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I have found myself homeless… or about to be homeless. I am really apprehensive about it for a number of very real reasons.

I will be living on David’s couch. He is moving into a one bedroom house. It is very small. He has also recently acquired a dog — a husky. She is a sweet thing and took to me right away. My issue is that I have two cats. I don’t want them to be harmed and I fear that Joda could easily kill them. David was rather blasé about it, remarking that they should be fine as long as they stay away from her food and they would have the entire downstairs to themselves. I would be devestated if Joda harmed them.

It is true, the basement is huge and the cats will love it down there, but in their 6 years of life, they have always had me to sleep on or near. They are very social cats and don’t like to hide. I’m not sure how I feel about disrupting them for so long. I need to have my babies around me… they are my family. I appreciate David’s willingness to take us in, but I wish he would take that part into consideration a little bit more than he has. (He got the dog AFTER confirming that I was moving in) I have decided to try and have some sort of set up so I can hang out downstairs a litte, but it will get quite cold down there. It is officially too late to find somewhere else to live and I don’t know anyone who could take them in for a few months.

I will not have anything at David’s and I won’t have space to myself. I am the type of person that needs to be alone sometimes. I won’t have that. I need to have some of my things around. I won’t have that. I need to feel comfortable in my home. I won’t have that.

I plan on getting a place no later than December 1. I need the time at David’s to save up for moving into a place of my own. I am just worried. I hope it all goes really well and I really hope the animals can be socialized to live with one another.

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there is a lot of drama and a lot of packing going on right now. i am super busy. i only have until the end of the month to get my stuff packed and moved… have i mentioned that i hate packing? not only am i moving, but i will essentially be homeless, living on David’s sofa for a few months. i am looking forward to it! 🙂

i found my journal from my trip to france 11 years ago. i am considering putting it on here.. or at least parts of it. i was such a dork back then.Continue Reading

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When I think about my friends, I tend to define them in the way episodes of the show Friends were titled. There is the one who reads too much, the one who works too much, the one who is handy, the one who is always kidding, the one I kissed, the one who moved, the one who ran, the one who made me come out when it wasn’t time, the one who writes, & the one who is always growing up. There are others and they are always defined in this way to me. Then there is me. For whatever reason, I am always the one who cannot have a bad day. I don’t like that about myself most of the time, but I am usually able to just accept it and move on.

Regardless of what my emotional state is, I am never as bad off as my friends. Currently, I am feeling rather lonely and sad — I would love for my 2 closest friends to be around, even if only here and there. However, both of them are having issues of their own. Both of them have more reason to be emotionally distant than I do to be emotionally needy. But this is the pattern of my life. If I am down, someone else is more down. If I feel lost, someone else needs my help finding their way.

I’ll get through it. I’ll be fine in the end. But I won’t have managed with much help from my friends. I know they care… they really do, but they can’t always be there. I hope that this is how I grow. It feels sad to grow without those around to comfort me when I am gloomy. Maybe it is. But I don’t really get a choice most of the time.

I’m not really fishing for comfort on here either. I know you are all supportive. I just needed to share because I can’t get my way right now. My friends don’t have time for me right now (or they want to be left alone or they have other issues going on). I’m not indicating that I blame them for having lives of their own either. My feelings are not their fault. But I am frustrated and those who read this get to deal with it now.

Thanks for listening to me whine.

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28 feels old. And it doesn’t help to realize that I am now living each of the days for the 29th time. It is not upsetting, but just interesting.

For my birthday, we went to The Moose’s Tooth for dinner. Grant, David, Jake, & Heather showed up. It was nice to be around people I care about. Craig & Heather came over to my place after dinner. I would like to spend more time with Craig. He is a lot of fun. It was a very low key day… nice. I wish David had been around a little more, but it was still nice.

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I feel like I need a new job, but I am rather enjoying my part-time freedom. I don’t want it to last too long though. I guess I will try to find something soon… and if not full-time then at least another part-time job. More money would certainly be nice for paying bills.

Meanwhile, I have been overly dramatic with my friends lately. I don’t know if I am trying to push them away or what I mean by it all. It has to be frustrating for them though. The biggest problem with keeping a small number of really close friends is that when blow ups happen (and they do), they are bigger and there aren’t necessarily any friends left to talk to about it.

I got batteries for my camera. I will get pics of the wall art. It looks great. I could have saved myself a lot of stress by doing it right the first time (Grant, thanks for getting that in my head all the time).

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So, I have been really quite busy since I returned from my vacation. I have been keeping David Eugene company while he works on moving himself & his landlord, working on my own house, researching some stuff for Mr. Alley (David), and working both jobs. Since they gave me a promotion at Michaels, I have more of a set schedule, but also more hours each week. The money will be nice; I am still adjusting to the time. Plus, David is directly above me, which is fine, but it is weird. Borders is going fine too. I don’t think that I necessarily care more after time off, but I have time to gain perspective on issues I have been thinking about and give myself the time to create a plan. This vacation was no different. I have plans for Borders and I intend to make my section (the office) better than it has been in a long time.

I have been tired. When I have a spare moment, I sleep. I’m really glad I am busier though. Being out in the world more is very good for me. I am looking forward to adding TV night to my calendar again… that is with a couple of people from work. I enjoy spending time with them and it has been too long.

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“No man needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one.”
–Elbert Hubbard

Vacation. It is going pretty well. I have managed to irritate, aggravate, or annoy more people in less time than my previous visit. It feels like an accomplishment. It shouldn’t. I really didn’t mean to be the source of any problems. I’ve enjoyed seeing everyone. However, being stuck at my parents’ finally got to me. It all started when I arrived on Tuesday.

I left Anchorage after a very long day Monday. I had worked at Borders from 7-3:30 and at Michaels from 5-10. The flight was to leave at 12:30, but of course I was at the airport by 10:45. It was far too early, but I didn’t want to fall asleep until I was on the plane. And we had a full flight, of course. I slept the entire way to Seattle. The layover was too short to sleep there. I slept on the way to Denver. I was fairly awake, but cranky in Denver. I ate nachos, contemplated changing, and generally didn’t want to be there. I feared that I would not be able to sleep on the way from Denver to Tulsa, but luckily, I dozed off well, even though I was sitting between two people.

When I arrived, it was nice to have Brad waiting for me at the airport. We gathered my bags and made a couple stops. I wanted to go by Barnes & Noble and Hot Topic (my barbell in my tongue was stripped). After that, I was really sleepy and slept on the hour trip to Stillwater. It was nice to hang out with Brad. We got in, went to pick up Conner (my nephew), and came back to my parents’ house. It was pretty late and there wasn’t much left to do. So, I slept. And well.

Wednesday & Thursday were both spent stuck at my parents’ house. I liked the people there: Dad, Conner, & Jason, but I was feeling rather trapped. I just wanted to be able to drive away for a little while, but I couldn’t. Mom’s brakes had gone out, so her car was not drivable. I spent most of Friday sleeping. My reunion registration was at 5 and mom arrived in time for me to borrow my grandpa’s car (which she had been driving all week) and get in to register. My brother arrived just as I did, which was an odd coincidence. We talked to Andrea for a bit and then drove around until we needed to be at Mexico Joe’s at 8 for the reunion. First, we stopped at Wal-Mart to get me a shirt.

My class reunion was weird — good weird. I was a bit of a loner in school. I knew everyone and I am sure they all knew me, but I wasn’t exactly friends with them. I have always felt connected to these people though. I know that I will be the one who attends the reunions everytime and grows to be more fond of these people as the years go by. And why didn’t I take the time to get to know them back then? Of course, the same ones who annoyed me in high school annoyed me at the reunion. And everyone had kids… or so it seemed. Overall, it was a good experience. I talked to only a few people, but really felt like I was part of a group… one I couldn’t get kicked out of, even if they didn’t really care for me. That was oddly comforting. What made the whole thing even better is having family there. Since Brent & I were in the same class — and therefore graduated together — he and Laurisa were there for me to hang out with. They’ve always been the types that have a lot more casual friends, whereas I always had a few very close friends. Speaking of, Travis was there. Unfortunately, a family emergency kept him from attending the family fun day on Saturday.

The family fun day was interesting. I initially didn’t want to go, but Brent insisted. It was fun to see all the kids. And it was fun to spend time with my neices, KC & Avery. They are a lot of fun to be around. What I will always remember is that I was poorly dressed, due to the mud at my parents’ house. Ick.

Sadly, we’ve already lost 4 classmates and 2 teachers. I don’t know the details of all of the deaths, but it really made me stop and think. 4 out of 402 is really quite a lot. I only really knew 1 of the students and 1 of the teachers.

Thank you David & Heather for letting me complain to you.

Updates: updated brian’s body: an exploration; updated a few links; removed a few images from Threadless Shirts page.
Activities: hung out with Mom & Dad; drove to Brent & Laurisa’s with Annie
Food: potato wedges & ketchup, split pea soup, toast with olive oil spread, potato salad, tortilla chips, Krispy Kreme mini crullers, 3+ Diet Cokes, 3 bottles of white and/or green tea. (it sounds like a lot, but I had just a little of all of this stuff)Continue Reading