If anyone has a clue as to how I should do my circuit training at the gym, let me know. I am currently doing 2 sets of 12 reps on every machine (broken up by a 10 minute aerobic workout between)… to get used to working out and using the muscles. I’m not sure if reps are more important or if I should spend a certain amount of time on each machine. It is all so foreign to me.
Okay, I admit that it is unwise to eat things that you know will cause some sort of allergic reaction. It boils down to common sense. Why would you knowingly ingest something that will cause your tongue or neck to swell. But that is the game I have been playing. I have come to the conclusion that I have a slight allergy to sunflower nuts. To test my theory, I have been continuing to eat sunflower nuts & things made with sunflower oil to see what sort of reaction I might have. If you are interested, the nuts seem to cause my tongue to swell, the oil seems to cause my neck to swell. It is all very curious. It is also entirely possible that I am reacting to something other than sunflowers. I’d have to be willing to go to the doctor to come to any real conclusion about my health. Paying for insurance is one thing, actually finding a physician and making appointments is quite another. I also have this quirky notion that I want a female doctor. I’m not sure why that is exactly and maybe it is just best to not delve into that.
I have been thinking about the direction of this site since I restarted it back in March. I think it is only natural for it to evolve, but it lacks a clear purpose. Maybe that is best, but I would like a bit of structure. Watch for changes soon. I doubt anything drastic will be altered, but a few minor details will. I’d like to get others reading this soon. {that isn’t to say I don’t love y’all who do read this — you’re my favorite people!}Continue Reading
Life can really slap you in the face sometimes. I got a gentle reminder that I am not in control on Monday. My brother called me at work; I knew something was wrong, since he had never called me at work before. “Don’t freak out,” he said, “but Dad had another heart attack. He is fine; they flew him to Mercy Hospital in [Oklahoma] City.”
Don’t freak out? Is it ever possible to not freak out when you are told not to freak out? Of course, the first thing I thought of is that I hope Mom doesn’t reach for a bottle. That just wouldn’t help anything, but knew that it was a strong possibility. Brent gave me all the information he had and told me that he would keep me posted. I was pretty much useless the rest of the day at work.
When I got home, I called Brent. Everything seemed to have gone smoothly. The heart attack started around 1:00 p.m. & by 3:45 p.m. they had finished putting in a stent at a hospital 60 miles away. My dad had wanted to play a joke on my mom at the hospital. He wanted the nurse to get him a toe tag and pull the sheet up over his head for her arrival. She would not have been amused, so I am thankful that the nurse refused. I do, however, find it funny myself.
I finally talked to him that evening. He sounded fine & had plenty of energy. What scares me is that it was a massive attack and his doctor said he was lucky to have gone to the hospital when he did; he might not have survived otherwise. I am not ready at all for something like that to happen. Not only can I not imagine losing one of my parents, but mine are both great friends and people I would want to know even if I wasn’t related to them. They are good people, wonderfully naïve about the indecencies in the world. Wholesome.
It has really made me think though. I guess this is a typical reaction — the assessment of the family bond and the closeness to those who just went through whatever ordeal. “Why?” has never been important to me. I really don’t care “why” events occur. My dad’s heart attack is no exception to that. It really doesn’t matter, what matters is “how do we keep it from happening again?” The doctor informed him, as doctors will do, that he needs to quit smoking. But in this case, he has a point… a strong one. The heart attack, in all of its ferocity, was brought on almost entirely because of smoking. Dad spends long hours working outside and is in excellent health in many respects. However, he does tend to cough a lot (more and more recently, I’ve noticed). I guess it is time to stop, if he can. And I hope sincerely that he can. He is too important to too many people.
Any blessings from this? Maybe. My brothers both have a tendancy to drop their kids off with my parents. I understand this. They have to make ends meet and you do what you can to struggle through with a young family. I get it. But Mom & Dad have both been pretty exhausted with it all lately. They’ve needed a break. Mom’s back needs some time & Dad just needs some time off for his mental health. Now, it seems they will get a little break. It is unfortunate that it had to happen in this way though.
And as if that wasn’t enough, Bradley is facing the end of his marriage. It has been coming for some time. When they first got married, Jess was great. I still think she is a good person and fun to be around. But she and Brad, who enjoyed a weirdly romantic & tumultuous relationship, have drifted apart rather calmly.
This would all be much ado about nothing if it wasn’t for the two kids. Brad & Jess have two boys, who are being used, as happens so often, to cause Brad more pain. He is repetedly denied seeing his boys by Jess, who has decided to move in with her mother, who is in the midst of mourning her husband, and who until very recently had nothing to do with the kids. Even now, her version of watching them is to take them to the neighbor’s house and have her watch them.
It angers me.
Bradley has a strong case for custody of those two boys, but I am afraid he will never try to make it, as he clings to hope that the marriage will survive. I just wish there was a better solution to the entire situation… that I would have confidence that I will know my nephews as they grow up. I am not so sure.
The boat has been rocked. We are in a cosmic reality show and all the viewers are waiting to see what we will do next. It is a great cliffhanger to the end of this season, but the choices we make in the near future could dictate entire decades of our lives.Continue Reading
My Legs Strike Again:
Saturday, while I was working, I began having pain in my legs. It eventually got to the point that I couldn’t really walk and I was forced to sit for a couple of hours at my desk doing work that, while needed to be done, was not as much fun as working on the floor on a Saturday afternoon. It was a little better for the last 15 minutes of my shift when I returned to the floor. Having taken pain reliever (which I never do), I was tired and went home to sleep off whatever the problem was.
Jess called and woke me up after a while and we went searching for Heather & Jake. We didn’t find them and ended up at The Raven, a neighborhood gay bar, unfortunately known for drugs. I was in the mood for a bit of filth. I actually enjoyed myself, as it was quiet and practically empty. We talked and left messages on Heather’s machine.
Finally, we ended up at Heather’s, where we ordered pizza and watched Wayne’s World 2 (of all things). It was a great time and a lot of skin was exposed! Jess’ underwear was exposed — and bills were inserted into the sides. Jake bore his chest and pressed it against the window to the porch in a random moment of exhibitionism. It was fun and made me very happy to be here in Alaska with people I enjoy.
Sunday morning, I woke up in pain. My legs had not only gotten worse, but my entire body was sore. It was weird, like a burning sensation just under the skin, but not muscle. I called out and slept all day. I didn’t feel like standing up until 6:00 a.m. Monday morning. By that time, the pain was gone. Nearly as quickly as it had started, it was gone.
Del Marquis:
I was thrilled to discover music by Del on his MySpace account. He is awesome and it was great to hear his music independantly of Scissor Sisters. Don’t get me wrong, SS still makes me tear up, but it was nice to hear 
the difference.
Pier 1:
I know it will get better, but I am still plagued with longing for David. It is just something to get over, I guess. I wish him well and I know that this was not about me. I am such a fantastic person that anyone would be lucky to have me.Continue Reading
I have discovered an entirely new world here in Alaska. Health is much more important to people here and there is evidence of that in the vast natural food sections in stores. Not just a single aisle, or single side of an aisle, these sections are serious portions of the store, taking 5-6 full aisles plus a refrigerated case. I see myself making the food choices I prefer.
I have never been one to enjoy “junk food,” but it is so convenient and easy, not to mention cheap. But with the abundance of healthy choices, enormous vegetables, and stores that encourage natural foods, I know I will be moving towards that way of life.
(25 September 2023 Note: Oh, the irony of this post! I remember this so clearly and I understand what I was feeling now. I was so offended that how I was living might be wrong that I didn’t want to hear about it. I had no evidence behind the claims I made in this post. None. I just wanted them to be true in the way so many want them to be true. It’s interesting how much I have changed.)
So, I have been in Alaska for two weeks! Considering I have spent the past 4 days mostly sick in bed, I have not found a job yet. I did get the paper this morning and it should be helpful as I am starting to get over my cold.
I’ve also gone for a change of scenery. I loved staying with Peter Ann, despite not enjoying her house or location, but this new leg of my trip should prove just as wonderful. I am staying on a lake near Wasilla, AK with 2 cats, 2.5 dogs, and a woman who turned 86 yesterday. The whole lot of them are nice. The .5 dog is actually a neighbors dog who usually sleeps here. It all seems relatively normal. It is not!
I am staying with friends of my dad again, Delisa & Charlie. That wasn’t Delisa’s original first name and they both took a new last name. That is great, I think. In a way. I like the idea of creating an identity for a marriage — unifying yourselves with a common new name. Perhaps I would have placed my former last name in as a second middle and I would not have changed my first, but all the same it is sweet. That isn’t even weird.
What I have found weird is the almost militant veganism they subscribe to. It is somewhat subtle, but borders on bitter and nasty. I attended the first meeting (potluck) of the Alaska Vegetarian Society as a guest last night. In and of itself, the dinner was nice and the people were so friendly. It was one of the happiest places on Earth. But I found that an underlying theme in the evening was how wasteful the planet is and how cruel we are to the “very intelligent” livestock we eat on a regular basis. I absolutely appreciate the argument, but I don’t agree. Mind you, I fully support vegetarianism for its many benefits, but this type of over-the-top veganism doesn’t sit well with me.
And I have a new found dislike of PETA. I had never felt one way or another about them, but seeing the pamphlets they distribute made me cautious in listening to them. Not so much fact, as careful crafted sentiment designed to make you feel like a horrible person for having ever in your life considered eating chicken, turkey, eggs, and the like. It didn’t really work on me. And then to say that fish experience emotions like love and fear — that isn’t even based in reality. We have no proof that fish experience emotions at all. The moment I stopped being involved was when I was told that only 5% of our diet needs to be protein, all of which can come from plants. What we need is carbohydrates. Again, I appreciate the idea behind it, but I don’t necessarily agree. And neither do nutritionists around the world.
I think it was a valuable experience for me. I think I understand this way of thinking a little more clearly and know I want to basically stay away from it. As a friend recently said to me, Jesus ate fish, so that can’t be wrong.Continue Reading
…
I should be sleeping, but I find myself up thinking about getting old, or maybe just death. I am a little blue, but I know that I am not alone. I so desperately wish I could be alone in this sometimes. A friend e-mailed me the other day to tell me that his paternal grandpa and his maternal grandma are both in poor health. Very poor. It breaks my heart that he is dealing with the things I have struggled with. Honestly, this friend has had more than his fair share of struggles in his life. I want to give him a big hug.
Papa isn’t doing that well… it makes me feel guilty and sad. I am not sure I could handle anything happening to him right now. It would tear me up. He has back problems, which are not serious, but he has started feeling old, which is worse.
When John died, I has hoped that I would never deal with death again, knowing that was stupid… I just don’t know what I have left. I already do a great deal of pushing people away. More abandonment might cause a great break down. It isn’t fair. It isn’t right. I know that Papa isn’t doing that well, so I have visited less. It doesn’t help that the house makes me sad because Mimi should be there. Age is such a cruel joke. If you can make it through this life, you will be rewarded with death. How much sense does that make. I wish we didn’t get old – I don’t necessarily mind aging per se, but I don’t want people to die.
I hope Travis understands how much I love him and I will keep his family in my thoughts and prayers. I have so many thoughts in my head, but I am so tired that I will have to come back to them when I am not fighting with my sleep.Continue Reading
