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25:
I am excited about turning 25 tomorrow!!! It will be a pretty easy day and I can forget being broke for another day… I am going to my parents house for the day. The menu for dinner is my favorites. Best of all, Conner and KC will be there all day. That can be a curse too though. I would like to discuss PFLAG with my mom while I am there. Friday, my friends and I are going dancing for my birthday… that will be a lot of fun. I really wish Justin could go, but I understand he has to work.

Robby:
I felt so bad about not being more… there. I really wanted to get to know him more, but I was so mentally drained that I just couldn’t do it. I think it was a poor idea to visit Robby at the end of the trip rather than at the beginning. I think he is a really cool person, but while I was in Austin I made the decision that I wanted someone closer to me. I know that contradicts what I had said before, but I know me. I don’t think I will give enough effort to a long distance thing. I also fear that Robby will think it is about things it is not about. Blah… there is no easy answer.

I had a really great time with all of Robby’s friends. They are a lot of fun and are such a presence! Alohi especially makes a statement… they were exactly the way they should’ve been… real, but with character.Continue Reading

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Vacation:
So exhausting!

Okay, God… Cut it out!:
On my drive down last Wednesday, I got stuck on my way through Dallas because of an incredible storm. It was some of the hardest rain I have seen and driving quickly became impossible. My drive ended up taking 10 hours which is about 3 more than it should have. I was so tired when I arrived at 3:00a.m. But there was no rest for the weary.

Moving the Lathams:
We were up and on our way early. Unfortunately, I was in a lot of pain, which I thought sounded too convenient so I said nothing for a while, hoping it would go away. It didn’t and I ended up trying to do as little as possible. I felt somewhat bad that everyone else was working harder than me, but my shoulder and back just wouldn’t let me do anything. I ended up sleeping for a while, but the day was a bust for me. I did manage to whack my shin, causing immediate swelling. It was so strange…

Day 2: Yes, it was a 2 day thing. Mostly a cleaning day, I really only felt slightly better. We worked, I slept, it took ALL DAY. I was so ready to not do anything… I am certain that I was starting to upset Travis so I tried to say as little as possible. I didn’t mean to be a nuisance. Oh well…

Frankie says…:
Saturday was one of the most wonderful days I have ever had in my life… Maybe it had to do with all the work we had done, but we all slept in did our own thing for a bit, and then spent the day shopping and grilling… not to mention getting drunk. It was so nice. There was even suggestions of streaking around the cul-de-sac. You don’t know us, but we are so not the type… just the mention was pretty wild. That sounds so sad. Hmm… maybe I should’ve just done it! What would it have hurt?

Bargains and Tats:
Sunday I woke up too early so ended up forcing myself to sleep and sleeping later than everyone. They all think I am so lazy… We went to lunch at a Mexican bakery and then went downtown for my tattoo. I stayed to keep my appointment while Travis, Conrad, and JD went to Costco. While there, JD and Conrad decided that they needed to get back, so I was alone for tattooing. It took a long time before I got in and then it took a good hour and a half for the tattoo itself. I am so happy with it and will post a pic if I can get one!

Robby:
I will write about Robby’s and Denton later. I was just so exhausted that I hope he doesn’t think I was being rude… I was really distant. It had been too much by that point.

Me:
I feel cute today.

Birthday:
As my birthday is now less than 2 days away, I completed a CD of my current favorite songs to give as gifts. Here is the track list:

1. Music Gets the Best Of Me (Flip ‘n Fill Remix) — Sophie Ellis Bextor
2. Comfortably Numb (Da Groove Club Mix) — Scissor Sisters
3. Impressive Instant (Intergalactic Solar Mix) — Madonna
4. Pornstar (Olav Basoski Remix) — Peplab
5. More Lemonade (Scissor Sisters Remix) — Bucci Bag
6. California Dreaming 2004 (Remix) — Benny Benassi
7. Senorita (Eddie Arroyo Radio Mix) — Justin Timberlake
8. I Love My Sex — Benny Benassi
9. Shock — In-Grid
10. Boom Boom Ba — Metisse
11. Paradise (Not For Me) (AO’s Live Drum-Dub-Apella G!H edit) — Madonna
12. Take Your Mama — Scissor Sisters
13. Amazing (Nikko’s Amazing Remix) — George Michael
14. Summer Jam (Benny Benassi Remix) — The Underdog Project
15. Sanctuary — Origene

I changed a few for a version to give my mom… not much different though. I think it is interesting that Impressive Instant has been in my top 5 or so for 4 years now!!! Music Gets the Best Of Me has been up there for a while too… about 2 years. The rest are fairly new…Continue Reading

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Home:
I’m home finally. I am totally wiped out, but thank God for Lori. This place looks great. I will have to write more later about the streaking and carrying the washer on my face. (I wasn’t the one streaking). Anyway, its so good to be back.Continue Reading

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Oh Yes, More Vacation:
I am going to try really hard to have a good time in Texas. I will be back Tuesday and my birthday is Thursday… 25!!! I hope to be in much better spirits and get more sleep… God, it’s been awful. I am not looking forward to moving Travis tomorrow, but then I can relax with my friends. They always make me feel better faster than anyone else.

Xanga:
Since Travis is moving, I won’t be able to post while I am gone. I don’t know how I will survive. When I get back I will read everyone’s sites — I haven’t done much of that lately. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I love all of you!

Lori:
I know you will have done too much before you stop yourself. I thank you, silly-butt. Keep your fingers crossed for A & Natalie. I will call if they are voted off… it’ll suck that bad! Holly really must goContinue Reading

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Stupidity:
Why do I keep doing this to myself? I told Robby that I have feelings for him, which was moronic! Now, I am sick because I am fully aware that there is no chance of anything happening. He just thinks of me as a friend. I thought that was enough at one point. I hate feeling like this. Blah. Somewhere there is somebody who will like me… I hope. People tell me that, but it is hard to believe it when I have never met anyone as interested in me as I am in them. I wish Robby wanted me.

Quote:
“You think that I’m strong. You’re wrong…” — Robbie Williams

Life:
It is just pretty crappy sometimes… this being one of those times. Unfortunately, I can’t escape it this time — the problem is me.

One and a Half Dead Bunnies:
It was fitting that this should be what I discovered on my porch today. I have no idea what got into Molly (my cat), but she was on some sort of killing spree today. I hate it sometimes, but it comes with having cats…

Robby:
I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I was so sick about him at Lori’s that I had to go in the other room and cry a number of times. And I just do not have that right. We are friends and I should be happy for him. Easier said, blah blah blah… Seriously, I bring way more drama than necessary to the table. I am a mess sometimes. (sorry about the drama, Robby…) I am not sure how to be less insane… it just feels wrong. And I really hate being this way! Blah. I almost called off my trip to Texas, but I shouldn’t be upset! I am really trying.Continue Reading

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Robby:
Maybe it was stupid, but I told him how I felt. I guess I should always keep my mouth open just in case I need to stick my foot in there!

God:
I want to thank everyone for the comments. In particular I would like to thank confess_or_explode for the opposing point of view. I do not claim to know everything, but I do know that it is important to respect the opinions of others. His was so well thought out… he is an amazing person. No offense intended whatsoever to him, but I think it just a little sad that people have to feel bad for who they are. For me and my belief (only), the notion of it’s okay to be, but not to act is horrible. It seems to tell someone that they can never be complete. I’d prefer not to upset anyone, least of all him, so I will just stop here. I do send him much love. God bless you all!Continue Reading

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Mom:
I just received an e-mail from my mom about living with your sins. While the point will not be lost, I will not be applying it to being gay. I just can’t since I don’t believe that this is wrong. She is trying though and I sent a very lengthy e-mail explaining how I feel about several issues, including my position on gays and Christianity and how I feel less loved than my straight brothers. It was kinda crazy, but oh well.

pathetic.org
I posted quite a bit on my poetry site last night! I am excited to be a part of it again.

Self:
I am officially lonely again. I just want someone to share my life with…

Robby:
He had been busy and I am neurotic!

Family:
E-mail I sent to my mom. Her response follows.

From: fuchsboi@***.net
Subject: Mom… a few thingsContinue Reading