Blog Posts
The Gay Monkey, The Rock Star, & The Demise of Cloves
I am not the person I was when this year began. My life has shifted in different ways, ultimately resulting in this transformed Brian that exists today. I really like being the new Brian, even if the old one is missed from time to time.
{david eugene & the demise of cloves}
I started hanging out with David last December. I had met him when he worked in the cafe at Borders over the summer and was instantly a fan. When he mysteriously left the store, I became obsessed with what turned out to be the memory of someone I didn’t even know well. In an act of silly desperation, I confessed my love for him. My confession was ignored and all future attempts to discuss it have been rejected. That was a great blessing; over the past year I have had one of the best friendships with David. He is often crazy, sometimes reclusive, but always there when I need him. When I was about to find myself homeless in September, it was David who immediately offered a place to stay. When I needed to get a new place of my own, it was David who hooked me up with a great deal on an apartment. When David decided to quit smoking a year ago, I also gave it up in support of his decision. He is still quitting. 2007 is defined mostly as the year of David to me.
{heather, the gay monkey, the rock star, and the world}
Oh, Heather. 2007 has not seemed like her year, but maybe it really has been. Heather’s boyfriend moved back to town halfway through the year. Previously, he had been in town 10 days per month. I think they both felt that they wanted that to happen; however, as their lives had progressed over time, neither knew what to do with one another being around so often. What seemed like a sudden burst of elation quickly fizzled and the two parted. It was a really sad time, as I liked both of them as individuals. But this is not a story with a sad ending. This freed Heather to pursue another option, the greatly more suitable John. Those two make so much more sense than I could have imagined. I miss my Heather, but I’m glad she is happy now. Heather also got a new place to live out of the break-up — well, okay, she was semi-forced to move.
Dark
It is December 20th, the shortest day of the year. In places like Fairbanks and Barrow, this is a much bigger deal than it is here in Anchorage, but our days are short enough. The sun will rise at 10:14 and will set at 3:42. To make matters darker, today will be a cloudy day. And actually, that is quite alright with me. Clouds mean warmer air — relief from the negative numbers is far more important to me at the moment than relief from the darkness. As I write this, it is -8° outside. That is the lowest I recall so far this year, but it has hardly been much warmer for several days.
I finished Winkie . It was excellent to the very end. I think I convince myself to not read books because I am rarely satisfied the ending of them. It isn’t the endings themselves, but a realization that I am never going to know what happens to these characters next. Winkie was no different. I will get over it and over the next week, I will realize how much I enjoyed the book. Go pick up a copy; it is well worth your time. Next on my list was to be The World Without Us, but I finished before I had a chance to purchase the new book. I will move on to Holidays On Ice.Continue Reading
Winkie by Clifford Chase
Trapped Inside
“A particular bear sees a particular this.” — Clifford Chase
I’ve been reading Winkie, the tale of a teddy bear who is alive. This could easily be a silly childish story, but instead it is haunting and almost sad. I am finding myself identifying with the bear oddly, even though I can’t begin to relate. He is unable to interact with those around him, but feels pain and acts as a witness while the various children who own him grow up. The many years Winkie spends feeling unloved are heartbreaking and I just want to reach out and give him a hug, which can apparently solve all of his problems. Currently, he has just “lost” his last owner, Cliff. Cliff was the second of the six owners to name him, changing him from Marie to Winkie. Somehow the new name connected with his soul and he felt that Winkie is who he had always been. Cliff is older now and hardly pays attention to Winkie. The poor bear, sitting on a shelf, longs to be hugged or touched or talked to or looked at, but he knows that the time has come when he won’t have any other children to love him.
It is exciting to see where this story will go, given the events at the begining of the book (the present). The story opens with Winkie lying in a cabin, emotionally drained and lost. The cabin is surrounded by police searching for a terrorist bomber suspected to live there. Winkie, able to walk and talk, does as he is told and exits the building with his little paws up. After a lot of commotion and commands, shots are fired, one of which strikes Winkie, knocking him to the ground.
At the hospital, the doctors and nurses, sworn to do their jobs, play at reviving the stuffed bear, using all the equipment they can. Winkie refuses to speak to any of them and there is an assumption that he is a female. One nurse, who sneaks in to sew up his wounds, can tell otherwise. Françoise and Winkie enjoy time together, but he never speaks to her either. After waking up his guard, she is arrested in connection with the terrorist attacks because she is Egyptian. Despite her U.S. citizenship, she is linked based on her previous country’s supposed ideals.
Winkie is finally in prison in the story. He was sent to a women’s prison at first, but after Françoise is sent to the same block as he, Winkie is sent to a men’s prison and charged with impersonating a woman. All of this seems quite silly, but I hope it is leading somewhere. Winkie faces so many charges that it took the judge five hours and fourteen minutes to read them all. Among them are one hundred twenty four counts of attempted murder, treason, conspiring to overthrow the United States government, and teaching evolution in schools.
This is an excellent read and I highly recommend it. I will keep you posted on my progress.Continue Reading
Bitter Greens
I am tired. I am really tired. I need a break from work. One day at a time doesn’t really seem to work any longer. It’ll get better soon; the stupid people will go back into hiding, their cheap Christmas presents making them happy for another year. And my work life can get more sane in their absence.
Okay, that was a little judgemental of me. As I have said before, I like most people as individuals, but I cannot stand people in general. They just irritate me. I think that is why I would like to own my own smaller business. Dealing with fewer people at a time would be nice. I’m also interested in working at a bookstore again. Not to overly stereotype, but the type of customer that shops for books is just somehow better than the type shopping for $1 kids crafts and clearance home decor that they are sure they can haggle down the price of.
I have a few ideas for my other website. I like the idea of a green website, with contributions from various friends. It would include home improvement ideas, book reviews, product reviews, recycling & reusing ideas, etc. I would hardly want a “tree-hugger” site, but I think it would be nice to share thoughts about how to live a little bit more green.
I also like the idea of just a book review site. It might not be groundbreaking, but would be a fun way to pool thought on various types of books.
Whatever I do with it, I would like to have a number of contributors, from several different places.Continue Reading
Thoughts After A Boring Day
I’m feeling a little blah. I don’t think there is any reason for it actually. As soon as I get some batteries for my camera, I will post some pics of my new place. I’ve spent a lot of time working on making it feel like home. I’m still a little lonely here and I’ve been quite tired because of the lack of light, but I think things are really improving. I’ll stop whining about it again.
I finished another great book. The Pirates! In An Adventure with Ahab by Gideon Defoe was just as hilarious as his first book, The Pirates! In An Adventure with Scientists. Read them; they are awesome.
Every time I start to doubt people, they surprise me. I have terrific friends.
I want a boyfriend.Continue Reading
Brendan Wolf by Brian Malloy
Alexander Supertramp
I finally finished reading Brendan Wolf by Brian Malloy. I didn’t throw it across the breakroom like I wanted to either. It frustrated me, but the events that upset me were ones that were obvious from the beginning. I think it was worth my investing in the lives of these characters though.
Throughout the book there are references to Alexander Supertramp, the name Christopher McCandless gave himself while traveling around the country. Alexander Supertramp died in Denali of starvation in 1992.
Brendan Wolf has assumed this name and his real name isn’t revealed until the end of the book. He is hopelessly obsessed with Alexander and the books Alexander loved. He reads them — devours them — over and over.
The plot of the book is a scheme hatched up by his brother and sister-in-law. The plan is to steal money from a donation truck during the March For the Unborn, an anti-abortion rally. Brendan has to become a trusted member of the group in charge of the rally, Babies First, and get a spot as a driver during the rally. Meanwhile, his personal life has started to get in the way. He ends up living with Marv, an older man who Brendan has refused to sleep with, but who had a stroke during an argument about a living arangement. Brendan feels guilty and takes care of Marv when he is released to his home. He is also falling in love with Sean, a hopeless romantic who only knows Brendan by the name Pierre Bezukhov.
This is an amusing read, but one that begs for a sequel. I want to know more about these characters.Continue Reading
November & I’m Alone Again
I live alone again. I’m trying to be okay with that and think I am coming to terms with it. David was right. This is better for both of us, but that isn’t the point. I miss him. I miss Jo-da. I miss the sounds of another person in the house. But everything will be fine.
I moved into David’s old apartment. It is a large space and suits me well. The neighborhood is a bit too quiet, but the neighbors aren’t overly inquisitive, which is nice. I hate feeling watched.
Work has been irritating. It has seemed much busier than it has been and I feel like I am constantly behind. Welcome to the holiday shopping season!
Heather got moved too. I feel bad for abandoning her and finding my own place, but she has been really nice about it. That almost makes me feel worse about it though. She has found a place to stay — with some of my favorite people in Anchorage. Things are going to work out for her.
Life feels right at the moment. I’m really trying to stay in the moment and not focus too much in either direction — past or future. Being as here as I can be is good. Being happy with myself is my only goal and I am getting there… slowly, but surely.
I really miss my family right now. The next few months will be rough without a visit. And I need to call Brandy, who came to visit me and has yet to hear from me. I have too much to do.
I haven’t found my France journal yet. I was in the middle of putting it on here and misplaced it during my move to David’s. I will try to locate that this week and resume writing about my experiences. I wanted to be done with that by the end of this year.
If anyone has any great ideas for what I could do with my other website, let me know.Continue Reading