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Justin:
Happy Birthday, Justin!

Justin is such a wonderful friend. I met him a little over 6 years ago, when I was 18 and he was only 16!!! We briefly attempted dating, but realized we were destined to be good friends. We have helped each other grow through different stages in our lives, sometimes involving hospitalization, emergency room care, and of course funerals. Justin has always been there for me to talk to, to hangout with, and to torment a little. He has gotten so much better lately and I am very proud of him. Determination to be “normal” has started to pay off. The schizophrenia is starting to go away. At least for the moment. And now, Justin has Patrick, a loving person he can spend his time with. As Justin’s boyfriend, Patrick can also give him things his friends cannot. There is something empowering about your boyfriend encouraging your dreams that friends can’t quite match. I am very grateful for Patrick.

I hope Justin has a great day and I hope he feels special. He is special, and I hope that he is always a part of my life. He is, as I have told him, like a brother to me.Continue Reading

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When Good Songs Happen To Bad People:
I finally heard Jessica Simpson slaughter “Angels.” She took one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard and gave an awful, half-assed attempt at singing it. It is crude, choppy, and completely out of tune. It makes me sad that such a gorgeous song by the very talented Robbie Williams will be remembered, if it will, as that one song by a talentless twit. On some level I like Jessica Simpson. But it isn’t about her voice — I like her for being naive and proud of being who she is. She is her own person, but should sing only her own songs so that good songs like this one can remain good. I curse the record companies for such an atrocious mistake! Curse you, record companies…

Home:
Thank God, I am home!!! I do love vacation, but it is so nice to be able to relax in familiar surroundings. And many thanks to me for scheduling a day off tomorrow. Yay! My cats have already had enough reuniting (after a whole 15 minutes), so I feel a little under appreciated now. They’re still cats though… I am amazed that the place isn’t a wreck, although Molly was locked in the bedroom. The cats aren’t even allowed in the bedroom… curious.

The Erne Family:
I am so grateful to Lori’s family for their warm hospitality. I really felt like a member of the family while I was there. I so enjoy the entire group, but I was a little sad that Marty wasn’t there. He is a lot of fun. He is also irritating, so maybe his absence this time was a blessing. I felt a little bit for Lori’s mom, who seemed to latch on hard to visiting with her daughter (who is also her friend). It was bittersweet that she so needed that interaction — she must not get much adult attention. Clare was a handful as usual, but not so much as in February. I guess she is growing up. Slowly but surely. Tommy did what Tommy does. He was at his computer most of the time he was at the house. He is nice though… when Clare isn’t irritating him! Even Lori’s dad was friendly. I haven’t talked to him much, but this time he spoke to me quite a bit. He seems like a nice guy.

Me:
I was gone for a week and feel like a different person now. Not only am I relaxed, but I have thought through some things in the past week I hadn’t considered before. Maybe it is just the sunburn getting to me… I don’t know. I feel basically okay with David and Jim not being attracted to me. And I realize that I don’t want someone who focuses on physical appearance that much. And I really love both of them for who they are (and I don’t mean in any way that they are shallow — either one). I can continue on being myself. Someone out there is going to love me the way I come. I just need a bit of patience.Continue Reading

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🦇 Austin:
I really love this place, although living here would be terrible. I like to visit though. It is gorgeous with all the trees and when the weather isn’t too hot or too humid like it was today.

Lori and I woke up rather late this morning. I was great to have a chance to sleep in. I think it was 11:30 when we finally got out of bed. We didn’t really get around quickly either. David started his radio show again, so we listen to that while messing around online, showering, and playing some Tony Hawk (okay, that was just me…). We then went for some Starbucks and Round Rock Donuts, which were good, despite my Krispy Kreme snobbery.

We went back to Travis’ after that, basically to drop off Travis. Lori and I quickly left to get our cartilage pierced (sorry Jess… I am super impatient about these things… I would never have done it if I had waited… forgive me). It hurt like crazy. Now I will be sore for about a year, but I really think it will be okay. It’s great fun.

We got back to Travis’ at about 4:00. Sandra was home and changed from work, so we pretty much left for Hutto, where Travis & Sandra just had a house built. It is almost done which I know makes them happy. It is too far from what I already know though. The hippos are fun though.

We called David, who had napped after his show, as we left Hutto so he could meet us at Hula Hut. It was a fun place to eat occasionally, but I can’t imagine it feeling special after going too often, as I understand Travis and Sandra do. I did have a chance to chat with David a bit, which I liked a lot. I guess I should accept the fact that he too is looking for someone other than me. He is just so nice… and totally cute. It makes me sad that I am not his type and that I am so far away… Hmmm… Ug.

After Hula Hut, we went to Congress Street Bridge to watch the bats come out. It was freakin’ awesome. I absolutely love bats and that certainly got my my fix. A never ending swarm flew out from beneath the bridge for 30 minutes before we left. I heard it goes on for 45. It was just one of the most interesting things ever, and I hope to do it again sometime.

Directly after that, Lori, David and I went down to Fourth Street. We stopped first at a bar for drinks… a bar I was VERY familiar with… things happened there. I think it was called Red Hot, or something. We then went to Boyz Cellar for some dancing. Lori and I ripped it up as David cruised the club (). It was crazy fun… I was more than a little tipsy after. Oh, and Lori almost got into a fight… fun fun fun!

Now I am sobering up before sleeping… I don’t do hangovers! I hate them. Water… I need lots and lots of water. I really want a new tattoo now. If I have the money when I come down next time I will definately have to get it! I need time to plan it out, although I know I want it just below the elbow on my left arm. I want it to be like a band, but not exactly… I will post a pic when I come up with it exactly. I also wanted a hook up for other stuff too… one of these days!!!

Robby:
This might irritate some of you, but I really miss talking to Robby. I want to tell him what is going on, but my stupid phone is roaming down here.

Blah:
I am sitting here at Lori’s parents’ house. For the past few hours I have been completely blah! Let me run down the day for you: We woke up later than expected, which put us a little later than expected here in Houston. We stopped at Cracker Barrel and had one of the best breakfast meals of my entire life! God, those were good eggs.

We left for Houston, a drive which was not as bad as I expected. Our goal was IKEA, and we accidentally stumbled accross it after I took the wrong exit. I love that place! There really needs to be one in every city — it is better than Wal-Mart or Target or whatever discount store you love… But we were there for 3 hours on a Sunday. And everyone had their kids with them.

I was so sick of all the kids and people cutting me off. It really drove me insane. After being sent all over the store for this DVD holder I really wanted, an employee finally looked it up and told me it had been discontinued. I was so irritated.

We then took our purchases out to the car, finding that they didn’t fit (well, one of Lori’s tables didn’t fit). It was hot and taking too long… and I lost it. I threw everything into the car in a random mess, got in and drove off (with Lori). I was bitchy at this point, but I asked for the printed directions, read them, and asked for help entering the freeway. Lori said I was clear, but as I switched lanes, I nearly hit the neighboring Mustang. I became enraged. See, when I become that mad, I don’t react… I completely shut down. I put in my favorite CD of the moment, turned the volume up well past a reasonable volume, and sucked down 2 cigarettes in a row. I forgot the breathe, making my throat sore and making myself gasp for breath. It was awful. We then went to Baybrook Mall, with intentions of going to Sanrio. We arrived at 6:00. The mall closes at 6:00. Damn!

Defeated for the day, I drove to Lori’s parents’, ate dinner, and withdrew from the crowd playing Cranium. It was nice stress relief. Currently, the game is ending and my alone time will soon be over… I have had enough to regain my sanity.

Jess:
You will get your cartalige pierced. I will see to it! I do feel bad that I did it without you — several factors were involved. I will take you down and do it as soon as possible.Continue Reading

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Vacation:
I don’t look very excited to be on vacation, I know… but I am! Lori & I left yesterday at about 10:30ish. When we got to Stillwater, my dad was not feeling well and Janessa (Jes) had not shown up with Conner yet. When they did finally show up, Jes had brought her annoying best friend with her. It wasn’t a very exciting visit… Oh well.

We then went to Edmond to see Brent, Laurisa, and KC (my neice). I had quite a nice visit with my brother. It is always nice when he is in a talkative mood. Jim was supposed to call while I was there… he didn’t. After a long visit, Brent gave me some photos (he is a photographer), we went to eat, and were on our way to Sayre.

Now see… I love Sayre. I do forget that others don’t. It is a very small town which is falling apart. It is dusty, smells like a farm, and everyone knows everyone else’s business. Just our presence in town was undoubtably talked about. I wanted the full experience, so we stayed at the Western Motel, a great old motel with a vintage sign (I will post a pic when we get our film developed). I just feel at home there. They pronounce my name correctly without asking (I have tons of family out there). Plus, when we walked into the motel room, the Bible was not only on the table for us, it was opened so we could start right in! I love that crazy stuff.

We woke up this morning pretty early. I was hyper after sleeping, which is way unusual. We gave ourselves plenty of time before deciding to go eat. Again, small town. I am not sure that Lori quite grasped that. The options were 2 diners and 1 donut shop (which closed at 10:00). Sonic (literally the 3rd restraunt in town) was probably open, but we weren’t really feeling it. We didn’t eat. We drove out to Sweetwater.

The cemetary was nice. It wasn’t too hot, partly cloudy. One complaint: just a little too windy for what I was doing (cutting silk flowers). I prepared the flowers and put them at my grandparents grave. I reserved 1 each for Janice, my aunt who died when she was 2 weeks old, and my great grandma McGuire. I removed the old flowers, dusted off the headstone, and we left — old flowers in tow.

We drove from there with even less desire to stop and eat. We settled on the veggies we had brought with us, but foolishly not touched yesterday. We then drove back to Oklahoma City and down to Norman.

In Norman, we stopped to see Jim at work. I didn’t have any idea where his work was and we circled the block once before stopping for directions… I was trying to be a boy and not ask… We stopped in and saw him (and Yesh too). It was very nice to see him as friends instead of as a love interest. I can deal with Jim as friend, I think. He is so goofy, with his bingo obsession! We chatted just briefly with him before he had to get back to work. But not before he told me about the “braclets” we got at Pride… if you know, you know.

We then started the longest part of the drive down to Round Rock. We stopped and ate in Ardmore, stopped for gas in several different places, but we generally just drove. Now, here we are… in Round Rock. David isn’t here… But I can still visit with/see Travis. We have some brief plans tomorrow, so hopefully we can fill it in with fun stuff. Lori, David, and I are planning on going out. I really wish Travis and Sandra would come with, but at least we can talk behind their backs this way… hehe.

Having a lot more fun than working!

Children:
I really think that Jes should listen only to herself in choosing the name of her children. She was talked out of Felix Doyle once before, but has her heart set on it again. She needs to ignore everyone else and just do it! Felix Fuchs is fun anyway!

Conner and KC are the best kids ever!

Questions: (1:50 a.m.)
I just came back inside from lying on the driveway watching the stars float ever upward — and never moving. I watched and smoked and realized that I am happy.

Lori asked me about my friendship with Travis before we got to his house. I was left with a question, which I maybe should have asked then (she wants me to talk about me more, which I am not accustomed to doing). Why are Travis & I friends? Furthermore, why am I friends with anyone else? I suppose I have a good answer in some cases. I helped Justin through his mental illness struggles. Robby and I are young gay men who have a lot in common. Lori and I work together and have mutual tastes as far as work goes. From there, we are able to share similar musings on family with one another. But Travis? JD? Jess? Shauna? James? Brent? (yes, he is my brother, but also my friend) Why? I don’t know.

Maybe we need no reason. Maybe it is about nothing more than acceptance of who we are by another human being. But I am not friends with so many people who would or are accepting of who I am fully. It occurs to me that not only do I have no reason, but I am not sure there is one. I feel at home around Travis. I just like him. And he has flaws… flaws that would bother me if he was someone else. I just was thinking. I might go back out there later if I don’t stop thinking about it.

G:
After visiting her in the cemetary, I purchased a turqiose ring, which I am wearing right now. It really makes me think of her and miss her like crazy. She used to have small bits of turqoise that she kept on one of her bookends. The bookends were shaped like canoes with people in them. From there, I think about her house and how I miss it.Continue Reading

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Vacation:
Adios all! I will update as I can, but probably not everyday. I will miss all of you (and your posts) dearly… Try to go on without me… I know it’ll be hard, but it’s still only a week.

VACATION!!!Continue Reading

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Vacation:
I’m trying to solidify plans with everyone. I haven’t heard from Jim. I did talk to my dad though. Yay! I am doing a happy dance as I type this… Woo hoo. What I would really like to do is have a ton of money drop from the sky and into my house so I could make this vacation a little longer… I am just so sick of work right now… Ug.

Sleep:
Maybe nothing is wrong with my sleep cycle. Maybe it is just different. Yeah, that’s it… Of course. I slept until 4 today… Ridiculous. I had/have too much to do to waste my life sleeping. I was on the phone with Robby last night for 3 HOURS & 40 MINUTES! My ear still hurts. That is so unusual for me — I hate being on the phone, but it was nice. And I blame the call for my lack of sleep last night. As if this is the first time…

Drink:
Sonic Strawberry Limades really are one of the best things on the planet! They make me very happy.Continue Reading

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Vacation:
It has officially started! Yay! I have tons to do tomorrow… egad… leisure time is always so much work… At least I don’t have to go to the store for EIGHT DAYS!!!!

Robby:
I am glad to help Robby… In a way, it makes me sad that he is so surprised that I was willing to help him out. Why can’t people have a little selflessness once in a while? Everyone: take a moment and do something for someone today or tomorrow that benefits you in absolutely no way. Honestly, it takes just a moment, and you can make someone else’s day just a little bit better. Rewards are not required in this life. And did it take much out of me? No. This selfish and inconsiderate planet makes me crazy sometimes.

Tonight:
I am spending this evening (when I should be getting ready to go to Texas) with Lori and Jess again. We are going to Theology On Tap. Last month was fairly lively, with one irritating woman bringing up the dumbest things. It’ll be fun! Update: (9:38 p.m.) That is time I will never get back… I hated it! The last speaker was so good that I had high expectations… Oh well… Can’t win ’em all.Continue Reading