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I’d like him to wear boots

(sometimes), thinking they are sexy.

If only for a moment, I should receive happiness. People seem happy when they are in love and I just go about my business pretending not to notice.

Shake me           Let’s go back to sleep in each other’s arms.
.                          Winter is long and too many cold night will keep happiness sounding like a foreign language, unless we never leave this place. Can you even hear me? Even this will one day feel like a distant memory. How lucky other people are, I think, watching your closed eyes dart back and forth. How lucky we are, I guess.

I want to feel taken (for granted).

Sexy, side sore, pierced with arrows;

nothing ever seems to heal,
least of all my
.             heart.

If beauty is on the inside, then rip me open & make love to my carcass. Everything is so random, so predetermined. Discard me, disregard me, ignore me until you need me.

I have secrets to whisper in your ear.

Brian Fuchs, “I’d like him to wear boots” from The Theoretical Tiger Society (Scissortail Press, 2021)

Written 13 March 2008 in Anchorage, Alaska

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I’ve still got a horrible cold. I’m on the non-stop coughing stage, which makes me sound like a “demon frog” according to a coworker. I’ve spent far too much money on medicine that seems to have done nothing, although it did allow me to work for more than a week.

As I wasn’t in the mood for much else, I spent my sick days watching the three seasons of Boston Legal that are on DVD. It is such an addictive show, but knowing that there is no more for a while, I can move on and find something else to occupy my time.

Most of the paper I had ordered has now arrived and I need to really start in on my scrapbooks if it is not to seem wasteful to have purchased the supplies. I am waiting for copies of photos from my parents for a lot of my pages, but I can certainly do some things with photos of my friends here (if they will get me some).

I have not started back up at the gym. I can’t really go while I am sick, so I will just have to go as soon as I can, which hopefullly is this week, but we will see. I really miss it right now.Continue Reading

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Leap Day has been a very good day for me. It seems that my life took the rare opportunity to leap forward into something new.

I received a job offer today. I have accepted it. Unfortunately, I will be making less money than I have in 2 years. I have decided that it is worth it. Although making less money is hardly a step forward in my career plans, doing something I love makes the cut in pay less of an issue. I am looking forward to starting this part of my life.

I’ve spent the day rather sick, popping DayQuil every chance I get and watching countless hours of Charmed & Boston Legal. I’ve downloaded several amazing songs that I discovered while on vacation and got a Costco membership. So, it has been a rather low-key day, but one of the best I’ve had in Alaska in a long time.

My vacation was also among the best of my life. It was low-key as well, but really gave me pause and forced an examination of where my life is now. Life is good. I can certainly elaborate soon, but for now I will go watch a little more Boston Legal.

I hope everyone had an amazing Leap Day.

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I am on my way home for a visit. I leave tonight and will be in Oklahoma Monday. I have some stuff to do in Dallas over the weekend. Please, call me if you want to do something. I would love to see everyone I can. I can run to Tulsa anytime. If you don’t have my number, you can leave me a comment and I will contact you as soon as I can.

Hugs to all!

Photo of my cast during first grade (due to having Legg-Calvé-Perthes)

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I am really into chandeliers recently. I can’t decide if they are overly ornate or just beautiful. I suppose I don’t really need a reason to like something, but some things feel like they need to be defended. Chandeliers are one of those things.

I should clarify that it isn’t all of them that I enjoy. I seem to only love those dripping with crystals and scroll after scroll of iron. They need to be heavily ornamented and richly detailed to catch my eye, but there can’t be a bit of practicality in their design. The recent resurgence of traditional design in chandeliers has been a welcome relief from the recent decades of horrid lighting pieces. The brass & glass monstrosities that earned a place in some of the nicest homes of the 70s and 80s are painful to look at and the shaded country cousin of the real thing is only marginally better.

If you’d asked me a few years ago, I would never have thought that I could love such a thing as a chandelier. Perhaps it is the fact that despite its hugeness, the chandelier transcends social boundaries. They seem as welcome in the dusty homes of the famously wealthy as they do in run down apartments of struggling, albeit stylish, artists. They appeal to the nouveau riche and to those just trying to make ends meet.

And maybe, I like them just because they are deliciously tacky.

Great chandeliers to check out:
http://www.insideavenue.com/89500.html
http://www.insideavenue.com/kechbyar.html
http://www.insideavenue.com/89551.html
http://www.insideavenue.com/cachbyar.html
http://www.insideavenue.com/trchbycuco.html

I tried to make chandeliers my theme for this past Christmas. Unfortunately, finding chandelier items was rather difficult. As soon as Christmas had ended, we received a lot of chandelier themed items at work. Hopefully, my love can last until next year, when I will be all set. If you like things that are a little extravagant and a bit tacky, check out Michaels.Continue Reading

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{get that sheep out of my mouth}

It was January 2007 when a traumatic experience during a Greek pizza resulted in the eradication of meat from my diet. I don’t crave it. Making the decision to not ingest animals was one of the most positive things I’ve done in my life. Although I still maintain that this is what works for me and is by no means the right thing for everyone, I think the control it has given me over my own life is very rewarding. I no longer feel guilty for enjoying a meal. The lack of meat in my diet — and dairy (in December 2006 I stopped digesting milk, as often happens) — has lead me in various culinary directions. I have discovered a world of soy foods and have embraced Indian food greatly. I’ve found that when I am forced to read every label before buying food, I often no longer want to eat things that are completely meat-free. Not eating such things is better. Going forward, I hope to eat even healthier foods.

{nomadic life}

Relying on the generosity of relatives I hardly know, I was able to stay in Alaska and get back in the black financially. That time came to an end, when I was ushered out of the apartment I was living in. This is hardly a tragedy. I hated that place and my life there was lonely. My family next door seemed as far away as the one’s I speak to regularly and people rarely visited. Last winter, there was no heat until mid-January, making it unbearably cold. I was more than happy to leave. I did not have anywhere to go and David took me in, allowing me to stay until mid November. At this point, I got my fourth Alaska address in two years, more than I had in seven years in Tulsa. I am living in David’s old place and it really suits me. It is small, but not confining. Although I know I will have to move in another year, I will enjoy my life here while I can.Continue Reading