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2004:
It is nearly over. I have survived, but I feel like just barely. The past couple of weeks have been so stressful and exhausting. I feel like I haven’t had any time to myself. Because I haven’t. I blog when I am alone and off work. It is my release, my sanctuary. But there has been none. It is done. Christmas behind us, we will be settling back into the day to day routine soon. I look forward to that time. It is funny how the times I so enjoyed as a child are the very ones that stress me out and I hate as an adult.

Belated:
I really must wish a happy birthday to a few people. I missed the actual days, and I am sorry for that. Conner and Nick both had birthdays on the 20th, Sandra on the 22nd, Jesus on the 25th… hmm. I know there were some others. I can’t think what they were. Hmm.

Now that things have settled and the “holidays” are over, I will write more this week.Continue Reading

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Sleep:
Once again, my sleep is a little screwy. I would blame it on my being sick, but that is almost over and really has little to do with it in my estimation. I think it is entirely caused by my own foolishness. When one is tired, one should go to sleep. This one, however, doesn’t always do that. It is okay, but I just don’t want my sleep pattern to interfere with work… and somehow it always does. I really need to stop complaining about this. If nothing is changing I will just have to accept it.

Shopping:
My parents came over for some shopping today. I really enjoyed it, even if it did seem to be a little pointless. They picked up very little. I do have some ideas of what to get them though. We all went to Cracker Barrel after, as it is somewhere they can’t go in Stillwater. Then a quick trip to Nam-Hai, Hancock, and they returned home. I miss that. They used to come over all the time. Now I just feel like I am the son who hasn’t brought them the joy of grandchildren… which just makes me feel like a failure in life. I really wish that things were different sometimes and that I had the opportunity to have children of my own. I love my neice and nephews, but that isn’t the same. They also had KC with them, my neice. She is fun and very good natured. God, I want a family… and yes, I want a husband.

When they left, I went to Target to find a gift for my secret Santa person at work. I had picked up one thing because it was a good deal, but then I found the exact perfect thing I was looking for. I got that instead. I really think it will be a hit! I also got a small something for Lori, some gift bags, a gift for a girl at work I didn’t really want to buy for (but it was perfect), and some additional cards. I showed amazing restraint and put back the three items that I would never have used (2 clearance bags & an empty tin). I enjoyed the day, but it was exhausting. I stopped by Lori’s, watched last half of CSI, all of Without A Trace, and fell asleep sometime during the 10 o’clock news.

Work:
Work has been insanity lately. Such is the nature, yadda yadda yadda… I do of course work in retail. This weekend look like it will be a blast!!! We have a great crew Friday and Saturday, and then the manager party is on Sunday! Good times. It’ll be nice to be around these people and be having a good time — with the exception of Lori, with whom I often enjoy myself.

I just about killed Nick the other day, and now I understand someone called out yesterday… they are all on my list at this point. ALL OF THEM. I guess I need to start getting mean before someone notices. I love them to death, but they are walking all over me and they don’t really care right now. Maybe that isn’t true of everyone, but I get the feeling that several of them feel that way. Woe.Continue Reading

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Thankful:

First, I would like to say that I am thankful for so many things. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Mine was excellent. I sometimes don’t allow myself to enjoy my family, but I really do. It is nice to feel that relaxed around people. I am thankful for my cousins, who are becoming such wonderful people. I am thankful for my brothers and their families. I am thankful for my uncle, even when he really annoying. I am thankful for my grandpa (Papa) who was too quiet this year. I wish him speedy recovery on his back. I am especially thankful for having the greatest parents ever. They are both as much friends as parents. I enjoy them so much. Their house can be too hectic for me though, with the children always under foot.

The day was so great. We watched Will & Grace, visited, and played with the kids all day at my parents’ house. Gradually, everyone made their way down to my grandpa’s house. We started with 15 and by the time I left for my grandpa’s, only my dad was left. We had the best and most moist turkey I have ever had!!! It just fell apart as the knife touched it, so no need to slice it at all. I sat at the kids’ table, where I have sat my entire life. Really, we all are. That table is, and has always been Opie, Annie, myself, and some combination of others including Becky, Brad, Brent, etc. The actual kids are still too young to sit off by themselves. It was just an excellent day.

So, Where Has Brian Been???

Nowhere. I have just not been on the computer that much. I guess life is just boring lately. Not that I have been bored. I do have opinions on that. I want a boyfriend. I want to feel loved. I am scared of looking… scared to death of trying… of putting myself out there. I miss my gay friends. This is really where gay friends come in handy. I am lonely and I don’t like it at all. Blah. I am basically content with my life otherwise. I do need to get on here and just blog already!!! I sometimes forget that my friends check this to see what is going on… Travis.

Work:

Speaking of work, Shauna is working at my store as of earlier this week!!! It is so nice to see her face at work. I so miss living with her and James. I wish things never changed and you could just stay close to everyone.

This is the weekend of weekends at work. I am looking forward to the craziness. I am a little worried that our manager will be exhausting and frantic, but overall it should be fun.Continue Reading

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Things and Rumors of Things:
The crazy lady gave Lori a Longaberger basket, which is a funny story. It was a good day at work. Busy, but good. Hopefully, we can have everything in order by tomorrow (or at the very least next Monday). I keep thinking I must be doing something wrong, as my manager has been quiet around me recently, but I think she is just frantic to get the store ready for the holidays.

I made Meghan yelp several times today, which was great fun. I just love working with the people back in music lately. I guess that sounds wrong — like I enjoy tormenting the poor dears, but I think they are a lot of fun. And it helps that they are all pretty darn productive as well. Good good good.

Renee is rumored to have a blog. I will investigate momentarily, but will finish this post first.

I am interested in reading The Stupidest Angel so if you have read it let me know what you thought. Marla and Nancy both enjoyed it and I am waiting for Nancy to loan it to me. It looks really funny. I am also interested in reading the newest Push books. I can’t remember the titles at the moment. And I would like to read both Salt and Cod. I really need some money because I also want several CDs. Britney Spears, Shania Twain, & Elton John all had CDs today that I would like to get. Rufus Wainwright has one coming soon. I also want Friends Season 8 (the first one I didn’t get on the release date), A Home At The End Of The World, Shrek 2, Harry Potter 3, Rudolph, Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas, Without A Trace Season 1, and Profiler Seasons 1-4. A 4th job might cut it, but I never found a second. Oh well…

Lori and The Mysteries Surrounding Her:
My sincerest apologies to Lori, who I know felt slighted by me lately. I have been aloof, but not for any reason. I think that I just get locked into new routines easily and when I got sick and then Lori went to Houston, I got locked into just sitting around watching TV because that is all I did for those 2 weeks. If forced, I can alter what I do from day to day, but unless it is necessary, I just do the same ol’ thing. Not at all about Lori, who was the focus of my previous routine. I am much like my father…

Again, sorry. It isn’t about you, Lori. Neither is it to be considered a lack of consideration. Blah blah blah… same old story.

House:
The kitchen is clean.

I want a digital camera that works so I can post more pictures…. Sigh…Continue Reading

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Book(s):
I got and plan on starting Closet Case by Robert Rodi. I am interested in all of his books, but that one really sounded like the best. I really need to read more, but I need to get new glasses. I can barely see. It makes it frustrating to try and read anything.

Friends:
I love friends. Justin came over and watched Clash Of The Titans with me the other day. I think I am officially over that movie. Once upon a time I loved it, but I guess I have moved on with my life. Anyway, we later went to Wal-Mart, where we both had to pick up copies of The Day After Tomorrow, which we thought got a bad rap just because the wolves looked ridiculously fake. It was good for what it was and that is all it should be judged on. It was great formula disaster, better than made for TV, but certainly not the best of its kind. I dropped him off at his house and he went in to get my DVDs I had loaned him and Patrick. When he returned, he had a snapdragon in a starter pot, which he offered me. It was weird and a little funny. I took it and when I returned home I planned on giving it to Lori. As I walked by her house, her living room light went out so I quickly ran up and knocked on the door… no answer. So I unlocked the door and sat the plant in an obvious place and left. I am tired of giving people gifts. They appreciate them, but I don’t necessarily want them to. I am turning into my dad, giving things away all the time. It is exhausting when you are at any store and everything reminds you of someone you know. I should just not buy!!!

Shauna (ex roommate), Nathan (her kid), and Bryce (her brother) came into the store on Friday. It was nice to see them. It had been a very long time. I really miss James (Shauna’s husband) though. I really connected well with him when I lived with them, but haven’t seen him in a long time and I miss him. He is very much a homebody, not even wanting to venture beyond his house for long, so it is hard to see him without going over there. I should just go.

Haven’t seen Jess in a while, but I am sure work is keeping her busy lately.

Birthdays:
KC had her 1st birthday Friday. Meghan shared the day as her 21st. Franz, my cat, shared the same day as his 3rd. Mom’s birthday is tomorrow. I will be in Stillwater later today to celebrate. Brent and Laurisa (my brother and sister-in-law) will be in town too. I hardly ever see them now that they live an hour in the other direction of my parents. I also haven’t seen Jason since he was born. It will be a fun day. I hope if I take a movie my mom and I will be able to watch it in peace at some point. No more birthdays until November after this one.

Health:
I have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning. I am one of those dentist fearing people. I don’t really understand it, but I just don’t really like going. I have an abscess so I hope that I will have a tooth removed. It really needs to go. I hate that such a small thing can impact my overall sense of well being. It makes me feel sick all over!!!

Observation I made at work: Our inability to keep paper from cutting our skin is the dumbest thing ever. God seriously needs to rethink that whole thing. I was ringing someone up and the cover on the book he was buying sliced very easily into my finger… ouch!!!

Work:
Things seem to be getting much better. It is great to have employees who support me. I am impressed with everyone in my department at the moment and it really feels great. They are the best!!! I again enjoy my job and I am grateful for that.

Audacity: We have a man who keeps coming in the store and harassing a certain person in my department. He started out as a shoplifter, but has recently started only coming in to just show that we as a store do not scare him. Although he does not have the opportunity to steal, he does have an opportunity to make people uncomfortable. It is to the point that I wish I didn’t have to schedule certain people alone, but can’t penalize them for the actions of one asshole. I am just venting as I can see no way to get rid of him. Our store is willing to call the police on him, but he flees before it ever gets to that. It is aggravating.Continue Reading

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Sick:
I was sick all weekend. I started feeling ill Thursday night and didn’t feel better until today. Blah to that. I know I am sick all the time, but this was stomach related. I was also avoiding the phone during that time. Saturday we went to dinner for Jess’ birthday. We had a lot of fun until I ate and became a yucky again. But I am feeling quite well today, albeit a little tired.

Secret:
I didn’t share something with any of my friends and it is exciting. It isn’t good or bad, just a secret. Technically, 2 people know. It is exciting just to keep stuff from people sometimes… oh, and to talk about the fact that I am doing so. HINT: “I’m an…”

I am such a nerd!

Work:
The store managers’ conference is over and we have ours back. Some of her stuff was mailed and haven’t yet arrived. I love this part of the holiday season. She got some fun stuff for me last year since it was my 5 year anniversary with Barnes & Noble, but I expect run-of-the-mill-still-cool-cause-its-free stuff this year. It is nerdy to want promotional crap, but I do.Continue Reading

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DVD:
I finished season 1 of Ellen (technically These Friends Of Mine). I had forgotten how dramatically the look changed throughout the 13 episodes in that season. Hair, clothes, characters, sets… I don’t think that Anita was given a chance to really shine. Maggie Wheeler is hilarious, but her character had very few opportunities to show it. Holly improves as the season goes by, but should have gotten the axe sooner. I really like Adam though. I am glad he lasts a little longer. It is weird that the only character that makes it through the entire series is Ellen herself. Can’t wait for season 2 in February!!!

Money:
I went to consumer credit counseling. They were not able to help. Apparently, you have to overextend yourself with more places to qualify for help there. I understand it, but I really don’t know what I can do about it. I need $6,000 yesterday and seemingly no way to get it. Blah.

Job #2:
I have not heard back from anyone, but still have some applications to take back. I really want to clear up my life so I can be financially content again.Continue Reading