. For me, I found myself missing the winter because it had been so long. There had been snow covering the ground since October. That is a long bit of time.

I have solidified plans to go home this month. I paid for tickets. The flights were so booked that I will be traveling for half a day each way, with 2 layovers. It seemed like the worst way to go, but I had waited so long that my options were limited. I am really looking forward to seeing everyone, but I am not looking forward to the heat. I have become a person who is quite comfortable when it is 18° outside and the heat barely warms up the house. Start talking about Oklahoma heat and I sweat at the mere thought of it. I can’t wait to see my family though.

I am finally starting to get into a groove with 2 jobs. I requested no more than 3 days at Michaels, which they were more than okay with. That allows me some time at home, which I have used this week for extra sleep. I can already see myself getting back to my normal routine in the next week or so, so you can expect the updates I owe this site. And I need more requests. I am currently still working on the most recent one, but I need to get more!!! Travis?Continue Reading

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Having 2 jobs is really tiring. I’m not sure how long I will last, especially with my part-time job scheduling me 4 days. I require down time in my life. I hope I can make it work, but not at the expense of my sanity!

Jess, this next one is going to be great. I will work on it when I have some time… which is… ? eventually!Continue Reading

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1. Why can I not stay on task and finish sorting through my stuff / cleaning my house? Probably because I am a little stressed out at the moment. I like having a clean home to relax in, but sometimes I just want to relax without having to worry about cleaning. So it has been lately. I just would rather wait.

2. What made me stop looking for a new full-time position (for now)? I genuinely like where I work. I don’t mind the quirks anymore. Oh, I assure you that I did when I started a year and a half ago. But I no longer am concerned about such things. I also have started to calm down, as I really needed to. Work is work. It will be difficult at times. What I really need is a way to escape. Heather has her books. David has his crafts. Nothing seems to fit. Sure writing is great, but the great problem is that writing is work. It takes a lot of time and energy. I love it and it doesn’t stress me out in the least, but it doesn’t exactly allow me to properly unwind. I need something more mindless for that. Since I started at Michaels, maybe I will try crafting again. There are so many things I can do.

3. What seems to be the job related issue? Even though I am not currently seeking a new line of work, I do believe there is a fundamental problem with me and retail now. And this is very recent. I have discovered office work. I feel like I have somewhat outgrown field retail as a career and should be working in a corporate office at this point. I love providing customer service and working with customers, but retail — almost all retail — involves tons of busy work and very little compensation for it. It was a very satisfying way to spend the last 8.5 years of life, but I may need to try something else for a little while. But not just yet. I want to give myself some time to enjoy retail again. No major career changes for at least another year.

4. Why do I make these lists? I make them to continue to write. If I make a list of something specific, I can usually force myself to write something. A list gives me a subject when none had come to mind. They spark creativity.

5. What is new with Brian? I am currently working on securing members for my new community site. I haven’t really decided what the theme is — and that will determine a lot. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. The idea started as a community of artists, but now it might be of “booksellers” or “opinionated people” or “people who have lived in Alaska” or “people whose last names only contain 5 letters.” It is still really open. Start the ideas flowing!!!

Hugs to all.Continue Reading

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I start my second job at Michaels on Sunday. I imagine having 2 jobs will make me very tired. I am looking forward to this new experience. The result of my recent ponderings on my career path: nothing. I feel better after some venting. Life at work is good and I feel like I am regaining some of the control I felt I had lost. I am still looking into new opportunities, but more as a reference for now. I don’t intend to switch my primary job at the moment. Thanks to everyone who had to put up with me during this time.

Do you ever wonder if the world has ended and you just haven’t realized it yet?

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First, I hope everyone had a nice Easter weekend. I wish I had a sense of tradition for holidays. Not that my family doesn’t do holidays — we do. But I still don’t mind not having a celebration to attend or having family around. I’d much rather have my family around on a random Tuesday… we’d have dinner and talk late into the night about nothing in particular. I miss that.

“The man who doesn’t relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on.”
–Elbert Hubbard

I have a headache. I’ve had it for about a week now. It is worse when I am at work or thinking about work. When I am at home, not thinking about it, I hardly notice it. I am extremely frustrated with the direction of my job and can’t seem to find a solution at the moment. Maybe there is no solution, but I am certainly not happy. It all feels so petty when I have to analyze it. Somehow, the concerns that drive me to tears while I am at the store seem so trivial when I am not there.

These are my complaints:
•Those hierarchically above me feeling entitled to whatever they want.
•Those same people complaining about having to work certain shifts, knowing that I write the schedules.
•All questions and concerns about the way the schedule is written requiring an impromptu meeting.
•Full-time employees planning work around their social lives instead of the other way around.
•Having more work to do than I can finish and receiving no help when I need it, even after requesting it.
•Bending the rules because certain employees are more “valuable” than others.
•Not having an outlet for venting frustrations.
•The things I do affecting people’s lives and others not understanding that.
•Having a supervisor who gives orders rather than working with me to get everything done.

I love my job. I really do. I like being entrusted with responsibility and am honored to be the person who makes so many decisions about the store. I feel perfect for the job, as I tend to have more patience than most and I am trustworthy. I know that my job will never be done; not only do I have to complete the same tasks every two weeks, but I also want to learn new things all the time and challenge myself to grow as a part of the company. That is difficult at the moment though. I feel like I can barely catch up enough to just get by.

I wanted to be a writer. I still do. But I feel like that is slipping further and further away, as I am in a line of work that requires a lot of work all day. Much of what I do is mental work, but that is just as taxing and I end up exhausted and disinterested by the time I get home. To calm down and resume the love of things I forget to enjoy requires me to spend a few hours with David or Heather just so I can collect my thoughts. Is my job getting in the way of my goals? I don’t want to believe that it is, but I am obviously not doing what I love to do as a result of what I need to do to pay the bills. And it barely does that.

Where am I going with this? I don’t really know. I don’t have a solution, as I have said. I don’t know if relieving some of the stress will fix the problem or not. I need the money I earn from working, but I need my dreams to be realized. How can I have both?

[Did I take a break from this blog? Not exactly. I have been so stressed out that I have been unable to focus on anything. I have done a lot of sleeping. I have done a little crying. I have been at David’s and at Heather’s. I have been escaping from my life through events rather than through the computer. It may be a loophole, but I am still using it Travis. Plus, I’ve been updating & adding poetry pages.]Continue Reading